Neighbours keep being noisy late at night - AIBU

[CowgirlBride]

The property next door to us was recently rented by a young couple (early to mid twenties) Prior to that it has been vacant since we bought our house in September. (In fact it was on the market at the same time as our one was) We met them when they were moving their stuff in so they know we have a baby.
10 days ago was the first night they slept there and they woke DS (7 months) up at midnight by clattering around in their shed which is practically below his window.
The next night they were again being noisy and woke the baby and DH went over at 11pm and asked them (politely) to keep the noise down. Turns out they were assembling some bunk beds.
The houses basically mirror each other so all the bedrooms back onto each other and the sound carries.
A few days after that they clunking around again late but luckily didn't wake the baby. And again tonight there's been banging and now DS is seriously wiggling.
DS is normally a really good sleeper but two weeks ago I had to get him up late at night as DH had cut his finger badly and I drove him to A&E. DS then got into a bad sleep pattern which I was trying hard to overcome but when the neighbours banged in the shed, it just cemented the problem. Once DS is up he thinks he's been to sleep all night and is then up and unsettled for hours. And he was doing this every night.
DS has JUST about got settled into a sensible sleep pattern again and I really don't want to undo everything I've worked so hard for.
I understand that having moved in recently they will have things to do, and I would never expect them to be quiet during the day, even if it was during DS nap time as obviously his schedule is nothing to do with them. But I think late at night is a different matter. DH also works in care so has really early starts, so it's not fair on him either.
AIBU to think I shouldn't have to keep reminding the neighbours to keep the noise down?

I agree with 1 million name changes later .This is life in a semi detached new type home! Give them a few weeks and they may settle down a bit .Probably not a good idea to complain too much though as it sets a bad precedant for future relations with them

Yabu, banging here and there I’m afraid is everyday noise.

I'm seriously shocked by the number of people that think that post 10pm is an acceptable time to bang/clatter/hammer assembling furniture. And saying drilling is unacceptable but other equivalent loud noise is okay. The night of the bunk beds it seriously sounded like they just dropped a load of parts on the floor at arms length.
I'm not taking about normal moving about their property noises. I'm not saying that I get special dispensation as I have a baby. I'm talking about a time when most people, baby or not, would be asleep/going to bed. Where does the cut off lie? Would IBU to complain if they were doing it in the small hours? They've only been in there for a few nights and we've had 4 nights of noise and 3 nights of them walking the baby. I'm seriously shocked by the number of people that think that post 10pm is an acceptable time to bang/clatter/hammer assembling furniture. And saying drilling is unacceptable but other equivalent loud noise is okay. The night of the bunk beds it seriously sounded like they just dropped a load of metal poles on the floor at arms length.
I'm not taking about normal moving about their property noises. I'm not saying that I get special dispensation as I have a baby. I'm talking about a time when most people, baby or not, would be asleep/going to bed. Where does the cut off lie? Would IBU to complain if they were doing it in the small hours? They've been in there for a few nights and we've had 4 nights of noise.
@amillionnamechangeslater000 the reason I put that is cos otherwise people would say well maybe they don't know you've got a baby. Instead your response was, so they know they've got a baby but why should they care?

Don't know why some of that posted twice.

It is annoying when neighbours are noisy but to be honest it's also probably annoying when babies cry and throw tantrums. It's just one of those things. It doesn't sound like they're making excessive noise with drilling etc. I'd recommend a white noise machine. My 20mo slept through having our bathroom redone which included drilling large holes through brick, cutting copper pipes, sawing wood etc etc and that was right next to her room. Tbh I don't know how she napped through it but she had a solid 2-3 hours each day! She had her white noise machine on fairly loud.
Don't be those neighbours who cause a fuss, you have to live next door to them for the foreseeable future so just suck it up for a few weeks while they sort their new house out. I'd have a different view if they're throwing house parties but it sounds like they're just getting organised.
Babies sleep patterns are not consistent until they're about 2 so your little one could also have been waking just because it's what they randomly do for a few weeks and then settle again, and repeat.

Op we got new neighbours recently. They too were making noise later than we would have preferred while they got their home sorted. This stopped soon after they’d moved in.
We literally never hear them now.
They never complain about our the noise our kids make.

They’ve just moved on. Give them a break or you’ll sour relations for years to come and you don’t want to go down that route.

The fact of the matter is that you’ll be bothering them too. That’s the nature of close quarters.

OP - your neighbours sound very inconsiderate and you are not being unreasonable.

Tread carefully, be unreasonable now and when your baby has a inconsolable night, or when it becomes a toddler and is noisy at the crack of dawn, has toddler tantrums that can easily go on for an hour they will be knocking and complaining about you. DIY is temporary, children are constant.

I’m really sensitive to noisy neighbours but I think you’re being a bit unreasonable.

They’ve just moved in and they’re sorting stuff out. Yes, it’s later at night but it’s not exactly 3am, is it? Not everyone goes to bed at 10pm.

They aren’t playing thumping music, or having a rave so I think you’re going to have to accept that there will be neighbour noise in terraced/non-detached houses. It will probably settle down as they get their house sorted but YABU to think that a) there should be no noise at all and b) your baby isn’t a problem if you “don’t let him cry for prolonged periods and go to him if he’s distressed”. If you can hear a bunk was being put together, they sure as hell can hear your baby cry for however short a period.

*bed, not was!

