What would you think about this?

[Rumbletumbleinmytummy]

What would you think if two children of a household both grew up to have personality disorders? The only thing in common is their shared childhood.

Genetics?

1. that it was very unfortunate, but also very interesting as its unusual
2. I'd hope it was poor genetics but would think there had been childhood trauma

A Quick google states abuse / neglect.

Genetic.

Abuse/neglect hardly unbelievable in this day.

I'd think genetics

When you said "shared household", did you means same family or not blood related, for example step brother or sister?

Nature V nurture debate 🤷🏻‍♀️

Same family. Sibling with one parent in common.

I only ask because I am one of those grown up children, In the past ive been shouted down about my childhood (when diagnosed with the PD I was told that our childhood was lovely, but I was the problem)

I've carried around a lot of shame that maybe I was predisposed to having a PD and maybe our childhood wasnt as bad as it seems. Maybe I'm just a picky person expecting perfection.

But I heard my sibling has the same PD days ago, and it's made me think maybe I'm not the problem, maybe it really was our childhood.

I'm not close with sibling and not in contact with the rest of the family, so isnt something I can really discuss with them tbh

I know I'll get an unbiased answer here.

Thank you.

It’s epigenetics. Nature and nurture.

I have one child with what I am sure is a PD although still undisgnosed, her gp has proposed it, and one not.

I don’t think this is parenting as there has been several traumas I was not able to prevent (assault outwith the family). If it was both though I would wonder where my parenting went wrong.

So what I’m saying is trauma causes this; parenting is not the only way to get trauma; but double it and it looks more likely.

Complex PTSD caused by sustained relational / emotional abuse or neglect in childhood.

What happened to you?

It could be either genetic or environmental, or a mixture of both.

Is it a possibility that one of your parents had a BPD? i worked in CP and when doing parenting assessments, tje majority of parents did have some MH issues, that had gone undiagnosed until they became known to us.

But BPD can be completely genetic.

You might get more closure if you talk about incidents and your feelings of neglect are validated.

Although you need to be predispositioned to develop a personality disorder, it is 'taught'. It is not something you are born with.

@RJnomore1 I am so sorry

Thank you I am ok, I just hope she is eventually. And I hope you and your sibling are too.

This does not define you. It’s just a piece of who you are.

This is giving me some food for thought, thanks for all input so far!

I suffered sexual, physical and emotional abuse and neglect. Much of which is so ingrained in the family unit that it's not even noticed that it was happening (not the CSA but other things like beatings excused as a slap, neglect passed off, emotional abuse just passed off as well, you were sensitive, you were always so hard to please) as eldest i was pretty much elevated to parent status taking care of my siblings as though I were their parent.

On a level I know this isnt true, but also theres the niggling thought that maybe it was true, because until now I've been the only one who's suffered any sort of long term issue.
But I am also the only child who's grown up to lead a different life so maybe the extent of what we went through isnt as obvious to them.

I didnt want to clutch at straws and run away with the idea that its proof that our childhood was the root cause of our issues.

Also, speaking with professionals has been brilliant for me. I've had my feelings validated by them, but again, that's just going on my view of things

Rumble my child suffered abuse but not at my hands. The disturbing thing is she equates attempts to parent, eg removing items, calling the police, with control and abuse.

Your situation sounds totally different. I’m very surprised if your siblings have no issues. You are strong. This was not created by you BUT you can overcome it.

That’s an incredible battering you have taken as a child. I am sorry that you endured so much sustained hurt.

I would suggest that that had a huge impact on your emotional and psychological development. You don’t (and won’t) get an acknowledgement or an apology from the people involved - but if you are experiencing the symptoms of complex PTSD there is a lot that can be done to resolve it. Have a look at this website:

www.pete-walker.com/

RJnomore - the website could also help you and your child.

And this book really helped me come to terms with a very difficult childhood which still no one else will acknowledge - but you don’t need them to heal - you can do it yourself (with professional support)

www.waterstones.com/book/toxic-parents/susan-forward/9780553814828

Genetics, most likely.

Abuse is not a factor in a significant proportion of personality disorders.

At least when it comes to BPD, you'll not only get inaccurate answers, OP, you'll get wildly stigmatising answers.

If you are a BPD sufferer yourself, it is likely (as is likely for most things that happen to us!) that you have a genetic susceptibility triggered by your environment. If you had grown up in a non-abusive home, and had not experienced trauma outside the home, you may have been less likely to develop BPD symptoms. But you may still have done so.

I'd suggest not turning to Mumsnet for BPD advice.

I am fairly sure my MH problems are genetic, but my friend suffers from PD and she is fairly sure it is a result of her mother's treatment towards her, she is an only child, so it is hard to sort of say.

I think its a difficult thing to call unless there is a severe neglect in the household, which from your posts there is

Trauma is a significant factor in the development of lots of mental health issues with known strong genetic components. So while you may carry the gene for bipolar disorder, it is usually compounded by trauma. This is why you'll see familial patterns and non-correlation in different types of trauma. If the trauma factor occurred in childhood, it's likely that siblings might also express it, but if the trauma is for example an assault in teen years, that may not be so, even if the siblings carry the gene. Epigenetics are fascinating and we'll be mapping them for a long time yet, but yes, it's entirely possible that yours and your sibling's PD was triggered by a traumatic childhood. It's possible that your other siblings didn't respond the same way to the abuse, didn't experience it to the same level, don't carry the gene that makes it likely, or do have undiagnosed PDs, but any of those outcomes don't make your diagnosis something that you should feel shame or blame over. You don't need them to confirm for you that what you experienced was not ok. I'm sorry it happened and very glad for you that you've been able to access support.

From experience, both nature & nurture. My mother was adopted, her bio mother who had died by the time I found her, had a father who isolated & emotionally abused her, then cut her off totally when she got pregnant by some older guy she met at work. My DM never bonded with her adoptive mother so there was attachment disorder & huge anger, plus I suspect an undiagnosed mild personality disorder. She was incredibly emotionally abusive to me, but totally un self aware. It was only as I reached 19 & was doing child psychology as part of my degree that I started to realise & gain some insight into the cause of my depression. Its sad, but someone self aware, as you are, can probably mend or break the cycle.