AIBU or is there a kinder, simpler way - inheritance

[WillSuccession]

Hi,
Have NC for privacy.
My parents have a business and premises, they are in their 70s. Dad recently had a cancer scare.
Me & my sibling are in our 40s. Not close.
Sibling has chequered past, back living at home, works in the business. Is an alcoholic, lost driving licence etc. Mum refuses to see any of it, actually enables their drinking. Sibling has no children, has partner with own home. Partner has dependent children in their twenties. (!)
I left home ASAP, uni, good job, married, divorced, have children, single, independent.
Dad wants business to go to sibling and some cash & small rental property to me. M&D say they know it is unequal but if they don't leave it to sibling, sibling will be homeless and not have a job.
Obviously I don't want this either, but am concerned that sibling becomes very vulnerable when suddenly wealthy property & business owner, and could be married & divorced and business is lost.
Also, I feel it's a bit unfair - I've worked hard, been 'boring' whilst studying & working, whilst sibling has been travelling, lived abroad, partied & generally took an easier path.
AIBU to say to parents I'm struggling to accept this?
Any ideas of a different will / succession plan please?

[Windyatthebeach]

Likely given your description of db the business won't last long and he will have a big fat nowt...
You will be better the off I imagine after not so long..

[Bourbonbiccy]

I can see why you would be frustrated.
I don't consider inheritance to be linked with worth or value of myself or a person nor do I think anyone is entitled to an inheritance,

Ultimately it is their money and if you have made them aware of the pit falls of their decision, and they are still happy to proceed, you just need to come to terms with it or don't. But if you don't it will eat away at your relationship with your family and really it's not worth it over money.

[WillSuccession]

Sibling's mental health is fragile, hence the alcohol.
Extremely extremely difficult to help.
Business is currently v successful, think along the lines of lots of land too - similar to campsite, dog kennels, farm, riding stables, buildings etc.

[Molocosh]

YANBU, it’s disgraceful that you’re being punished for being sensible and hard working. I’d be annoyed enough to cut contact with them all. You’re obviously not valued.

[mummmy2017]

Could you ask your parents to put the house in trust for all future grandchildren.
Do your sibling would never be homeless.
And so even if their life went belly up, the house would be ring fenced and the sibling could claim govenment help.

[randomer]

Its not just the money, its what the money represents.

[saraclara]

Do your parents understand that the business could end up in the hands of the sibling's partner? Or have to be sold if they married and then split up?

Have they discussed this with a professional who could point out any vulnerabilities in the plan?

[TitianaTitsling]

My primary wish is that I am 'valued' as much as my sibling, and that the business that has been my father's lifework is not dissolved or diluted by any means. Am sorry @WillSuccession but do your parents care as much as you do, or are they willfully being blind to the level of cluster fuck your sibling could cause? I'd worry that they as pp say could sell/piss the business away rapidly then you'd be expected to share your inheritance/look after them!

[Marpan]

Oh if it’s that much altogether you will be selling it all To pay the bill anyway.

Tell them to cash up and spend it!

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

The business is only worth what it's making. If your brother fucks up and loses it all, he'll end up with less than you.
At least your inheritance is guaranteed.
I agree with the PP who say it's not your money to decide what happens to it. It's your parents.
Try to be grateful for what you're going to receive. Also, be grateful that you can part ways with your brother with a clear conscience. If you inherited part of the business you'd be financially tied to him for the rest of your life.
My mum and stepdad are leaving everything to their daughters (my half sisters). Me and my full brother won't get anything at all. I love my siblings but can't stand my parents so I think that makes it easier to accept my £0 inheritance 😉

[Windyatthebeach]

Is he getting the business because he is male and you aren't?

[SD1978]

I don't know how I would be with my parents if this situation. They'd rather see you struggle and reward someone who will destroy the business and drink the money away. Your parents sound to be quite unkind to you. I don't think I could continue to be a part of a family that considered so little of me.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

Windyatthebeach

Mr Tickle would be jealous of that reach!!!

Her brother works for the business and OP has said she has no inclination to work in that industry at all.

[copycopypaste]

It is woefully unfair op but I think you know that already. Unfortunately inheritance is a gift and not a given. If your dp aren't going to change their minds all you can do is try to come to terms with it and enjoy what you are given.

[Bunnyfuller]

I’m in a similar situation. You cannot change their minds. Accept it and move on. No, it’s not fair, but some parents enable the needy adult sibling to reassure themselves they’re still needed.

[Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow]

I knew a family wheee this happened. Business left to useless drinking brother who sqandered the lot in five years and moved to Portugal. Sibling was the one who then cares for parents when they had became infirm. The bitterness it caused and the parents hugely regretted it.

The siblings no longer speak.

[Jux]

Leaving it all to sibling like that is the best way to ensure that it is lost to the family forever.

Ideally, the whole lot should be divided equally between you but obviously that's not going to happen.

I suppose you could be sure that you'll have whatever it they leave you and within 5 years, sibling will have nothing anyway.

[CuppaZa]

No advice but your parents are crazy to leave a business to an addict

[AJPTaylor]

That would really upset me because it is just plain unfair. Simple as that and I would feel slighted by that. There are lots of ways to divide up a business.
Is the any chance at all that your parents would take an expert view/estate planner kind of person? May be they just can't see how to make it fair?

[ChateauMargaux]

It sucks... your parents are being blind to the fact that they are treating you unfairly.

Could they split the business and the land with an agreement that the land is held in your name and as long as the business continues to be owned and run by sibling, they can use it rent free?

[SpringSpringTime]

It's symbolic as well as practical, and on both fronts I think you have every reason to be hurt, upset and worried. Not only for your own children, but for your child self (who will be very much in play here), who understands fairness, and that this isn't it. And also for your parents, who are unlikely to achieve what they're hoping for (ensuring your sibling's well-being, protecting the business).

However, the question is also about what you can do about it. If you've made your feelings clear, and your parents have dug in, then there's no point hammering away at it. Look inside yourself - can you maintain the relationship you have with them knowing their decision here?

As pps have pointed out this may not work out in the way your parents have planned. Assuming your P's live to be elderly (and at least one of them probably will), at some point your sibling will have to take over running the business while they're still around. It might unravel then. Or, if your sibling drinks hard for another 20 years (taking your parents to 90, not unreasonable), sibling may not be able to take over as planned (lost DFil to booze aged 58).

Whether you want to be around to watch all that implode - while organising care for whoever needs it - is a big question that might take you a while to think through.

[SpringSpringTime]

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay can you read?

[BigChocFrenzy]

It is very unfair
They are penalising you for NOT being a fuckup

[WillSuccession]

@SpringSpringTime

Thankyou.