People who say remind me / give me a nudge

[Tatapie]

AIBU to think sod off and get some sort of diary system yourself, I've enough to do sorting my own stuff out thank you very much! Gives me the rage for some reason. Don't know if I'm over reacting!

It depends on the circumstances. My manager does this so much and has even emailed me before to ask me to put something in my diary to remind her on that date I'm pretty sure it would have taken her a lot less time to just add it to her own diary and avoids wasting my time in the process. If it was important enough to them they would remember themselves.

I don't mind however when my parents do this, my mother is showing early signs of dementia and my dad has always had trouble with his memory.

DH does this to me. I say, "I am reminding you, now."

@Poshjock I am easily irritated
If I ask my DH to do something ( joint responsibility wise) he will say send me an email then quickly sends himself one when he sees my face!
Lots of PP seem to have rubbish memories and mean no offence so perhaps I shouldn't take so much!

@ImpossibleGirl agree with your use there.
I get cross if friend A says "how much do I owe you for x" I say "£blah" they say "ok but remind me if I don't pay"
I think No!

Most of the time I hear those phrases used is if the person has already agreed or offered to do a favour for someone and says "give me a nudge/remind me" if they forget. Yes, exactly. I use it when I'm away from my diary, but have agreed to do something quite substantial for someone. Normally I'll do it in the next couple of days, so I'll ask them to remind me if they haven't received it in a week , because if I haven't done it by that time I've completely forgotten about it.

And if that's going to offend them, then sod it, I'll not agree to do anything for them in the future.

My problem is my memory seems to work the best when I am driving so can't 'do' the thing then.

Depending on what it is I might call husband - and ask him to write a note at home, or remind me when I get home.

I do this.

I say to my kids usually when I need something wrong the shop. I know whoever I say it to isn't going to remind me. But the act of saying it out loud helps firm it up in my memory as opposed to it being just a fleeting thought.

My husband does it sometimes and I tell him to set a reminder in his phone as I have enough on remembering my own shit, never mind his as well!

I have a friend who insists she "can't" use e.g. phone reminders because she just ignores them. She tells her husband to remind her of things. She'll also say she's going to do things without listening and then gets confused when you ask her why she hasn't done them.

I said it was a good job she's not married to me. I ignore reminders on my phone, but to resolve that I set one e.g. every 3 days for a month before important birthdays. I might ignore 90% of them but one will work.

Or I stick a note on the kettle etc. People who insist they just can't remember stuff really piss me off. I don't find it easy either but I set up checklists or a diary or an alarm to go off (taking the bins out). I don't just abdicate responsibility.

Sorry that's a bit ranty, but I am quite sick of it.

I have phone reminders, calendars etc and I still balls up as my working memory is poor.

Like PPs, I say it as my way of making a mental note. I know that person won’t remind me but hopefully one of us will remember. I usually say it to my DH or my mum. I occasionally say it at work to the children (teacher) because their memories are better than mine. They will then keep badgering me and I’ll get it done.

I say that often but I don't actually expect anyone to remind me but just saying it, makes it stick more in my own mind. I don't generally say it for important things, those things I do put an actual reminder in my diary.

I've ditched a couple of friends in recent years that would always make plans with me and then say 'remind me, or I'll forget', yet they had busy social lives and seemed to have no problems remembering to meet others or remembering details of what was going on in their other friends lives in minute detail.

I'm the same as you, OP, I'm definitely not willing to be someone's diary service!

I say it all the time to students at work when they want me to do things for them. It's usually in a passing conversation and I'm totally willing to do it but between our conversation and the end of the day I'll have spoken to another 20 people and had another 150 emails. So I'll say, if I haven't got back to you by x time, email me to remind me.

I do these things on top of my actual paid hours as a favour so if you don't want to remind me, fair enough but it will be you that misses out. No skin off my nose, gives me an extra 20-30 minutes to actually have a life.

I think it’s ok when people are saying this when granting a favour and I do this myself.

Ie can you proofread my CV? Sure I’ll do it Monday or Tuesday just remind me next week

On the other hand it’s not ok if it’s their responsibility anyway ie if someone owes money they are responsible for remembering to pay it. I would feel really embarrassed if someone had to nag me to pay and I don’t want to have to remind others!

If you have memory issues you need to set multiple different reminders as a previous poster said. If you genuinely say that all of them will fail it's not up to another adult to take responsibility for you.

Like others, I often say this in response to being asked for favours. Eg my neighbour asking me to pick up her kid from school, a friend wanting me to pop in while I’m passing to show them how to prune a rose bush, MIL wanting me to tell her what to buy for the dc’s birthdays. I have a crap memory and they know it, and they don’t mind. Or if they do mind, they can find someone else to help them out.

I get saying it if someone is asking you a favour or to do something and you're not in a position to do it or note it because you're driving or on the stairs at work.
If I say however that I'll do something I will do it and would prefer not to be reminded
What set this off was a potential meet up with someone important to me ( and it should be vice versa) I suggested a date they said yes but to remind them if I hadn't heard nearer the time. Like a PP said that's .
But then I remembered all the other times it peed me off too! Very cathartic to rant! I will chill on the ones where it doesn't matter to me if I don't remind them

Tatapie yes I find it frustrating, I’ve got a particular friend, who I’ll arrange to meet up for a catch up, who will always say “oh remind me the night before cos I’ll forget”. if I was important enough to the friend she would not need reminding.

YANBU. It's a mental load thing - literally giving you the job of remembering rather than them doing it.

As others have said, acceptable if they're doing you a favour, but unacceptable in most other instances.

Me and DH do this to eachother it's just means two people can forget instead of one. We're both crap but it helps remember ourselves. Even if one of us says "there was something you asked me to remember"
I wouldnt feel committed to remembering something for someone, it's not like set in stone .