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To think that 3-yr olds shouldn't be allowed to play out by themselves?

147 replies

jigglepuff · 22/09/2007 21:23

We live on a lovely quiet cul-de-sac. There are lots of kids playing out most of the time. They will usually have one or both parents watching them. However, one family doesn't come out to watch their children. I think that as one of their children is only 3, they should be keeping a closer watch on them. Would you consider this acceptable? I don't feel that it's fair that I'm effectively responsible for this child, whether I want to be or not.

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 22/09/2007 23:06

sorry if offended, but they have even cut the bus service through thornhill due to the trouble.

ChantillyLace · 22/09/2007 23:08

not offended, wasnt born there!! had many friends there and hated the place! saw the thing about the buses but they're putting them back on now with plain clothes police officers on board! sad isnt it?!

Cherrymix · 22/09/2007 23:09

I think the OP is right - I don't think a 3 y/o should be allowed to play out near a road (even if it is a cul de sac) unsupervised and if it was my 3 y/o I wouldn't presume that someone else was happy to supervise him. I'd either go out myself or check with the adult already out there.

I wouldn't trust a 3 y/o playing near a road to understand all the implications of being near traffic - they just don't understand that even if you can see him a driver can't always see you. Its true they can have an accident in the home but its much less likely to result in serious injury than being hit by a car (see Child Accient Prevention Trust website).

MamaMaiasaura · 22/09/2007 23:10

it is chantily. Unfrotunately ds's school's catchment area covers thornhill too. HE comes home from school saying he wants to go to a private school . They play 'gangsters' at play time as a lot of the kids older brothers or sisters are in Thornhill or Sholing gangs.

ChantillyLace · 22/09/2007 23:12

that really is sad! can see why you need to get out! perhaps you should consider Eastleigh, there are some lovely people down this way!

miobombino · 22/09/2007 23:12

Chantilly, a tentative "perhaps", though it depends on what training they had. i don't know for example whether any advanced swimming skills (this was a very deep and expansive ex pit remember) would have been part of it. Otherwise you're looking at potential multiple drownings

ChantillyLace · 22/09/2007 23:14

understand that mio but just dont think I could stand by and watch 2 children in trouble in the water and I am terrified of water, I can swim but stay away from the stuff as much as poss!

MamaMaiasaura · 22/09/2007 23:15

Need to move a bit closer to Hythe as dp works near there. Also I grew up in Eastleigh and kind of dont want to go back to childhood.

ChantillyLace · 22/09/2007 23:17

Hythe is a bugger to get to so appreciste wanting to live closer. I left Soton when I was 4 and spent my childhood in CFord. Have never left and most of my school friends seem to still be around but luckily all my exes are out of area!!!

kama · 24/09/2007 11:31

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kama · 24/09/2007 11:35

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Hulababy · 24/09/2007 11:40

I wouldn't allow a 3 year old to play outside on their own. I wouldn't allow my 5.5 year old outside the back garden on her own.

Even the small cul-de-sacs here have potentially fast cars on them and drivers not always looking where they are going.

And I don't necessarily want the responsibility of looking after someone else's small child if not asked and agreed beforehand. It's not my job!

Oh, and as for with older children - that would very much depend on circumstances, who and where, etc. My sister is 9 years younger than me and me and my brother (7 year difference to sister) did look after her on occasions, but I wouldn't say we were always as responsible as we should be regarding her. Older children, even the most trustworthy and well behaved, can have lapses - so maybe every so often, but not all the time. And definitely check out circumstances at the time.

Anna8888 · 24/09/2007 11:43

A reasonably cautious three year old in a secure back garden is fine, as long as all the tools are put away and you can watch your child through the window.

No way should a three year old be allowed to play anywhere near cars or traffic.

Hulababy · 24/09/2007 11:46

I also did not have this so called freedom when growing up. I wasn't allowed to play poutside of the garden until middle school - so at start of Y5. I still had loads of friends, had a very happy childhood full of fun, and I am now a well adjusted independent adult who is more than capable of getting through life.

I am in no way worried that my DD and her friends will be in any way hindered by me (and their parents) not allowing them outside the garden to play.

MaryBleedinPoppins · 24/09/2007 11:49

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MaryBleedinPoppins · 24/09/2007 11:51

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Lorayn · 24/09/2007 11:57

I used to live in a quiet close where there was a big patch of grass outside the houses, and you had to walk downa long path to get to the car park which was the only 'road-type thingy'
I would allow DD(then aged 3)to play outside if I was in the kitchen, as I could see her, otherwise I would sit on the doorstep.
What I didnt like was the family up the street (whose window did NOT face the green) allowing their child out to play without supervision, I felt expected to watch her, and she often ran down to the road whereas DD would stay by my front door.
I dont think it is unreasonable for a 3yo to play out, dependent on area(I wouldnt allow dd to play outside where we live now and she is nearly 7) but I do think it is unreasonable to expect someone to keep an eye on your children without discussion.

clarinsgirl · 24/09/2007 12:03

My DS is 2.5 and I wouldn't even let him play indoors alone without at least popping into the room every 5 mins. Can't imagine allowing him to play outside on his own (we also live in a quiet cul-de-sac).

Partly because I'm a cautious parent, partly because I know my son. He loves to climb and run and sees no danger.

I know Franny from other posts though and so I'm sure she's doing what's right for her child.

If I let my son play unsupervised in front of the house right now, it would be reckless and neglectful but that doesn't mean the same is true for other parents / children.

EmsMum · 24/09/2007 12:18

I'm afraid I've not had time to read full thread. I sympathise with the OP - we live in a quiet cul-de-sac too, which (in previous proper summers!) had quite a lot of kids playing out. There was one little girl who was confidently riding her bike unsupervised, without stabilizers before the age of 4, in the road - zoom off her drive straight over the middle of the road without looking. Gave me the willies. Quiet cul-de-sacs still have cars moving, often in reverse and delivery vehicles whose drivers don't know to expect kamikaze preschooler.

If the child had been playing on her own lawn, with other kids around, that would have been rather different.

I guess her parents had different perception of risk to the rest of us....

The little girl didn't get run over, but sadly did get very badly trampled while holding a horse when she was about 5 - she is OK now but nearly every bone in her body was broken.

Blu · 24/09/2007 12:25

Hmmm. Is this the same franny who was allowing her child to lower a basket of objects out of a window arms folded over bosom, air sucked in through teeth>>

Depends on the cul-de-sac, the child and the company. And probably other factors too. I used to play out at 3 on the patch of grass in the middle of our cul-de-sac. And one day one of the older children (5, probably) got us all to pick grass to out in his little brothers ice cream to poison him, as he was fed up with supervising him. It's a bleak harsh and dangerous world out there.

Wouldn' let DS play out because if a dog came along the pavement DS would dive, without thought, off the pavement and under the wheels of an Ocado delivery van to avoid it. Otherwise I rather envy people who live in safe cul-de-sacs or those little enclaves of 'town house' and would let Ds play out if the circumstances were right.

Jaynerae · 24/09/2007 13:05

Would you leave your 3yr child alone in your house - and pop back every half an hour to check if he/she was OK? Say if you went to neighbours for coffee?

Interesting isn't it?

Lorayn · 24/09/2007 13:57

there is much more possible harm in your house

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