Do you look after yourself?

[pooeylouie]

I have a two year old and since becoming a mum, have completely stopped looking after myself. I work full time and I can count on two hands the number of times DS has woken after 5am each morning; despite trying everything have concluded he’s just a naturally early riser. By the time DS is in bed I’m so tired I just stuff myself with crap food, as it’s quick and easy and I’m ready to just chill. I’m 5 stone heavier than my lightest weight, 5 years ago and just feel like I’ve completely lost myself. I wish I cared about myself enough to look after myself and for some reason, even the will to do it for my son isn’t enough!! I even put off having showers as it means I have to look at my body, stretch marks and c section pouch! It’s such a sad state of affairs! Do you all look after yourself and how? Do you enjoy it? Why do you do it? Have you always looked after yourselves?

I ended up.in a similar slump op. Terrible pregnancy, traumatic birth, relationship breakdown under horrific circumstances.

I was left a lone parent destitute homeless with a 4 year old. It took a while to bounce back.

DS is about to turn 6, and only now after 2 years am I starting to even take pride and self care importantly. Every day I make sure I do one little thing of self care, even if it's just rubbing some handcream in, I've done it.

Weight wise I go up and down so much, but I want to just eat more healthy and I know the weight will reduce when I do this. I would like to loose about 1.5stone.

It takes time OP, but just start making small self care changes.

Yes absolutely. I’m at a different stage of my life than you OP .... I’m 66, retired and married to a DH who has health issues and needs a lot of support. If I didn’t “look after myself” I’d lose myself and I can’t allow that to happen for my own well being, so keeping myself in shape is my way of keeping myself sane, basically.

I watch every mouthful I eat (I’m a size 8-10), I exercise regularly, look after my skin and hair, wear clothes which some might say are too “young” for me (but I don’t care!). Do I enjoy it? No, not really. It’s hard work and gets harder with every passing year.

Old MN adage, 'you can't pour from an empty jug'. Look after yourself first, and you'll manage everything else more easily.

Promise!

Start small and build on that. So this week could be to shower everyday and eat an additional portion of veg at each day. Then add something else.

I've been doing couch to 5k which takes you from nothing to running for 30 minutes. I hated it to start but now I enjoy the time to myself and I feel clear headed after. I use the NHS app for it.

That early rising is a nightmare. Our eldest has always been a lark.
We relented our long held views about television and bought a set for our bedroom. She was required to come in quietly, sit at the end of the bed in relative silence, watching open university maths until Sesame Street came on at 6am. We dozed on and it made a huge difference as we could nap until 6:30 or 7:00. Heartily recommend it.
It’s probably harder now as they have more access to screens but she wanted Big Bird so badly she’d sit through an hour’s calculus. It didn’t put her off maths - she did A level- but she still says zee when reciting the alphabet. Small harm for two hours sleep.

@BeardyButton oh my word I’ve just googled the lumea- looks like a life changer!! X

You’re little one will sleep longer one day, and when it happens you will feel so much better! It took 3.5 years for us but I finally felt like me again, and I now have the energy to work on myself. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Make small changes one step at a time xx

If I were you I’d concentrate on improving your health ( physical and mental ) and not your nails. Unless that’s the kind of thing that makes you feel good.

You want to be fit and well to see your child grow up. Which is less likely if you are 5 stone overweight ( assuming your “lightest “ was a healthy weight ). Please read the weight loss threads and consider which type of plan might work best for you - there’s plenty to chose from.

And I’d also think about going for some bereavement counselling - you’ve had a lot of loss in your life . I’m sorry about your lost babies . It’s ok to grieve for them even though you now have their brother.

I agree with PP's, it gets much easier as they get older. Plus, you've been through so much over the past few years - your well-being has slide to the bottom of the pile.

As others have said, start with some small changes, just a few relaxing and enjoyable "me" things every week. Going for an evening walk is a great way to have some gentle exercise and avoid overeating - could you put your DS in the buggy after dinner and go for a walk? I always find that I'm less likely to reach for sweets/junk food when I've had some exercise.

For some bigger "me" treats, you could also ask for some hair salon/spa gift cards for your birthday/ Christmas - or perhaps say that you've love to have your nails done with someone as a present (e.g. with a friend or sister). It'll be something to look forward to doing together. Of course, that's for when the pandemic restrictions are over!

Be gentle with yourself, OP.

I take the time to take care of my soul and find that everything else follows easily and isn’t really an effort.

Once you feel well cared for at a fundamental level taking care of nutrition, exercise and any other more physical careAspects you want just follow as it feels like the natural way to behave rather than forcing the external things on a struggling spirit.

Yes I do. I have a 6 month old and a 3 year old. I can't look after them the best I can if I don't look after myself. I also like to think that I'm setting a good example. My husband is also a great help, I would struggle a lot more if it wasn't for him

If my 3 year old wakes before 6 she has to stay in her room and play quietly. After 6 I do up to an hours exercise while my husband sorts out breakfast for the girls and makes sure my eldest gives me space to do my exercise. Once my eldest is in bed I do up to an hours stretching in the evening.

I do meal plans for the week, and where possible I prepare all food the night before so I'm not frantically trying to get it done while looking after the girls. I only buy food that's in the meal plans, I don't buy unhealthy snacks. If it's not in the cupboard I can't eat it.

