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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Biscoff Spread Argument

32 replies

Anna783426 · 07/06/2020 10:15

Ridiculous argument in our house today. AIBU to think husband is a bit of a twat?

He has been hoarding a jar of Biscoff spread, which I had been resisting eating. Yesterday he went out mountain biking, getting home around 3pm. I got very bored and hungry and rather than making a healthy lunch I ate half a jar of Biscoff spread. We have a five month old baby and I am finding lockdown a bit tough, she's lovely but her chat is rubbish and I was just bored and I bloody love Biscoff spread.

Came down this morning and he'd left the jar on the stairs without saying anything. Then said I should be ashamed of myself and I have to promise never to do this again. I did feel slightly shamed for eating half a jar of Biscoff, especially as I'm struggling with post pregnancy weight loss but also aware shit happens. Dug a little deeper and his beef is that it was his jar, that's why I should be ashamed. I've said I'll replace it, obviously. I'm a bit stupid for eating it but is he a bit of a twat for reacting that way? We were meant to be having today as a family and I honestly can't stand the sight of him.

OP posts:
zscaler · 07/06/2020 10:17

You should not be ashamed about eating anything - food is not a moral issue. And your husband is an absolute arsehole for making you feel that way. He is the only person who has behaved badly in this situation, and he should be reminded that you aren’t a child and you don’t need to be disciplined by him.

Whataroyalannoyance · 07/06/2020 10:18

If you knew he was saving it then uabu. Sometimes I want something for ME the fact my husband also likes it isn't my issue.my husband seems to think if it's in a cupboard it's always free for all so I have to specifically tell him to keep his hands off.
If it was just away and you didn't know he wanted it kept then uanbu.
Why didn't you just buy your own jars?

IndigoHexagon · 07/06/2020 10:20

I’m afraid that would have made me eat the other half of the jar out of bloody mindedness! How dare he try and shame you, whether for eating half a jar or because ‘it was his’!

Queenoftheashes · 07/06/2020 10:21

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/gingerbread-cake-caramel-biscuit-icing
Buy him a new jar. Buy yourself one and make above cake. Don’t give him any.
I once ate a jar of biscoff to diffuse an awkward work situation. Sometimes it’s what needs to happen.

Nottherealslimshady · 07/06/2020 10:24

If this was the other way round people would be baying for his blood.
He was saving something quite small and insignificant for himself, presumably eating a small amount at a time. You got a bit peckish while he was out and ate the rest of the jar of spread -hopefully- with a spoon.
There must have plenty of other things to be eaten, it's not like he has a cupboard full of all the decent food dedicated to himself. I do think you were quite greedy and selfish. He most likely wouldn't have minded if you'd had a bit spread on toast.

Queenoftheashes · 07/06/2020 10:28

It’s freely available in the shop I’m sure she will get more.
This is generally what happens when any type of food runs out. Not that she ate it all.

Queenoftheashes · 07/06/2020 10:29

And why couldn’t he have just said do you mind getting some more biscoff rather than passive aggressively leaving it on the stairs? Prick.

travellerist · 07/06/2020 10:32

In my house everything is shared. So as long as you only ate half the jar YANBU.

malmi · 07/06/2020 10:32

Did you eat the second half? IE did you empty the jar?

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 07/06/2020 10:33

If he was saving it for something in particular then it is a bit unreasonable. My ex used to do things like eat an ice lolly from a pack of 4- we have 4DC’s. I called him selfish for that because it meant the kids then couldn’t have them as one would miss out, and I’d bought them for the kids not him. However if it wasn’t for something in particular then it is fair game IMO especially if you replace it. If I had a snack I didn’t want to share I’d hide it, not leave it in the general snack area

VettiyaIruken · 07/06/2020 10:33

Ashamed of yourself?

Who the actual fuck does he think he is?

It's a jar of pureed biscuit FFS. They're a couple of quid and sold everywhere.

Replace the half jar you ate since it's so important but he'd better never ever touch any food or drink item that you have claimed as yours.

