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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a cat

46 replies

TOADfan · 08/06/2020 12:36

Me and my DH have been discussing get a cat for ages but last night it became a possibility and he confirmed he didn't want a cat.

My friend has a farm and one of the cats isn't hunting or eating but is very friendly. She cannot take it in as she has a newborn and asked if I could have it as she knew I have been looking for one and it wasn't going to survive in the wild. It is the most beautiful friendly cat and I have feel in love.

As well as my husband's objections I do have the worry about it being "feral", fleas, neutering etc.

My head is saying no, my husband is saying no (though said I can take it if its what it want) but my heart is screaming yes at me. I'm crying thinking about this poor wee cat.

We can't have children but I'm at the age when my hormones are crying for a maternal outlet and I just feel so much love for it.

Should I listen to heart or head?

YABU - Head
YANBU - Heart

OP posts:
Meruem · 08/06/2020 12:40

Why doesn't your DH want one? I agree that all household members should agree when getting a dog due to the commitment level, but cats are far easier. I was feeling that I needed an emotional connection and got 2 cats. It was the best thing I ever did! We spend so much time together and I love them so much.

Sparklesocks · 08/06/2020 12:43

Your decision of course but I feel like if your husband doesn’t want one then it’s not really an option? It might be that he resents it which could cause issues in your marriage.

Original poster
TOADfan · 08/06/2020 12:43

He is worried it will scratch all the furniture or spay everywhere. It's not that he doesn't like cats just worries about the mess essentially.

I just feel like I need that emotional connection to an unconditional love if you get me.

OP posts:
Original poster
TOADfan · 08/06/2020 12:44

I'm not saying I don't get that from my DH but it's just different.

OP posts:
Papergirl1968 · 08/06/2020 12:46

Get the cat. Your husband will become its adoring slave!

MitziK · 08/06/2020 12:52

If it's friendly, it isn't feral. It might, however, not be keen upon living indoors. Do you have a nice shed it could use if it feels anxious locked in at night?

If it's female, it won't be spraying. In any case, your first job with any entire cat would be booking neutering/making damn sure there aren't 5 more smaller cats going to appear under your bed like that's a bad thing and getting flea/tick/worming treatment from the vet.

Why isn't it hunting or eating? It needs a vet for that alone.

Cabinfever10 · 08/06/2020 12:55

Don't do it.
It's really not ok to get any pet if 1 or the other doesn't want 1.

HilaryBriss · 08/06/2020 12:56

I've had two cats, both male and neither have ever sprayed anywhere. The first one didn't scrtach anything either but the second has wrecked by dining chairs little sod despite having a massive scratch post and a scratch mat.

Make sure that you get it neutered/spayed, treated for fleas and worms and inocculated.

Original poster
TOADfan · 08/06/2020 13:02

I think he would love it eventually 😂

Yeah we have an outbuilding but it's got the oil heater in it so wouldn't be suitable..in fact we would need to do some cat proofing around the house.

My friend just knows it is between 1-2 years just said it's not been hunting but doesn't look hurt. That's another consideration though vets bills if it is Ill.

I think it'll it was from a rescue I would adopt it in a second it's just the worry if it's Ill, needs injections etc. But at the same time that makes me want to adopt it more to give it a good home.

OP posts:
sassafras123 · 08/06/2020 13:04

My hubby was not used to cats. Now we have 6 and he adores every one of them. it didn't take them long to mould him !

Dotty1970 · 08/06/2020 13:04

I'm not sure, I can't answer but can only say we got one in similar circumstance, he was lovely but wrecked all the furniture, I loved him but it found really hard because of the damage. We tried everything like all the equipment, scratching tree, massive one too.
Everyone was fine with it so I felt like a monster!
He started to urinate (not spray) in places too which was hard to stop and our house stank discusting, eventually we needed new flooring to rid the smell.
He was able to go in and out as much as he liked too.
It was hard having the resentment as you will possibly find with your dh.

Original poster
TOADfan · 08/06/2020 13:07

That's my DHs worry dotty. We just moved in over a year ago and all the furniture was new and we have spent money decorating the house.