But to be honest, from what you've written, it sounds as though it's not that you don't know where you're going wrong, you're stuck in a cycle. Do you think you may be depressed?

OP sorry to read this, it's totally normal and very tough. If you're serious about losing weight try low carb. I have a 6 month old and have lost a lot of weight through following low carb. It's helped me get out of the rut I was in because my weight was dictating the way I was feeling (or at least I was allowing it to). There's lots of great support on here for different diets and refined. Good luck x

I don't have young children, it's just myself and OH, but I still find it difficult to do things for myself. He takes up alot of my time, and what I eat up to a point, is influenced by what he eats, although I have over time managed to shift the balance quite a bit. The thing I find hard the most to motivate myself to do is washing/bathing/hair washing. I do it enough to not be too smelly!, but find it an effort and a chore. Mostly it's down to not having the time I think. Other things take priority.

Yes, yes and yes.

I've always done my hair and put a bit of make up on as it makes me feel better. When the kids were little, I'd get up before them to make sure I'd showered and got dressed before they woke up. When they went thriugh the early morning phase, I'd shower and wash my hair the night before so I could do the basics the next morning. I'd always pick my clothes the night before too so we'd be good to go out early the next morning (I still do this for work these days!)

Obviously everyone's different but I saw no reason not to look after myself or keep the house tidy just because I had kids and don't get me wrong, my kids weren't angels!

I used to think, why bother if I'm so fat? Now I think, I'm fat? So what. I still deserve to feel fabulous.

I don't make an effort everyday, there are days spent in loungewear with no makeup at home, and crazy busy days where I only just have time to brush my teeth. That's life with small kids. Bud I also cease opportunities to make myself feel fabulous. I take a bath, put on a face pack, paint my nails, blow dry my hair even if I'm going nowhere, put on perfume or lipgloss or big earrings. It makes me feel better. I don't wear clothes that are uncomfortable, or shoes, I wear clothes I feel comfortable in and which I can be physically active in. I honestly am not much aware of my clothes other than when I get dressed in the morning. I spend as much on pyjamas and loungewear as I do on 'proper' clothes.

I've discovered that I love my body better when I treat it better from the outside. I use eye cream, moisturise, hand cream, I look after my nails and use some hint of tan. It makes me. Not all the time, but when I get moment I do a little bit for myself.

I keep a pair of tweezers in the bathroom and every time I see a stray hair I pluck it. I keep a tub of Vaseline next to my toothbrush and always use some after I've brushed my teeth to prevent chapped lips. I keep hand cream next to the kitchen sink and use it when I finish the dishes. I don't ever spend much time on anything. I just do little and often and I feel so much better for bothering.

I was really depressed in the end by my lack of personal care. I am not trying to lose weight right now, but I am trying to look after myself better. I've given up dieting and am concentrating on my self care and self esteem. After all if I can love myself now, if I can be fabulous at the size I am, then losing the weight would just be a bonus

@MrsJBaptiste don’t get me wrong, the house and DS are pristine, it’s just me that (has the look of) a slob!

Yes, I wouldn't say I'm buffed to perfection but I exercise daily, eat well, keep hydrated and keep myself neat and tidy.

I don't always wear makeup and rarely buy new clothes though. I also have a 3 year old and work.

Do you have an OH who can help you get the time you need to look after you?

Just bear in mind - anything that can be done, can be undone.

I’m too tired. Dieting is an effort and I’m too exhausted. I’m tired enough without feeling even more tired because of low calorie consumption. I drink coffee and eat sugar just to keep me functioning. I certainly don’t have the freedom or the energy to exercise, if I get a short break I just collapse in a heap and try to sleep. I barely even have the chance to look in the mirror never mind do anything about what I see. What does it matter, I can’t go out anyway because I have a child so I don’t need to look nice. It’s a bit like putting lipstick on a pig - childbirth has destroyed my body so I won’t look nice even if I try, it’s a wasted effort.

I struggle with my weight but normally manage to keep my bmi just in the healthy range ( pregnant at the moment hence the name). I always do my hair and put makeup on everyday. Pre lockdown I had my colour done regularly, extensions and lashes. I do it mainly because I'm not very attractive without help and I wouldn't want people, particularly my husband, to see me in my natural state. I want my husband to find me pretty if I'm honest.

@pooeylouie

If your house and family are pristine and your not you are not prioritising yourself. Better a messy house and happy mum. Obviously not living in a pig sty, but there is a happy mid place

Molocosh- could have written that myself. it sucks.
Mango- yes I have a fantastic OH and I get the time, he makes sure of that. I just for some reason... don’t know, never feel I’m worth doing positive things for. Someone earlier mentioned depression and yes I’ve suffered with depression for years and have taken anti Ds daily for years. Maybe I need to up my dose!!

Exercise really helps me. A long walk outside with headphones in does the trick if I'm feeling particularly shitty.

Is there's anything you really enjoy doing? Something that makes you feel like you?

@3LittleMonkeyz yes defo.... good point I don’t prioritise myself at all. Not in a passive aggressive victim way, just genuinely think ima pile of crap on the floor kind of way!

I have 4DC, but after 2nd , Ive not taken care of myself at all.
I do no physical activity, Im lathargic, I dont drink enough water, I go to bed v.late, up early -max 6hrs sleep...
I do eat quite well though-Fruit, veg, home made food, but do like wine and cake!!
I need to change