AIBU or is there a kinder, simpler way - inheritance

[WillSuccession]

Hi,
Have NC for privacy.
My parents have a business and premises, they are in their 70s. Dad recently had a cancer scare.
Me & my sibling are in our 40s. Not close.
Sibling has chequered past, back living at home, works in the business. Is an alcoholic, lost driving licence etc. Mum refuses to see any of it, actually enables their drinking. Sibling has no children, has partner with own home. Partner has dependent children in their twenties. (!)
I left home ASAP, uni, good job, married, divorced, have children, single, independent.
Dad wants business to go to sibling and some cash & small rental property to me. M&D say they know it is unequal but if they don't leave it to sibling, sibling will be homeless and not have a job.
Obviously I don't want this either, but am concerned that sibling becomes very vulnerable when suddenly wealthy property & business owner, and could be married & divorced and business is lost.
Also, I feel it's a bit unfair - I've worked hard, been 'boring' whilst studying & working, whilst sibling has been travelling, lived abroad, partied & generally took an easier path.
AIBU to say to parents I'm struggling to accept this?
Any ideas of a different will / succession plan please?

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

It's a good living, but not something I'd like to do. I could put a manager in, though

And who would you expect such a manager to be paid by, especially if your sibling refuses and then reverts to crying (as in "well you wanted the manager")?

I agree with the PP who said this is their choice and their mistake to make, just so long that they don't expect you to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart

[Whenwillthisbeover]

I think this is awful, My DB1 has mild learning difficulties, potentially
can live independently but needs help with paperwork/admin and is vulnerable. DB2 and I are financially independent and dont need any inheritance but mum and dad have left everything equally, with DB1s share to be held in trust and be distributed as DB2 and I see fit to ensure he has a warm, comfortable and safe life. He is not well and the oldest so unlikely to live as long as DB2 and I but we will make sure he is OK whilst we are all here.

I think your DP’s choice is hurtful and unacceptable. I would be very angry, not about the money, my DB can have it all, but about their choices.

Make it clear how you feel. If you stay quiet they will assume you are happy with their decision. And you’re not. Neither would I be.

[RandomMess]

Can you persuade them to give each of the grandchildren a small share in the business and land to keep it in the family and ensure siblings share is protected from future marriage, same with their right to live in the house you own?

[Lockeduporknockedup]

It's tough - I understand why you're annoyed at feeling punished for being sensible...however:

1. Not your money, not your business, not your choice. In my opinion, your parents should sell everything and use the money to live a wild life until they can't anymore. You're owed nothing.
   
2. Your father wants the business to stay in the family and you don't want to run it. His legacy is his business and you want to shaft it onto a manager that he doesn't know - I wouldn't want that either.
   
3. I could understand if you had a sentimental reason for wanting these things but you just want the financial aspects. You're not losing anything by your brother having more than you. My dad always said "the only time you should look in your neighbour's bowl is to check that they have enough" and I think that applies here. Your parents are leaving you a lot of money, to be upset that someone is getting more money is shallow.
   

Despite this, I would be concerned about your brother taking on a business that is so important to your father when he doesn't sound reliable - does he have experience with the business? You can put into a will that he must get a prenuptial agreement regarding the business but it's not always enforceable. If your father makes very clear that he doesn't want the business sold or divided then he could make that clear and hopefully a judge would honour it.

[Pugdoglife]

I would be upset too. I think children should inherit equally.

You mentioned a small rental, could they give that to your sibling and the family home to you? Then your sibling would have a home and business but it would be a more equal split?

[Jillyhilly]

Sorry I can’t think of a better plan, but I do think you’re fully entitled to be upset and pissed off. It’s completely daft and divisive. I am impressed by how sensible, reasonable and just plain decent you sound.

[MintyMabel]

I think my approach would be that the business is at risk. If he wants to keep it in the family it needs to be run by someone who can actually do it.

But, at the end of the day, it’s his decision.

[randomer]

This happened to me and I was broken by it. It doesn't matter if one is a multi millionaire and one is homeless....all assets 50/50.

So cruel.

[MintyMabel]

I would be upset too. I think children should inherit equally

I disagree. My father’s business is being passed to my sister in its entirety. He built it from scratch, turned to into a successful business and my sister has worked with him in it for 20 years and is now running it. I won’t see a penny from the business and neither should I. The rest of their estate will be split evenly between the three of us.

[Chloemol]

It’s their choice. However if your brother is as bad as you say is it likely the business will survive under his ownership anyway? Therefore he won’t, possibly get as much as you anyway

I would have another conversation along the grounds of how hurt you are, and how concerned you are the business won’t survive

[RandomMess]

@MintyMabel that appears to be very different your sister is already running the business and worked there for 20 years, the op situation sounds very different in that the business has been keeping the sibling...

[tumpymummy]

Yes, this is very unfair. Having recently been involved in a will after someone died I would say it is really important that you get this sorted fairly now. In our case small sums of money were involved but they were not split equally. I understand why the deceased wrote her will as she did and wasnt surprised when I saw it but when reality hit it felt really unfair and caused bad feeling. It's hard enough when someone you love dies, but it's even harder if the remaining family are not happy with the will. I never thought I would be in the position of feeling unhappy about a will, it is after all the deceased's right to leave their money to who they want. But I surprised myself.

