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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a cat

46 replies

TOADfan · 08/06/2020 12:36

Me and my DH have been discussing get a cat for ages but last night it became a possibility and he confirmed he didn't want a cat.

My friend has a farm and one of the cats isn't hunting or eating but is very friendly. She cannot take it in as she has a newborn and asked if I could have it as she knew I have been looking for one and it wasn't going to survive in the wild. It is the most beautiful friendly cat and I have feel in love.

As well as my husband's objections I do have the worry about it being "feral", fleas, neutering etc.

My head is saying no, my husband is saying no (though said I can take it if its what it want) but my heart is screaming yes at me. I'm crying thinking about this poor wee cat.

We can't have children but I'm at the age when my hormones are crying for a maternal outlet and I just feel so much love for it.

Should I listen to heart or head?

YABU - Head
YANBU - Heart

OP posts:

zafferana · 08/06/2020 13:42

I would get the cat, because that's what I did in January. I deliberately didn't ask my DH outright for his opinion, because his default for any kind of additional responsibility is 'No', but five months on and he loves the cat almost as much as we do!

Original poster

TOADfan · 08/06/2020 13:45

She got back to me and said the cat is eating but it's just not hunting and it is on the farm to be a hunting cat, so they can't keep it there and that the cat needs more nutrition and an indoor home that the farm can't offer.

Few more details to check but I think we might go for it..it's looking more positive now.

OP posts:

TheoriginalLEM · 08/06/2020 13:46

Have you considered costs?

You say the cat is not neutered? £50 to £150

Microchip £10

Food £10-£15 a week

Vaccinations and flea control about £150 a year

Insurance? About £20 a month?

If this cat is a stable dweller it may not enjoy being in a home environment.

It isn't feral if its friendly.

My mum has an ex stable cat, he is very nervous but adores her.

Original poster

TOADfan · 08/06/2020 13:51

Sorry that's why I out feral in commas. I wasn't sure if an outdoor only farm cat was considered feral or not.

I had already been planning on getting a cat (my DH always just said after xyz is done and pushing the timeline back..it was only yesterday I found out it was because he didn't really want one). So already considered all the associated costs but not the initial ones as we planned to rescue from a shelter so just the shelters fee.

OP posts:

eatyourcake · 08/06/2020 13:58

Yes it is likely there will be damage to your home.. every cat is different, but here are our examples. We have several scratching posts and one of the two cats still insists on scratching our upholstered bed, usually to get our attention at 4am. We used to have lovely dining chairs, upholstered, and cats destroyed them, we now have hard chairs and we kept one of those old shredded chairs especially for them, they enjoy scratching it every day. One of the cats jumps up on the door frames when he has the zooms, so we have long scratch marks on most architraves.. Have to hoover every day or the cat hair becomes a problem.. There are holes in some of the net curtains, I'm sick of replacing them. All of our duvet covers look shit, full of pulls, as we let them sleep on the bed, because those fluffy cat cuddles are the best :) Also one of the monsters loves to pee on tiled surfaces, so we had to put in laminate in the kitchen (it was a nightmare in the previous house). Anyways, my husband also said he didn't want a cat, but he loves them so much, 11 years old.

If you decided not to get the cat, at least please take it to a cat shelter, rather than letting it die over there in the wild..

AramintaLee · 08/06/2020 13:59

100% get the cat. I couldn't imagine life without one. They are little bundles of fluff and love.

FangsForTheMemory · 08/06/2020 13:59

@TheoriginalLEM my cat has specialist dry food, it is top of the range and costs about £20 a month, so about a quarter of what you are saying. I'd be surprised if the cat isn't already neutered, as she would be pregnant by now.

UnaCorda · 08/06/2020 14:07

I definitely wouldn't bank on the cat being prepared to stay indoors permanently when it's used to roaming, but that's not to say it won't be happy to spend some of its time inside, especially when eating or sleeping.

Mine is a feisty little thing with a gorgeous character, and is only slightly destructive. She's not much work but is moderately expensive, partly because I feed her decent food. She's also very clean and neat and tidy, but that's just down to luck.

LordGribeau · 08/06/2020 14:08

My DH didn't want a cat. I have always been a cat person, so we now have 2 cats 😻 one of them absolutely adores DH and he loves him too. Get the cat, your DH will get over it.

MissConductUS · 08/06/2020 14:08

I woke up this morning with a cat cuddle, complete with lots of head bump.
I've had lots of cats in my life, two at the moment. We put out lots of cardboard scratchers, which they love, and a big cat tree that they ignore. I've never had a cat that sprayed.