And yes, I mean half a jar. Buy one, scoop out half and present him with the other half with a letter of apology and a sincere promise to self flagellate nightly and to never ever touch the Holy Jar Of Biscoff again.

Buy a tiny satin pillow for The Jar to rest upon.

Halloweenbabyy · 07/06/2020 10:33

If that was my husband id have told him to fuck off and ate the rest. He sounds like sn absolute twat.

BarbaraofSeville · 07/06/2020 10:33

Why was he 'hoarding the jar'? Surely it was there to be eaten and no-one needs a whole jar to themselves? You ate your half and left him his half?

Or was he planning to use it for a cake or other recipe that needs a whole jar and now he can't make it? If this is the case, you should replace the jar, and maybe you should have said something in case he set off making his cake and found that he didn't have everything he needed.

Him leaving it on the stairs and telling you that you should be ashamed of yourself is not on though.

Bluetonic41 · 07/06/2020 10:36

Sorry but I think yabu, I have a little treat stash separate from DP & DC's and would be fuming if they got at it. I have very little of anything to myself at the moment and my treats are important!

Vectura · 07/06/2020 10:37

You should feel slightly guilty that you ate his biscoff and buy him a new jar. He should be fine with that- he wasn’t eating it yet anyway.

The real issue is that he felt the need to passive aggressively shame you by leaving it on the stairs. Massive twat behaviour, and takes him from being the slightly wronged party to a massive dickhead. Point out that shaming someone for eating is never a good thing and that if he was upset you had eaten his spread he should have calmly pointed it out, rather than leaving the jar sitting there in a threatening manner like you are a child being forewarned of a telling off. Pathetic behaviour on his part.

Original poster
Anna783426 · 07/06/2020 10:37

It was the first half of the jar... actually less than half, so still more than half a jar left. It was also crunchy, not smooth, if that makes a difference. I like to think that no-one would be baying for blood over half a jar of Biscoff spread but each to their own.

Update: I've had an angry shower, he's apologised, said he over reacted and didn't think about the connection to food etc. I am going to make a Biscoff cake later, thanks for the suggestion @queenoftheashes. I might share, I might not.

OP posts:
ImInYourMindFuzz · 07/06/2020 10:37

I’ve seen lots of posts on here when DH has ate DWs chocolate / biscuits/ cake and they’ve been lynched. Personally I don’t understand this idea of “my food” it’s all our food here. Buy him a new jar, but tell him he was a twat about it for trying to shame you. Shaming anyone is a shitty thing to do.

Iloveacurry · 07/06/2020 10:38

He’s a twat. Honestly, he pisses off most of the Saturday on his bike, whilst you’re look after the baby! All food in the house is shared surely? Was he really going to eat the whole jar himself?

FOJN · 07/06/2020 10:39

Perhaps he could mountain bike to the shops and buy some more. I really couldn't take this behaviour seriously from an adult. Passive aggressive behaviour is rarely helpful but I can use it to amuse myself when someone is being ridiculous so like another poster, I'd have eaten the other half of the jar for breakfast and hope I didn't choke because I was laughing. Buy 10 jars at your next shop and label them his and hers.

doughnuthole · 07/06/2020 11:05

Why don't you go out for 6 hours to do something fun and just for you and leave him to look after DD? See what coping mechanism he comes up with?

whichteaareyou · 07/06/2020 11:09

I would be annoyed if my husband had eaten something he knew I was saving! It's very selfish!

vanillandhoney · 07/06/2020 11:12

I don't know.

I've seen lots of posts on here where people have been saving treats for themselves, their husbands have eaten them and all the replies have basically called him a bastard Hmm

I'm glad everything is sorted for you though.

SoupDragon · 07/06/2020 11:12

If this was the other way round people would be baying for his blood.

This.

That said, you both need to get a grip and get over it.

SoupDragon · 07/06/2020 11:13

Glad you've made up :)

CleanAndPaidFor · 07/06/2020 11:16

He's been a monumental twat. No question.

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