[ChicCroissant]

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP, it is hurtful to get so much less than your sibling.

It is likely to ruin the relationship between you (and your sibling) in the long term as well as the financial difference rippling down to your children and I wonder if your parents have realised that? What do they think will happen to the family business with your sibling that you and your children would not do?

OTOH, sibling does not sound like someone I'd like to be in business with so I'm not sure that splitting the business 50/50 would work either in these circumstances!

Hope you can sort something out, OP.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

Talk to your sibling, they’d probably prefer the rental property and cash so they can laze around. They are not going to want to run a business, unless it is into bankruptcy. If you convince them to swap with you, then you can both go to parents and tell them, thank you for being so generous but me and sibling would prefer each other’s inheritance? Could you update your will?
If the parents don’t update the will, nothing stops you and sibling from swapping anyway.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

If he wants to keep (the business) in the family it needs to be run by someone who can actually do it

You're absolutely right, but that's why I wondered if the DPs have visions of OP keeping things afloat and the sibling expecting to reap the rewards because "they've never really understood these things, poor lamb"

[WillSuccession]

My primary wish is that I am 'valued' as much as my sibling, and that the business that has been my father's lifework is not dissolved or diluted by any means.
I want my sibling to be able to run it.
I also want it to stay in the family for the grandchildren, and not be lost or forced to be sold by a bad marriage / divorce by alcoholic sibling.
Sibling isn't materialistic, doesn't really 'get' money. Although hasn't needed to as M&D have always picked up after them & their bad financial decisions.
An earlier poster made me sound jealous and only about the money, this isn't how it is.

[Babyroobs]

It could be years away before your parents die, assets may need to be sold to pay for care, your sibling could completely change.

[DoctorHildegardLanstrom]

I don't know anything about this area, but a few things would worry me about have a share in either the house or the business. Such as could the sibling take out a loan on either and fuck off and then the bank would come looking for you?

You say you wouldn't run the business, depending on what your sibling is doing in the business, than surely this is unfair to your sibling.

Personally I would suggest that they inherit the business, you get the small rental and you sell the house, but only you know if the house being sold would then be enough to buy them a house outright, if not, the share should be split with that in mind maybe?

The other thing I would be making very very clear to both parents and sibling (if you haven't) is that if they go ahead with this split, you will not be bailing out the business or the house, you have no stake in either and if they do drink it all away, than that is on them and you have tried to make other suggestions (maybe not as harsh)

[ICouldHaveBeenAContender]

This may be harsh, sorry in advance.

You say your DF wants the business to stay in the family; you are concerned your sibling may lose it. How important is that to YOU?

You will get cash and a small rental property. Are you involved with the rental property at the moment, do you know how much effort /time/ money it takes to run it, maintain it, meet the liabilities?

Do you really want to be dependent, either financially or emotionally, on a business run by your sibling, when you are not close, don't trust them to run it well, and appear to have quite different outlooks on life.

By your own admission you sound perfectly capable of making a go of whatever you get from your parents. You just have to get over the feeling of unfairness.

This 'business' may be returning a good living right now, but will that continue after your DF is gone? Would you want it to take you down with it?

[ItsmineAllmine]

Im not sure about this. It's not really for you to suggest how you think your parents should arrange any inheritance.

[ICouldHaveBeenAContender]

You want the business to survive one, or even two, generations, with your sibling running it initially.

Why? What benefit will you get from that (emotional as well as anything else)?

If your sibling doesn't want to run it, or isn't really capable of doing so, then maybe it would be best to be sold as a going concern before it has been run into the ground.

Could you take the cash and the rental property, sell the rental property and buy your sibling out?

[WillSuccession]

Sibling does want to run it.
It's just the general UNFAIRness of it all that I'm working to swallow - almost half a million £ one way, and £200 my way.
I think I'm going mad that D&M even think this is okay, that's all.
Yes it's not my money, yes I'd MUCH rather that Dad spent it all on high living until his death at 101

[Saz12]

Whilst it is unfair, it is their money. I can understand that they look at you and realise you don’t NEED the help in the way your sibling will.

However... you’ve no idea what’s going to happen in the future. Parents in early 70’s likely to slowly hand over control of business over the next 10 years... quite possibly by the time your parents pass away your sibling will be wanting to think about retirement! Might be wiser to hand over bits of the business (5% every few years) rather than leaving it until they demise.

Have they understood inheritance tax etc? Thought about care home fees? Etc

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

I would feel hurt. Yes, it's theirs and up to them, but I would feel slighted and lesser and really hurt.

Also I would be afraid of the consequences for my brother's health as an alcoholic with sudden access to wealth, tbh.

[suggestionsplease1]

The thing is the value of a business could go down or updramatically over a period of time, depending on circumstance (and goodness knows how many businesses will fare during the next couple of years) and how it is run...It could be worth nothing in time or much, much more.

So it's hard to equate value readily. Has your sibling been instrumental in the fortunes of the business?