To think I should be a bit miffed....

[Starcup]

So DH and I have always been on same page regarding most things. We both feel the same and have discussed at length what we would be comfortable with regarding work/personal relationships. And what we feel would be crossing the line for us.

I totally understand different relationships will have different lines etc and it comes down to what the couple feel is ok or not

I’ve got no male friends. My female friends are all I need. They talk as much as I need and see things from my perspective.

My partner has one female friend but she’s married to his best cousin and they all went to school together so no problem with that at all.

Issue is, he works with a lady who appears to like make attention. Doesn’t seem to want anything from them other than what they can provide for her at work etc, taking her for lunch etc, Starbucks coffee.

DH says he cringes at the 2 men that make a fuss of her all the time (one is married the other single)

I know her through a friend and she’s ok but portrays the ‘woe is me’ persona/Damsel in distress.

So I went in to DH office couple of days ago and seen an email asking about stuff not work related. I went in again later that day and seen similar.

I thought it’s a bit of a coincidence that the two emails I see from her are taking about non work stuff. So is it just bad timing I seen the emails and it was genuinely they are the only ones sent about non work chit chat and it so happens in the 3 mins I was there, they were the only messages sent of sort?

Why am I fussing? Well I can’t go in to details on here but I suspect she likes make attention. My DH is nice looking and is her team leader.

I’m annoyed as he doesn’t need to reply to her about things not related to work. We have both said we wouldn’t see the need in this as we are not friends etc with work colleagues so what’s the point? He’s also said in the past he thinks it’s ridiculous the way the other two lads are constantly messaging her about things not work rebated.

He knows my line and be agreed he felt the same. We’re not friends with work colleagues of the opposite sex out of of work. Pointless messages about tea etc.... is what he takes this piss out of. He’d condone others for the same, yet here he is chatting about unrelated work stuff. Why? Why is it different for him but it’s OTT if it gets do it?

I’d she starts up about nine work rates stuff just don’t answer?

tbh OP, like everyone else I think you need to look into your own assumpptions and behaviour.

YABVU and controlling. You have no cause to be “miffed”.

Your DH hasn’t done anything wrong; he can have conversations and messages with women and he doesn’t need to tell you about him. He’s allowed his own platonic relationships and privacy.

Even if she does like male attention, so what? Even if she was throwing herself at your DH day in, day out, so what? As long as your DH doesn’t cross that line there is no issue.

Paranoia = life destroyer

Why were you reading your DH’s work email? I have no idea about what’s going on with the woman at work, but you sound insanely intrusive and untrusting.

My boss and his wife are one of the sweetest couples I know. He met her when she had been abused physically by a previous partner and left with a 1 year old. He refers to that child as his eldest. He is now 21. The second child who is biologically his he refers to as his youngest.
He is Skype calling all of the team during lockdown about work and to check on welfare. Sometimes she is in the background in her dressing gown and I will wave and say hi. I cried at work in January because my partner had dumped me. He said I'm here any time you need to speak as a boss and as a friend. I havent text him about it but if it had affected my work and I needed time off work i would have text him to let him know.
Good bosses look after their staff.. he is like it with all of the team Male and female. No flirting whatsoever and he is the most devoted to his wife person I know.
Very transparent with his wife though. So a female colleague emailing him seems normal to me ...

I took office to mean the room in the house used as an office, not a separate building where he works. That made one bit of the OP less weird for me.

This is nuts.

So next time my boss asks me how was your weekend, I just won’t answer. That will go down well I’m sure.

@Love51 actually yes it makes a bit more sense read like that. I was wondering how she was let into an office building during lockdown. But I’m happy to agree I read i the wrong way!

He knows my line and be agreed he felt the same. We’re not friends with work colleagues of the opposite sex out of of work.

You sound very controlling and actually a bit of a bunny boiler

If the shoe was on the other foot and you were a man refusing for your wife to have any male friendships you'd be labelled as controlling and abusive.....

Who give a 💩 if they want to talk about tea!