About PIL food hygiene?

[Billyjoearmstrong]

Another argument with Dh regarding his parents and food hygiene.

They basically don’t have any.

MIL will cook huge pots of food to last five days - chicken stews, pasta sauce with meat etc and leave them on the hob all that time, heating them up everyday to take a portion and then leaving it to cool down. Or she’ll cook a big lasagne and the same thing - leave it in the oven for days until it’s finished. I can’t drink a cup of tea at their house - I always thought it tasted a bit odd when I first me them and then I realised that they don’t keep milk in the fridge, they keep it on the worktop.

When they come to stay she will always bring something she’s cooked - really nice of her but it will be some sort of meat which she will have cooked days before and it will have just been left on the side in her kitchen.

FIL just dropped a roast chicken at the door merrily saying they cooked two on Friday and didn’t need it. This chicken won’t have seen a fridge - it will have been sat on the work top or in the oven since cooked.

Dh has had a go at me because I won’t let the kids have any for dinner this evening. I don’t want them getting ill.

We moved across the country to where they live just before lockdown so it’s not been a problem yet, but when they are allowed the kids over I know they will feed them and I’m so uncomfortable with the lack of food hygiene they have - it was easier being so far away as they would visit every 6 weeks and I just wouldn’t give the children any of the cooked food they brought with them.

Dh won’t listen as it’s been like that his whole life, his argument is that he’s never had a stomach bug from it so it’s
Fine.

It just makes me feel so ill thinking about it. The arguments me and Dh have about me putting food in the fridge is unreal, he doesn’t see the harm.

[Serin]

It's one thing, you and DH making daft excuses and pussy footing abou,t trying not to offend, but FGS you have a six year old to consider.

Have you heard of safeguarding OP?

Your child is not in a position to protect itself. You are going to have to step up and tell them (and your useless DH) that there is no way on earth your DC will be eating at their home.

I'm the most conflict avoidant person out there but this is your child. Stand up for him/her.

[schnubbins]

My mum does the same thing with food maybe not for days but she certainly lets food out overnight and maybe for two days.She has always done it and I swear I have never ever had food poisoning in my life nor can I remember that they have .But it is a bit embarrassing when my husband is with me and sees the carry on. Food can also be in the fridge for days uncovered and just off and they will eat it as 'there is nothing wrong with it' No amount of talking to them will help.I always do all the cooking now when I visit my parents after seeing my mum wrestling with a raw chicken a few years ago.Still cannot get the picture out of my mind. We live in different countries so I am only there a few times a year.My grown kids are a bit wary of going there now which is a pity. I remember my grandparents being the same with food Nothing was ever thrown out no matter how rancid .I feel sick now.

[squishee]

Ooh foul. I'm sure there must be some good Gordon Ramsay rants about food hygiene. Let him do the talking swearing?

[SpilltheTea]

That's absolutely disgusting. There's no way they'd be feeding my kids.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

he’s a mummy’s boy. His mum can do no wrong in his eyes and her way is they best

Somehow I thought you'd say that, but even mummy's boys usually grow up enough to have the sense to know the food situation's ridiculous

You can obviously refuse to eat the toxic mess yourself, but I'm not sure what you can do about the DCs other than just refuse to send them there. It'll cause a row of course, but if it's that or have very ill kids I know which I'd choose

[Billyjoearmstrong]

@foobio I can try. MIL is known as an excellent cook though, they all hold her in such high esteem for it (she’s just a normal cook) that I don’t think I’d get away with it.

We went to stay for a big family party/long weekend With loads of Dh relatives when Dd was about 10 months - I took jars of baby food for her as I didn’t want her eating mushed up food that had been sat out for god knows how long and cooked days previous, and all I got was their whole family telling me I was crazy for feeding Dd processed crap when mil food was wonderful.

I stood my ground on that one and didn’t let any of the food (which had been prepared long in advance) pass her lips.

Visits to them since then were always just one day/night for a birthday or something so it would be a takeaway or meal out. But living so close to them now it will be a a different kettle of (fucking) fish.

