Relocating mixed race family

[CovoidanceMechanism]

I live in a city which is very ethnically mixed, we are a mixed race family. My child sees a lot of people with similar skin colour to themselves from a huge variety of backgrounds. Family structures are very diverse.

A family member who lives in a much more white and conservative town needs help because of a serious health problem. I've always liked their area but knew if we lived there my child might be almost the only non white person in their school.

WIBU to move?

Does your/your family's ethnicity influence your perspective?

Wow, it's so sad.to see.how racism still exists to this day. It blows my mind.

How close a relative is this person? What other support do they have? Are they at home or in hospital?

I lived in London for 20years, South East in quite a poor area. There was racism there. Racism within minority groups, not just from white. I since moved to East Midlands. It's so beautiful here, green, spacious. Our quality of life has changed for the better. My kids are mixed race and have no problems settling in. Their previous school, they had bullying problems with other kids actually who were black and ethnic minorities. I think schools now take a hard line on racism. I've not encountered blatant racism but l think very overt once or twice in my new home town (village shop keeper being a little stiff with me). But in London, I have had gangs on teenagers and being outright racist jeering at me in the street.

So those are my experiences. My motto in life is not to be held back. We need to keep moving as l still have hope our children will live a better future than ours.

I'm still intrigued as to where it is? Some tiny little place in Devon, Kent, North Yorkshire, Cumbria?

Only white? 1 black person?

Was saddened to read HanaMuslim aswell, re Surrey :

Must have been some tiny place, south of Godalming ?

"But there was one place in Surrey we were looking at moving. Probably only one black person and one Asian person in the whole town."

We are near a hospital in Surrey. My ds's are at the nearest local school, it's superb.

Very mixed. Loads of mixed race children: African, Malaysian. When we take the children to central London, they bat not an eyelid to any diversity.

Clearly it depends where you live. Anywhere, in the uk, presumably just round the corner is a village with no diversity?

It's not Royston Vasey, you know!

Sorry, just seen Devon / Dorset.
Uhmm ok. I get it.

I grew up on Dartmoor, near to Plymouth. We have a caravan and now go to Dorset 3 times a year.

But yes, there are still small villages in both Devon and Dorset that have no diversity, are all white.

Op...have a read of thandie newtons experience of growing up in Cornwall.

It’s difficulty, I live in a very rural, very white area and my child goes to a school where there are only 2 children of a different ethnic background. As a white person I don’t know how that would feel, but I do know plenty on anti racist people who live here, and it makes you wonder how we’ll ever get diversity if people are too (understandably) concerned to move.

@Saturdaysnotforexercise

As the parent of mixed race children I can say that they have never received racist abuse. America is not Britain. I’m not denying racism still exists here but it is extremely disingenuous for people to assume that the Floyd case has relevance here - no more so than abuse of Fijian Indians in Fiji or Muslims in China.

You must be living under a rock. Have you ever watched the Stephen Lawrence documentary? I’m not sure what you mean by we are not America. Not quite but a lot of things are maybe more hush hush here. I would not say that they are fantastically better.

Having moved to a very "white" area in the countryside from London, I was actually really shocked by the amount of casual racism I experienced. Disclaimer..this was about 15 years ago).. I am white but my dh is mixed race. Our kids don't look typically English. I lasted about 5 years before going back to London. I personally wouldn't do it without thinking very carefully and getting to know your new area very well.

ps this was Norfolk..

Hey OP I understand and it’s such a hard call to make. I have two mixed race boys and we have over they years thought about moving. Race and diversity is always at the forefront of my
Mind when making life choices for my dc and us as a family. So for now we are still in London.
I think some areas although predominantly white are still inclusive (lefty/liberal places) like Brighton for example. Or Folkestone. Places with a strong and inclusive community feel. We often go on holidays in the Peak District and in some of the small villages there we stick out but everyone is so friendly and warm. We love it there and I just adore the friendly nature of people we meet. My dh grow up in the Midlands and went to an all white school (his parents are first generation). He never had an issue. My son had issues in an all white nursery though. We had to move him (in London) and the experience made me promise I’d never have my boys in an all white place again. It’s so hard. Wishing you all the best

@Saturdaysnotforexercise
“As the parent of mixed race children I can say that they have never received racist abuse. America is not Britain. I’m not denying racism still exists here but it is extremely disingenuous for people to assume that the Floyd case has relevance here - no more so than abuse of Fijian Indians in Fiji or Muslims in China.“

Your children are very fortunate. I pray that continues for them. My son encountered his first racially prejudice when he was 2 1/2. My husband experiences casual racism daily at work (city finance). Most non white families would argue that racism/discrimination/unfavourable treatment is part of their lives.