Do it. You'll get so much love and companionship in return.

Oh, if you get it, ask the vet about good quality foods. The supermarket brands are literally rubbish. You'll spend a little more for the good food but save money in lower vet bills and have a healthier, happier cat.

Good luck.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 08/06/2020 14:18

What about toilet training? I've had cats for years but I've never toilet trained one, I don't even know if it's realistic to train a juvenile cat. Also will it have a cat flap?

OctoberCupcake · 08/06/2020 14:30

Take the cat! Fleas and neutering are easily solved, and if the cat is friendly then it is definitely not feral; feral cats won't have anything to do with humans (I adopted a feral kitten 10 years ago and these days he's a big softy but all physical contact is still strictly on his terms). He's never sprayed anywhere inside the house either and was very easily litter trained.

My only concern would be why he's not eating, so he'll need a proper health check before you commit I think.

Original poster

TOADfan · 08/06/2020 14:33

I think if it was to have a scratching problem we would have to re-home it my DHs conditions are it's not allowed in the bedroom or to wrecked the bones of the house eg walls or door frames. I have bought a scratching post and catnip as I read catnip is good to get them to focus their attention.

In regards to toilet training I have googled and watched YouTube videos on it. It seems you can litter train an adult cat easily enough but it just takes time, which I have off work ATM.

I now feel I'm talking myself into this cat which needs a lot of work

OP posts:

Hingeandbracket · 08/06/2020 14:35

I've never met a cat owner who hadn't had them damage their furniture.

Some of them hilariously denied it - but the evidence is clearly visible in threads pulled out of furnishings etc. Fine if you like that sort of thing, but I'd rather do wee behind the sofa and slash it a bit with a knife to create the same effect without the food and vets bills.

Original poster

TOADfan · 08/06/2020 15:37

Furniture I think we could cope with its the new kitchen and walls, doors etc that would be an issue.....but a lovely cat.

I suppose it's like having children in a way, lots of cons with it but the love you feel for them makes it worth it.

OP posts:

MissConductUS · 08/06/2020 15:59

I've never had a cat that scratched walls and doors. The main reason they do it is to take off the dead layers of their claws, so they need something their claws can sink into. That's why the cardboard and sisal scratchers are such a good option and most cats will happily use them. See here for more info:

www.humanesociety.org/resources/cats-destructive-scratching

It is a bit like children in that they become part of your family. Real kids are way more work and money and bother though.

WendyHoused · 08/06/2020 16:16

I wouldn’t get the cat until your husband agrees.

I love all the cats we’ve had over the years, but some have been hyper-destructive little fiends.

Want2beme · 08/06/2020 21:17

Cats can be very destructive and messy. Lots of fur everywhere, litter trays, scratching furniture and carpets, so your DH isn't wrong in thinking that. You have to be very committed to them, or it won't work out. I've got 3 cats and have had cats for many years, but there are times when it's a challenge.

Will you have a catflap installed? And will you have someone to look after the cat when you go away?

Hope it works out for you

Mittens030869 · 08/06/2020 21:27

My DH was very unsure about cats when we met, but I already had one, and he wanted to be with me, so that meant my cat as well! Now we have 3 and he's a real convert now. And our DDs are cat lovers too. So I think your DH will be fine, as he doesn't actually mind really.

I would be concerned for this particular cat's health, though.

LadyFeliciaMontague · 08/06/2020 21:38

DH didn’t want a cat.
DH adores our cat and calls her ‘my little princess’
A much loved pet and a few pulled threads in the carpet is better than a perfect pet free home. We don’t have any other damage anywhere as she has a few scratching posts so doesn’t scratch any furniture. The hairs are another matter!

zafferana · 10/06/2020 13:52

I suppose it's like having children in a way, lots of cons with it but the love you feel for them makes it worth it.

It really isn't. Our cat is no work at all really. She is fed twice a day, she is let in and out (we don't have a cat flap - no suitable place to put one), and I occasionally have to change her litter, but she toilets outside 99% of the time. Yes, you have to pay for pet insurance (£13 a month) a flea/wormer (£11 a month), food (depends what you feed them) and possibly litter. Mostly, our cat sleeps. She is very clean. She has vomited twice in the house in five months, that's it. She is 98% pure, unadulterated joy. I can't imagine why I put off getting a cat for so long. The pluses FAR outweigh the minuses.

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