That's for your comments everyone, it just helps hearing other people's experience when weighing up the pros and cons.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 08/06/2020 13:10

When you say friendly I’m guessing the cat comes to a person for a stroke? Not sits on their lap and properly affectionate? Outdoor cats don’t usually adapt to indoor living and will continue to want to be outside, coming in or food and sleep.

Ours has never been especially friendly and whilst not destructive it’s all very much on her terms. I’m very fond of her but she’s far from a baby substitute cat.

If you want a truly friendly cat you need one that’s been raised and handled in a family home. By all means pursue your dream but I’d be very cautious of this one.

Nb ours is almost 20!

HeckyPeck · 08/06/2020 13:10

Your husband said it’s up to you so he obviously isn’t dead against it.

It’s very unusual for a cat not to hunt or eat.

I would say to your friend that if she takes the cat to the vet for a check up first to find out if something is wrong then you may be able to take it depending on what is found. Vets bills add up really quickly and it’s your friend’s responsibility to make sure her animal is cared for. Is she just going to leave it to starve if you won’t take it?

IncrediblySadToo · 08/06/2020 13:11

He said yes, I'd be in the car already 🤣

whathaveijustseen · 08/06/2020 13:13

Dh didn't want a cat, he now adores ours, admittedly he wasn't planned as we found a starving, abandoned feral kitten in a ditch and couldn't leave it there!

AnnaBanana333 · 08/06/2020 13:19

If your husband would resent the cat then no, it wouldn't be fair. But it sounds like he doesn't mind really - it's not a no, it's a "I'm not bothered but will if you want to" - then I would do it.

You should get the cat neutered straight away though and yes, if it's ill then it could be very expensive. Mine fell critically ill last year and the final bill was around £2,500 (worth it - he's fine now).

Hingeandbracket · 08/06/2020 13:20

unconditional love
Not from a Cat - you ar thinking of a dog, there.

bodgeitandscarper · 08/06/2020 13:29

I've had many properly feral cats that have tamed to become house cats. I think you'll find that your cat will love home comforts and not be bothered about going out, it certainly seems to be the way with several of ours. In fact properly feral cats can revert to their old fearful ways once out again.
First thing is to confine to a single room, the cat will feel more secure and it gives you a chance to bond properly, then make sure she is neutered, chipped and flea/worm treated. I wasn't aproper cat person, then took in a poor feral, that expanded to si cats and I wouldn't be without them now. Yours is probably a pet that has become lost or been dumped, but neutering is important regardless.

Original poster
TOADfan · 08/06/2020 13:32

I will get insurance if we take it in but initial costs could be high. My friend would be willing to take on the cat but with a newborn it is not practical. She she is very open to seeing if the cat fits in and if not she would take it but that wouldn't be fair to ger or the cat

I'm wondering if I could ask her to get it vet checked? If the cat was ok I would pay the bill and get it vaccinated and nutured? Would that be cheeky of me?

Hingeandbracket I love dogs too.

OP posts:
Original poster
TOADfan · 08/06/2020 13:34

Thanks bodgeitandscarper it helps to know that the cat could possibly be happy as an indoors cat and settle.

OP posts:
EmeliaLily · 08/06/2020 13:35

Get the cat. If you can get the cat, always get the cat! I'd prefer a dog though :P

ilovesooty · 08/06/2020 13:36

It's not cheeky. I think it's essential before you even consider it.

Original poster
TOADfan · 08/06/2020 13:40

This has heloed. I have just texted my friend and asked her about a vet check, will see what she says and go from there. If the cat is healthy I think we will probably take it in, if it's not it will break my heart but we will need to make some tough decisions.

Thanks again everyone. I will keep youse updated.

OP posts:
Lollypop4 · 08/06/2020 13:41

we've always had dogs but our last passed away a few yrs ago...
I got a rabbit, lovely little thing, quite haury so does need grooming...
Then we got 2 kittens....
They are so so much easier than dogs,
Im a complete cat convert- Ours are indoor cats but we built a catio on back of the house to given them an outdoor space safely (we live near a busy road and the catio gives peace of mind)