I am mixed race and my brother and I were the only non-fully Caucasian children at primary school. Some racist remarks from the few chavs, but I was very popular children are usually very tolerant, unless they’ve learned behaviour from their parents.

Everyone's experience will be different but I moved from a very multicultural town in the South East, to a 'white' majority town in Wales a few years ago and haven't experienced any racism here.

I am white and live in a very white rural area similar to that you describe.

My experience would tell me that it depends on the area and the age of the children . There are just two non white children in my daughter's year. My daughter is friends with both and has never even mentioned the colour of their skin. They have always been part of her cohort. Clearly this doesn't mean that their experiences have been good and I wouldn't assume to know how they feel. I think because they were young when they all became friends skin colour was irrelevant. I imagine, sadly, older children might find more of an issue.

If you really can't face it is there a larger area you could actually live in that would be near the rural place your relative lives in so that you could offer support? Having said that there are amazing.benefits to living more rurally, there is no reason to assume they will be bullied, it's a stereotype to assume we are all bigots. Is giving it a try an option?

It's horribly sad that you even have to think of this, especially at a time like this for your family.

We are a mixed race family (although dcs look quite white so I know we can't compare experiences). We moved from inner city London to a very white middle class town where we are fairly unique and do get noticed. But we have not experienced any overt racism at all and I'd say my dcs massively benefited from growing up in a friendly safe area. They now have a strong sense of belonging here. (DH did once get approached by a mum in the school playground and asked if he sold weed though )

In fact, for better or worse the dcs' friends and their families here seemed far less conscious of race and ethnicity (and actually less racist) than the dcs I taught in London of the same age. By secondary school I noticed in London that children often started to hang out with others of the same ethnicity or national background and to hold stereotyped and sometimes racist attitudes towards some of the other groups, usually thanks to their parents . In the dcs' school there are a good range of different ethnic identities but everyone is seen as themselves rather than being black, white or whatever.

I do think (hope) people's attitudes are developing and even in the depths of the countryside most people are intelligent enough not to be racist. Good luck with your decision.

We live in small town in Notts, which is basically all white. We've found less racism here than in Nottingham. It's not about your children being the only non-white people in school, but rather how this is approached.

In the city there was a lot more segregation, her everyone just gets on with it, we've had 1 or 2 cases (over 14 years and 3 kids) where school has reported 'racist incidents' and they haven't even really been that (e.g. my year 1 DD and her best friend laughing at each other for looking like white chocolate and dark chocolate respectively)

This was in working-class areas, and mediocre schools, so I assume better areas will be much better for these things.

@Haffdonga - I would consider being asked if I was drug dealer based on my race pretty overt! Its not violence or hate speech but that's pretty bad. Sorry that happened to your DH.

OP - I'm mixed and grew up in very mixed areas and went to uni in a very, very white city, with very, er, vocal people lets say. It was a tough experience for me and I was already an older teenager.

If its within you control, it is really good for children to see people who look like them, and people who look different to them. I'm glad I didn't experience the kind of loneliness I did as a young woman when I was one of the only ones of 'my kind' when I was a child.

Sounds like a tough time for you though. Wishing you the best

Even when you’re a child at a school that’s quite welcoming of an ethnic minority despite being mainly white, it’s still hard knowing you’re different, to always be explaining things or answering questions. Just knowing that you’re different and that it does matter is not easy.

Regardless of the race issue I don't think teens would want to move.
Can you organise a decent care package and go visit as much as possible? It might be easier than uprooting teens.
Other option is to rent your place out & rent in new town.