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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About PIL food hygiene?

206 replies

Billyjoearmstrong · 08/06/2020 13:50

Another argument with Dh regarding his parents and food hygiene.

They basically don’t have any.

MIL will cook huge pots of food to last five days - chicken stews, pasta sauce with meat etc and leave them on the hob all that time, heating them up everyday to take a portion and then leaving it to cool down. Or she’ll cook a big lasagne and the same thing - leave it in the oven for days until it’s finished. I can’t drink a cup of tea at their house - I always thought it tasted a bit odd when I first me them and then I realised that they don’t keep milk in the fridge, they keep it on the worktop.

When they come to stay she will always bring something she’s cooked - really nice of her but it will be some sort of meat which she will have cooked days before and it will have just been left on the side in her kitchen.

FIL just dropped a roast chicken at the door merrily saying they cooked two on Friday and didn’t need it. This chicken won’t have seen a fridge - it will have been sat on the work top or in the oven since cooked.

Dh has had a go at me because I won’t let the kids have any for dinner this evening. I don’t want them getting ill.

We moved across the country to where they live just before lockdown so it’s not been a problem yet, but when they are allowed the kids over I know they will feed them and I’m so uncomfortable with the lack of food hygiene they have - it was easier being so far away as they would visit every 6 weeks and I just wouldn’t give the children any of the cooked food they brought with them.

Dh won’t listen as it’s been like that his whole life, his argument is that he’s never had a stomach bug from it so it’s
Fine.

It just makes me feel so ill thinking about it. The arguments me and Dh have about me putting food in the fridge is unreal, he doesn’t see the harm.

OP posts:

gumball37 · 08/06/2020 20:44

Of your MIL is generally lovely. Why not tell her that while she believes it is fine, your dad could get sick from eating food that hasn't been stored correctly. So she needs to either start storing things correctly when feeding them to dd or you'll send meals for dd that are to be stored in the fridge. If neither of these work... Then sadly, you won't be able to let dd spend time there.

strugglingwithdeciding · 08/06/2020 20:56

That is pretty dangerous to do
A quick google will explain why

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 08/06/2020 21:02

I thought my mil was bad scraping mayo back into the jar from peoples plates with her finger!

I think your husband is being an arrogant twat to be honest. Why does he think he knows better than scientists and official NHS and food safety advice? He clearly has a stomach of steel but lots of people are hospitalised with shit like this every year. And to me, in an argument about how to raise your children, the viewpoint that errs on he side of caution should win. It's a no brainer when it's a choice between the very minimal hassle of opening the fridge door and shoving something inside vs not bothering and risking illness. He might have a point if you were wasting food or asking him to clear out the freezer of food more than x weeks old every weekend but all you're asking him to do is literally move a plate a few feet.

He wont listen to you so there is no nice way of you doing this. No meals at his parents unless you're getting a takeaway and no sleepovers.

pumpkinbump · 08/06/2020 21:12

Having read on.... He sat there sulking because you refused to eat the gone off chicken and refused to feed it to your daughter. If he wants to eat rancid food that's fine, but the fact he's sulking because you won't is pretty disturbing. I'd put a stop to the lot of it. Tell him there are food hygiene rules that need to be followed from now on in the kitchen, and that anything you find hanging around on the hob or lurking in the oven will be binned.

I'd also not allow your dd to visit his parents without you being there. They seem so ingrained that I doubt they could be trusted not to feed your daughter their home cooking. Not because they're sneaky, but because they think there's nothing wrong with it.

Original poster

Billyjoearmstrong · 08/06/2020 21:17

@pumpkinbump he was sulking because I’d made him feel bad about his mum, told him she were wrong and the chicken was unsafe to eat. He wasn’t sulking because we weren’t eating it. He was sulking over mummy.

OP posts:

Namechangex10000 · 08/06/2020 21:18

Urgh. My in laws do this too (not quite as bad as yours) I’m not super strict on food hygiene but this makes me feel ill

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 08/06/2020 21:34

Are there any labs that would test a typical meal that he eats? I'd be tempted to pay for a report, maybe seeing how much bacteria he is eating written down in black and white would help. But probably not since his mum says it's fine

pumpkinbump · 08/06/2020 21:35

he was sulking because I’d made him feel bad about his mum, told him she were wrong and the chicken was unsafe to eat. He wasn’t sulking because we weren’t eating it. He was sulking over mummy.

I see what you mean but it's kind of the same thing. If you hadn't questioned her food hygiene and kept shtum, and ate the chicken there wouldn't have been a problem. I find it unbelievable that he thinks eating food like this is okay in any way.

Original poster

Billyjoearmstrong · 08/06/2020 21:37

Yeah I guess you are right.

But I’ve tried addressing it until I’m exhausted. All I get is “I’ve never been ill”.

It’s like banging my head against a brick wall with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Billyjoearmstrong · 08/06/2020 21:39

I won’t be letting Dd eat at PIL though. I don’t care if it causes arguments and I will tell MIL why myself, I won’t rely on him to do it.