The only time I have made Dh say something to them was over a car seat when they were visiting us a few years ago.
MIL was asking to take Dd who was 3 at the time to the shops to buy some baking things, I was out at the hospital with ds. I had the car with Dd seat in but she said not to worry, she had the seat in her car she uses for DN who was the same age. So I thought great then, and she took her out.

Turned out the “seat” they used for DN is actually a cushion from their sofa. Dd told me that evening . I calmly told Dh I was going to lose my shit and that he needed to speak to his parents and tell them that they had endangered Dd and they wouldn’t be seeing her again if they didn’t sort it out and understand what they had done. But at least that time he agreed with me.

I need to grow some bollocks over this I think. But Dh needs to understand how it’s not safe for her to be eating potentially 5 day old reheated meats.

[GameSetMatch]

Tell them your daughter is going through a funny phase and will only eat processed foods, send her with a box of fish fingers and a tin a beans if you’re that worried about her eating there.

They sound disgusting just like my PIL, I’m an awful DIL, me and my DH sneaked in to their house and washed the dishes properly once! the poor dogs bowl had mould on it!

[Billyjoearmstrong]

@CodenameVillanelle not really - long story though, we had to move somewhere cheap fast due to two redundancies and an illness in the space of 8 weeks and this was the best of the shit options. But Dh has realised what a mistake it was moving so close to his dad and we will be moving a little further away up here when we can.

[Bakedbrie]

Errr, so what DO they use the fridge for exactly OP?

[HermioneWeasley]

🤮🤮🤮

There is absolutely no way me or my child would be eating there. I wouldn’t care what the fall out was.

[magicstar1]

We stayed with PIL for a while a few years ago. I was aghast when MIL made a bolognese on Saturday morning, and left it on the hob for Sunday evening's dinner. DH though, was brought up with it, and has a cast iron stomach. I even had a thread on him a couple of years ago when he took out of date, bloated, sausages from the bin and ate them...not a sign of food poisoning!
I wouldn't be eating at your PIL at all...sounds disgusting.

[Lsquiggles]

Please never let your children eat at their house not envy!

[TW2013]

I would use the fact that you live nearby to your advantage- oh we have already eaten. I would also work on your DC's sense of disgust. Even at 6 you can explain food hygiene. I would also (sneaky) talk to her teacher- at 6 my dc would believe EVERYTHING the teacher said (well except one dc but she is an anomaly plus had a fairly poor teacher). They do things with hygiene, handwashing, food etc. A 6yr old girl can do disgust very well. 16yr old girls can do it even better.

We had to do that when DM was developing dementia. They knew not to eat anything she offered unless I gave them a nod. They become good at making excuses and they were rewarded with treats which were more interesting than the food she offered. 'Fortunately' they also had genuine food intolerances so that covered some meals. I would also see if you can persuade dh to do a food hygiene course and also make it clear that he would be negligent to support giving them unhygienic food.

[Mrskeats]

I have a friend like this. If I go there on a saturday the left over takeaway is still on the side in plastic boxes.
She is always complaining her kids are ill!
It drives me mad.

[EKGEMS]

I'm a registered nurse and in college my microbiology and nutrition l courses changed my life. Food poisoning is nothing to fool around with. This must be the hill you die on,OP! Your husband and his family must've developed some sort of antibodies after repeat food poisoning exposure or have a genetic resistance either way she's your daughter and you've gotta protect your children

[supersop60]

My PIL's cat died, and all I could think was - hurrah, no more cat feeding or walking on the kitchen counter!
Stand your ground OP.

[CatsOfSummer]

@magicstar1 I remember reading that sausage thread!

I’m very cautious with food anyway as an emetophobe, we use a meat thermometer to check things are hot, and leftovers are stored quickly and eaten the next day. DH bought some coleslaw from Sainsbury’s last year, didn’t check the date and it was 2 days out of date - I almost had a panic attack when we realised. I can’t imagine how awkward it is when the whole family thinks it’s okay to keep food in that way, maybe say DD’s been interested in food/cooking and watch some YouTube videos with her about keeping food safe so at least she’s familiar with the right way to do it?

