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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Motivation during lockdown

80 replies

UnaCorda · 07/06/2020 18:50

I've been mainly at home on my own for the past three months and am really struggling with motivation. Everything seems pointless when a) I'm not seeing anyone and b) there's nothing to look forward to.

I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything either useful or interesting, apart from watching Netflix and reading Mumsnet. My flat is just on the right side of being a health hazard, but it's a bit of a tip. Part of me doesn't care, and part of me feels guilty for not spring-cleaning like everyone else seems to be doing.

I'm going to bed too late, eating too much crap, not doing enough exercise. I can't decide if I'm depressed - if not, I'm certainly not feeling particularly upbeat or optimistic and can't imagine things improving even when the covid situation does.

Any words of advice much appreciated...

OP posts:

EnlightenedOwl · 07/06/2020 23:40

The inability to read a book is really weird. I am really ground down honestly not been even in a shop since 23 March it's just not normal life

Original poster

UnaCorda · 07/06/2020 23:43

I often find it much easier to focus on reading books when I'm staying with family. When I'm at home on my own I seem to feel a need for some semblance of interaction, so find myself drawn to TV or the internet, especially forums, etc.

OP posts:

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 07/06/2020 23:44

This won;t be a lot of help, but I'm so glad I'm not the only one.
Another piece of cake before bed?

nettie434 · 08/06/2020 00:03

I've been feeling the same too. No helpful tips. I was going to meet a friend for a socially distant picnic on Saturday. I was partly relieved the weather was so awful we couldn't go and partly disappointed I was not being forced to get out picnic basket, cutlery etc.

BogRollBOGOF · 08/06/2020 00:54

My motivation has evaporated. I need external structure and motivation. I need real consequences. I'm just drowning in a void of time.

Family are permanently home but it's still socially imbalanced. I'm tired of yapping abou Minecraft or nuclear weapons or pokemon or DH's geek industey. There's no fresh stimulus. I'm lonley and talked/ touched out. I want to be with different people and alone.

In the morming I'm going to fuck off to a nice place and just get out of here for several hours (with DCs) because I'm now bored of everything local. Fuck fucking homeschool.

Week 12 here we come. Yawn.

BogRollBOGOF · 08/06/2020 00:55

And I can't cope with life by video chat. I need real life, not a screen faking it and reminding me. I need social connection in places that are not my house.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 08/06/2020 01:12

Im REALLY struggling.

Iv completely lost my mojo .

I started out doing crafts, regular zoom Pilates, etc etc.

Now i have to literally FORCE myself to go for a walk.

I feel tired, disinterested, and low with nothing to look forward to.

My sleep pattern is rubbish, I constantly fatigued and iv put weight on.

I miss spontaneity.

Im off sick currently but dreading going back to work. I didn't sign up to nurse in a tragically managed pandemic. Im scared and so stressed by everything right now.

Redroses27 · 08/06/2020 03:46

I'm glad others are feeling this way. OP get out for a walk if you do nothing else, I regret that I sat around most of today, cleaned the kitchen at eleven tonight and only went for my 45min walk at midnight! The streets were deserted and I wished I'd gone out earlier. I've work tomorrow so hope I wake up.

EnlightenedOwl · 08/06/2020 06:49

I had a better day yesterday in that did an 8 mile walk and found energy enough do 2 loads washing and clean. That might be me for the week now though

ThatLockdownLyfe · 08/06/2020 07:22

It's overall looking positive for holidays though. And OP because you're off work you'll be able to do the 2 week quarantine.

Look at it like this. Either you cqn take a pessimistic stance like half of MN, and don't book, have nothing to look forward to and feel even worse. Or, you can be optimistic, book something, look forward to it for a few weeks, which will improve your MH massively. And then IF it is cancelled you will be able to deal with that if and when it happens. At least you will have had the benefit for those weeks. Do you see what I'm saying? it's like gaming your brain into feeling better.

I think you are totally ok to use public transport to go on an excursion for your MH btw.

Being kept isolated like this is no way to live.

I recommend "the happiness hypothesis" as an interesting and useful read on how to be happy / have good MH. It is ok to game your brain!

Snog · 08/06/2020 07:53

I've been less productive than you OP. Have suddenly had some success with my house in the last week usingthe technique of setting a timer for 5 minutes a day and working in one room for just five minutes.

We have been forced into living in an unnatural way and it is v stressful, be kind to yourself.

Egghead68 · 08/06/2020 08:05

I use that timer technique too @Snog (when I can be bothered!) It works well.

Bin85 · 08/06/2020 09:37

Try TOMM for cleaning motivation
Or some of the Flylady principles are useful e g you can do anything for 15 minutes
Or list 6 jobs
Roll a dice and do that one
Getting started is the worst bit

Winter2020 · 08/06/2020 09:38

What works for me to do a little cleaning (and I badly need to take my own advice!)