@Snagscardies I pictured that last phrase in a "puppy is for life not just for Christmas"-esque poster.

Also - it’s pretty light right now until about 10pm, so no not many people are going to bed then.
You are seriously at risk of making your life long term uncomfortable for what is obviously a short term “problem”.

I feel for you as I've had a noisy adjoining neighbour for several months and polite requests have failed. Well, not 100% failed, neighbour apologised, said they hadn't realised (really!?), offered to be more careful.... hasn't really improved. Very odd as, on paper, the previous neighbour should have been noisier, but while I was aware of their presence due to some sound travelling, it didn't affect my household's ability to enjoy our home, relax or sleep. Right, back to your situation...

I recommend keeping a noise diary. I'd write down the date, start and end time, type and rough volume of noise and (very importantly) what effect it had on your life.
Best case scenario: it reveals that the frequency/impact of bad events is less than it feels, especially if these really are noises related to the early days of moving in.
Medium case scenario: you can choose 3 or 4 of the worst events to mention to your neighbour when you next share your concerns. Don't share all the minor events, if neighbours don't improve for the 3 or 4 major issues, they'll not improve for all the others and a list of 25 issues probably won't go down well.
Worst case scenario: you have a record to share with Environmental Health (or letting agent, or landlord) if you ever go down that route.

When you next speak with your neighbours, consider taking the approach of "we all need to be able to enjoy our homes, when we hear X, it causes problem Y, can you help us fix that? We won't be perfect and the walls are pretty thin, also we enjoy being in the garden in the summer, what can we do to help you enjoy your home?" Write a summary of the conversation (both sides) and store it with your noise diary. Relevant as playing / barbecuing in the garden can be noisy, and windows tend to be open in summer.

OK, these things work if your neighbours are considerate and reasonable. Unfortunately, many aren't.

Good luck.

I would try not to get too stressed at the moment because it is probably just settling in noise. If you become too invested at this stage then it is likely to escalate. Remember that if you make complaints about your neighbours then you need to declare them if you move. You really don't want to spark a neighbour war. If the cot is next to the adjoining wall you might try moving it so there is less impact noise. I am guessing that if there are bunk beds then it could be a family rather than just a couple so do be aware that it could get louder at least at times.

I've moved a few times in my life, before and fter having DC, never dreamed of doing the noisy bits after 9pm. I generally try to think about neighbours when doing noisy stuff. Really surprised at some pp thinking YABU. Even in my 'wild' Uni years, I would still slip a note to my neighbours in advance of having a party. Try to have a chat with them and ask if they can reduce noise after a certain hour, without being antagonistic or apologetic. Good luck.

I think there's a big difference between using power tools and making a bit of noise rearranging a room/putting a bed together late at night. It's quite dramatic of your dh to go and ask them to be quiet after the second time no matter how polite he was.

Also bear in mind your 7month old will soon be a toddler, throwing multiple shit fits a day for the most unreasonable of reasons! You may cringe looking back in a year or twos time.

Do they realise how much noise carries through the wall? If you are doing your best to not let baby cry, partner is quiet when getting up they may not realise how loud it is. If they got a complaint for building bunk beds and are doing lower key stuff now they may not realise they are affecting you. It might be worth a polite chat in the morning. Just say you are trying to reset your babies sleep pattern, you understand they are still settling in but is there anyway they could stop work by x time as it is disturbing you, maybe start with a (fake) apology about if you disturb them as you are aware how much noise carries through the walls.

I also wonder if you notice it more as you haven't had neighbour noise since September? It may become background noise after a while

@TW2013 I wondered about the bunk beds too! They never mentioned any kids when we met them (but then they might not have done) and I've never seen them coming and going with any children. Perhaps non resident children they haven't seen yet?

@gizlots I think the thing with that idea is that you’re starting set a president of constant “you’re too noisy” on both sides and makes for uncomfortable living.

While the bunk bed thing sounds irritating - complaining that they are using their shed which happens to be under your baby’s window is well OTT.

If they are just making general living noises then I don’t think you can say anything - I presumed they were blaring music or something. I would leave for a bit whilst they are moving in, you might find in a few days they have built all their furniture etc and it would be a shame to start on a bad note.

Unfortunately people do live very differently - my neighbour doesn’t go to bed til 12-1am, so he will be working in the garden, cooking etc until 10-11 whereas I am in bed for 9.30 so do things a lot earlier.

@amillionnamechangeslater000 I'm not talking about them "using their shed" I'm talking them doing what sounded like throwing things around in there at midnight.

I understand your annoyance because you have a young baby and sleep is at a premium

It is not acceptable to be making noise, like furniture assembly, really late at night.

Equally they have just moved in and it does take a while to get things organised.

I think you will have to see how it goes

When my dd was this age we lived in a semi detached house and I used to hear my neighbours making their cup of tea every night at ten o'clock while DH and I were in bed and we could hear their TV (they were older and had the TV louder)

I now live in a house that is detached and my neighbour will mow her lawn at 8.30am. This morning I was woken up by a motor bike and I live in a private road with a lot of space between the houses!!!

My point is,wherever you live, you may be bothered by noise- it annoys me too

Think you’ve just got too used to no neighbours tbh it’s a fact of life that you’ll hear your neighbours time to time the fact you didn’t give them leeway as their just moving in makes me feel you abu. Surely as a parent you’ll understand the only time you can get stuff done properly is when the kids are in bed.