[derxa]

I bet they're as healthy as horses.

[Umberta]

Aaaaaargh this is such a shudderingly scary read. Am I the first person in 5 pages of this thread who is going to say LTB?? Jokes aside, if I couldn't get my DH to see reason about something like this, then I'd say communication has irrevocably broken down and the relationship has to end. Agree with PP who says you need to safeguard your child. I'd never even set foot at my PILs again if they were like this with food and car seats etc. Are they illiterate, can they read? Food hygiene is so so universally understood and there are instructions on the backs of packaging etc etc. Do they think fridges are a conspiracy? Do they believe in other conspiracies? So many questions...
As an aside, I once accidentally made myself very very sick when I was going through a bout of depression (many years ago) and just cooked myself a big batch of soup and left it on the side, reheating everyday as you describe, for about four days. Worse food poisoning of my life. I think it contributed to healing my depression, I just vomited it all out and re-emerged determined to, you know, cook food properly and look after myself. I lost so much weight (partly because of the depression but also the food poisoning) that I became clinically very underweight and had bones sticking out everywhere. Your OP brings it all back. It really is so dangerous and small children don't have the fat stores to cope with a bad bout of food poisoning.

[parietal]

My parents had some friends (an older couple) who were like this. Pot of chicken permanently on the hob etc. My mum is pretty relaxed about food but she told me because it was so obviously bad. And my parents never ate there again.

A couple of years later, both the old man and his wife got very ill with food poisoning and died within a few days of each other.

[DemelzaRobins]

OP can you teach your DD not to eat anything there?

My mum had to do this with me as a child. My paternal Granny was in her mid 70s when I was born and had some funny ideas about food hygiene. Mum was lucky in that my Dad was a chef, and so had good knowledge of food hygiene, but he was well into his 50s himself, refused to wear glasses and couldn't 'see' how dirty the place was.

So I knew from an early age that I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything at Granny's house, or use the bathroom. Mum got round drinks by bringing our own bottled water, or offering to make them so Granny didn't have to get up aka so she could inspect the glasses and mugs and wash them before use. I was a fussy eater and very small for my age so it wasn't hard to insist that I wasn't hungry. We would pretend I had been desperate for the loo en route so we had to go to McDonalds and have food and drink before we arrived. Only food I ate there had been brought with us or was from the local chippy!

I would be losing my shit with DH though in your position. Food poisoning is a very real possibility, especially for your young children who don't have the benefit of an adult immune system yet. I had bad food poisoning 10 years ago in my early 20s and it was awful. I wouldn't want to risk anyone experiencing that, let alone a child.

[SephrinaX]

Maybe you should show your DH this thread, where literally EVERY person is saying it is disgusting!

[Frlrlrubert]

My mum is the same, as long as it's not actually mouldy she thinks heating things kills the germs (she doesn't even heat leftovers to simmer, just to warm!).

She cooks stuff in the slow cooker, leaves it there for days and then just gives it 10 mins on high.

I have a pretty strong constitution, and frequently ignore dates in favour of a sniff test or take a chance and nuke something that's been in the fridge a day too long, but wouldn't let DD eat anything suspect or anything mum had cooked without quizzing her on the prep and storage first.

I remember my (then) boyfriend's mum making some distinctly dodgy smelling mince into burgers and us telling her it smelled funky. She said it was fine as it was organic so just smelled stronger. We (students at the time) were all fine but she was sick as a dog for 2 days. Obviously she claimed that was coincidental.

[Suzie6789]

magicstar1 I remember the sausage thread, and your DH merrily eating the bloated sausages 😂

[Hydrobatespelagicus]

Please don't grow bacteria on petri dishes unless you have trained in microbiology. You are multiplying the number of dangerous bacteria that are potentially there many, many times, and could make yourself seriously ill.