I put on a radio programme I like or an old tv show that is comfort viewing like Gavin and Stacey - I don't really need to watch it because I know the show...
then I start in a corner and at a slow pace start to clean the corner thoroughly (this is the tumble dryer in my kitchen (clear the top of clutter/wipe it over), then move along to the next bit ...the worktop with the toaster - empty crumbs/wipe surface ...and so on.
I can stop when I want but often enjoy the radio or tv programme and keep going for a while. I have pretty much always quit before I finish the room though!

I think my problem is I have a high expectation perfectionist ideal of how clean and ordered I want things to be and am so far from it that it's overwhelming so I just try to do one bit thoroughly and work my way round. I always end up with some done thoroughly and the rest abandoned although I know logically that giving tge whole room a quick spruce up that isn't a deep clean would make much more sense.

cardibach · 08/06/2020 09:45

I agree with @UnaCorda that knowing it isn’t just me is helping. Several people on this last page (I’m on the website - since Una’s last post if you aren’t) Who express exactly how I feel. I don’t want people to make suggestions about how I can get stuff done. I know how to do that. The problem is that I no longer want to, or have the energy to be bothered.
@ThatLockdownLyfe gaming your brain may work for you. I know myself. If I book a holiday I’ll stress about not being able to go which will make me feel bad now and if/when I can’t the crash down will be even worse. It simply won’t work for me. We aren’t all the same.

cardibach · 08/06/2020 09:48

Oh, and also on holidays - they are problematic when you are single anyway. I have travelled alone but it’s not what I want at the moment after 12 weeks more or less completely alone...

sobersides · 08/06/2020 10:13

I have no motivation or joy in my life at the moment. I've been furloughed and have exhausted the usual avenues of distraction but I now feel that anything I do has zero impact on anyone...so why do it?
The most worrying thing is that since April 6th I have only been for two walks and been to the shop twice. I've become fearful of going out even though on the one occasion I drove it was amazing. Now I need to put fuel in the car so that's another mental barrier.
In short, I sympathise with you but have no answers. Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Oly4 · 08/06/2020 10:27

Exercise will make a huge difference to you. Go out first thing for an hours walk or a bike ride, it will set you up for the rest of the day. Then make yourself some amazing healthy food, do an hour of housework then spend afternoons with the telly or relaxing

3LittleMonkeyz · 08/06/2020 10:32

Don't watch tv or go online until the evening. Or whatever other time would suit you. I find once I start watching a series all bets are off me doing anything else really! You can get apps that limit the time you can spend on certain things too. Eg. You get locked out of mumsnet after you've been on for an hour.

wizzbangfizz · 08/06/2020 10:37

I feel exactly the same I feel fat and pointless and am struggling to get up each day. I've started to exercise but it's so hard.

Original poster

UnaCorda · 08/06/2020 13:45

Oh, and also on holidays - they are problematic when you are single anyway. I have travelled alone but it’s not what I want at the moment after 12 weeks more or less completely alone...

This is very true. I was supposed to be spending a fortnight abroad with extended family this summer. Obviously that's not going to happen, so that leaves a distinctly unappealing choice of a solo holiday that may not happen, or no summer holiday at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

UnaCorda · 08/06/2020 13:54

Look at it like this. Either you can take a pessimistic stance like half of MN, and don't book, have nothing to look forward to and feel even worse. Or, you can be optimistic, book something, look forward to it for a few weeks, which will improve your MH massively. And then IF it is cancelled you will be able to deal with that if and when it happens. At least you will have had the benefit for those weeks. Do you see what I'm saying? smile it's like gaming your brain into feeling better.

Unfortunately there's no way my brain will be conned - or "gamed" into forgetting that the trip might end up not being possible and that, as things stand, my travel insurance won't be valid - and that, if it is cancelled, I have to go through the rigmarole of claiming back money, etc.

OP posts:

mbosnz · 08/06/2020 14:07

With starting small, how about tackling one cupboard or drawer? And so on, and so on, until one room is done. I find that if I do one, I'm more motivated to do another, and it only takes about 20 minutes to do one. And if I don't feel like doing another, then I don't.

I am finding it hard today, also. I don't live on my own, I've got DH and two teenaged daughters. My eldest daughter and I have both simultaneously lost the will to find any kind of joy in life, to try and look on the bright side, or to believe that this too shall pass.

I have insisted to myself to get off my ever expanding arse and do two loads of washing, and to turn out three wardrobes and a set of drawers. I think it's easier though, because I've got other people here, and feel that I can't just sit on MN on the couch all day when everybody else has stuff to do.

PollyPelargonium52 · 08/06/2020 14:08

I do Buddhist chanting which is good for motivation and focus but life has been too hard of late. Am enjoying a few days of not showering and going out but just doing indoor chores that are long outstanding. Too rundown to push and get properly dressed etc

IrenetheQuaint · 08/06/2020 14:09

Yes, I agree that was a weird suggestion - though maybe it would be possible to make some informal plans with friends/family (along the lines of, shall we meet up in July if lockdown is reduced further?). I am starting to do this.

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