OP posts:

strugglingwithdeciding · 08/06/2020 21:39

How they haven't become seriously ill is just down to luck , what they are doing is so dangerous and I wouldn't allow my kids to eat there
I'm super fussy about food hygiene I admit ( deciding wether to drink the out of date Ready made Ribena is making me sweat ) but even my DH who isn't ,is horrified at this

VenusTiger · 08/06/2020 21:52

Nope! DCs simply cannot eat at your PIL's house ever! It's a food safety issue not so much a food hygiene issue. Your DH's stomach must be lined with iron from all that bacteria - you and your DCs not so much. It's insane they think that's okay!! Plus, the recent hot weather will not have helped at all!
Vile, stick to your guns OP.

EngagedAgain · 08/06/2020 21:54

@OooTheStatsDontLie -

'I thought my mil was bad scraping mayo back into the jar from peoples plates with her fingers!' Erm... That is quite bad 🤢

Umberta · 08/06/2020 22:32

billy1966 · 08/06/2020 23:57

OP, he sounds like an awful twat.
He really does.

I would have zero tolerance for such stupidity, that could potentially put my child at risk.
I wouldn't trust him either.
His judgement is seriously flawed aka shite.

Chocolatefixeseverything · 09/06/2020 00:22

I'll admit given myself food poisoning by being maverick about chicken cooked for a party didn't want to waste it put it in fridge after it had sat out for hours, heated it up next day for my lunch I was the only one who ate it. Oh dear God I shall never make that mistake again the consequences where a horror show and it took WEEKS to trust a fart. The 50p I saved eating the leftover chicken cost me several days of paid work 🤮🤢 never ever again, if it's out for more than an hour it goes on the bin.

pallisers · 09/06/2020 00:50

[quote Billyjoearmstrong]@pumpkinbump he was sulking because I’d made him feel bad about his mum, told him she were wrong and the chicken was unsafe to eat. He wasn’t sulking because we weren’t eating it. He was sulking over mummy.

His Mum and dad (his mum especially) are saints to him and everything his mum does is perfect. He doesn’t like it when it’s pointed out that she might be wrong about something. He’s like a needy 8 year old stuck in a mans body when
It comes to MIL.[/quote]
I know people may disagree but I think there is something distinctly odd about any adult, grown with their own family, who thinks everything their mum (or dad) does is perfect. I think even in the bible it says something about people foresaking their parents and cleaving to their spouses. It is weird tbh that he is still stuck in thinking his mum is the guiding light of his light to the detriment of his wife's opinion.

And that is without the truly gross food hygiene. Have you ever asked him OP why he worries so much about overcrowding the fridge??? That is fucking weird. Next time he stores something in the oven, I suggest you turn on the oven to high and when the inevitable happens tell him you were pre-heating the oven and didn't expect to find actual food being stored there as that is the purpose of the fridge.,

pallisers · 09/06/2020 00:51

Have these people ever asked themselves why refrigeration was invented and became so popular???

pumpkinbump · 09/06/2020 00:56

Next time he stores something in the oven, I suggest you turn on the oven to high and when the inevitable happens tell him you were pre-heating the oven and didn't expect to find actual food being stored there as that is the purpose of the fridge.,
The chicken would probably get up and run from the heat.

Happynow001 · 09/06/2020 04:14

I won’t be letting Dd eat at PIL though. I don’t care if it causes arguments and I will tell MIL why myself, I won’t rely on him to do it.
Good! Your husband is quite unreasonable- good job one of you has sense!

SD1978 · 09/06/2020 04:19

I get your concern- but also- have they ever been sick? Do they regularly get food poisoning, any gut issues? Because if not, it may not be as bad as you think. Really poor hygiene usually also leads to a myriad of health issues and you don't mention any of them, your husband or the in laws have any.

custardbear · 09/06/2020 04:51

Thaus disgusting! I studied microbiology and honestly, I can't believe they're still alive!

I wouldn't even leave food in the fridge for 5 days and eat it, let alone out, reheated multiple times and left at room temp 🤢

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/06/2020 07:57

I don’t know how you put up with him, surely the kitchen smells at his mums house 🤢.

I always had a bad stomach after my dads bbq’s when I was little, Now I’ve got my own bbq & I don’t get a bad stomach anymore. God knows what he was doing.

The whole “mil is a saint” is fucking weird, I mean usually these mummies boys stay at home & end up looking like pensioners in their 40’s being mummy’s carer & living like its 1960.

Nottherealslimshady · 09/06/2020 08:23

Gross. I'd tell them all that you child wont be eating there and therefore staying there until they are able to not put her in danger.
Maybe send the three of them on a food safety course. It's hard that your husband isn't on your side but you need to say firm. I'd be tempted to start brining it up around other people so he can learn that actually everyone else thinks its gross and it's only.him who doesn't.

bee222 · 09/06/2020 08:52

I'm really surprised that the stuff hasn't had maggots in it being left out like that

I had an ex who would always leave food out and had terrible food hygiene. I refused to eat stuff he had cooked. One day I saw him eat a slice of a pie he had left out. I looked closer and noticed fly eggs on it. It was this point I realised the relationship could not continue. This was about 15 years ago and I still feel sick thinking about it.

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