AIBU or is lockdown with 20 month old hell?

[Anewmum2018]

Bear with me... I just need reassurance.... people with toddlers are finding this hell right? It’s not just me being a crappy mum?
No parks, playgroups, soft play. I LITERALLY am out of my mind with boredom and feel so guilty that I’m not enjoying my kid more! Is this normal?

Her nap is already getting later because she isn't so sleepy. I do have a strict deadline for the end of the nap and also getting up in the morning to keep it from getting worse but I don't think she'd nap any earlier. I think she simply doesn't need as much sleep as we wish she did right now.

I’m with you, I have a 3.5 year old and a 14 month old and the days are just endless! I’m very lucky I got furloughed as DH is still working and if I was too we’d be fucked! I think I’d be ok if it was one or the other, the toddler still naps for a good hour at least, and the 3.5 year old is getting so much better with his communication and will watch telly for a while if I want him too, but both of them together! Between them my house is absolutely trashed, there’s never a break and obviously we can’t do any of the things we used to do. I personally even find walks stressful because my 3yo doesn’t listen so I’m constantly telling him not to touch, to avoid people etc and he just does the opposite! My son loves it though, he practically vibrates with excitement when I say we’re going out of the house. So hard!

You are my people! 19 month old here and I’m at my wits end. I’m used to working 3 days a week and am now furloughed, so it’s a culture shock anyway not being at work.

Normally my non-work days are filled with popping to the shops, toddler classes, coffee at friends’ houses... I miss it all so much!

I found a really strict routine helps. At first we just had the tv on a lot of the time but that made it much worse because of the tantrums when it went off. Now we only have tv just before lunch and just before dinner - no more tantrums because it’s being turned off, because tv off = food!! He got into that routine pretty quickly and it’s made so much difference to his behaviour.

I also force myself to take him out for fresh air in the morning, even if I really can’t be bothered and the weather is rubbish, because then he naps for 2 hours instead of 1!

I have a 22 month old dd and 11 weeks pregnant with #2 and I just feel so bad for her. I've been feeling pretty ropey until this week so we havent been for walks at all, just been stuck at home a the time. We have a garden which in so grateful for but she doesnt nap and she like a hurricane, literally I turn my back and shes in the kitchen cupboard, or taking things out of the recycling bin, or climbing on the table, or cleaning the bath with the toilet brush. I feel like a horrible, shouty mummy atm and it makes me feel so guilty

I feel dreadful guilt, I'm shouting and crying over all sorts of things that I used to be able to take in my stride before. It's like I don't have the mental ability I used to.

I've resorted to TV because there are all sorts of things I need to get done, normally I'd have her in the room with me and keep half an eye on her to make sure she isn't throwing plates on the floor and distract as needed but I can't do it anymore.

I know what you mean about mental ability. Before lockdown I could just about (literally JUST) cope, by breaking the day into different chunks and different activities. But now that we can’t do that very easily, I’ve noticed that all my resolve has gone too- I can’t be bothered to start new games, I can’t be bothered to tell him off for climbing on the table... it’s like I never get to recharge my patience! God bless the kid, I love him, but I find non talkers somewhat dull at the best of times.... this is not the best of times...

I feel like I should share what my mum keeps telling me when I'm getting worked up.

This is all just temporary and everyone is just doing what they need to do to get through the day.

At some point a level of normalcy will return. Even if it's not soft play it'll be going round to peoples houses or cafes or parks etc.

We are not breaking our children. They might need to relearn some social skills but it will happen.

Pressed send too soon.

I'm one of 6 and we're all spaced out in ages so didn't always have playmates. Mum then goes on to say she didn't spend all day playing with us 1 on 1 and would usually be going housework and checking in on us (this was 30-50 years ago) and we've all turned out ok.

Basically they're gonna be fine. We will be fine. And CBeebies and wine exists for the questionable times in between

YANBU. I have a 20 month old, a 6 year old who I'm trying to home-school whilst simultaneously WFH full time. This is without question the most exhausted and miserable I've ever been in my life.

I nearly killed dp the other day when I tried to have a moan about being home with 4 kids all the time and he shut me down because “it’s better than being at work”

Older ones just want to stare at screens all day and argue with it other constantly in between. So wearing.

4 year old no longer has any attention span and wants to watch tv, play on tablet etc rather than actually play. Takes so much motivating to do anything and loses interest within minutes. Has also learnt the art of shouting at siblings.

16 month old has zero attention span and basically runs around trashing the place and putting everything in his mouth. Has no interest in his own toys, just wants the tiny stuff like playmobil or Lego.

The day is basically spent telling everyone to get off tech/stop shouting, tidying up, thinking of new activities every 3 minutes and providing food. So. Bored.

100% agreed. I have a 26 month and a 4 month old. The last 2 months have been some of the hardest of my life.

Eugh yes, 2 year old twins and I’m at my wits end. It’s not so bad when the weather is good but even so I’m so so bored and ran out of enthusiasm weeks ago. I can’t bare to think about months more like this.

I'm also so fed up of catering. I worked out that including the baby's bottles, I'm providing 13 meals a day. I'm either permanently shoveling food into my family, or dealing with it coming out the other end.

Artichoke if I hear the word "snack" one more time I may kill someone.

6 year old DD and 16 month DS with DP who works out of the house for long hours.
DS mastered walking at 9 months so he's already at champion furniture and windowsill climbing stage. I'm supposed to be home schooling DD but failing.
We're in a cluttered 2 bed with only an unsafe front garden which is a steep open hill down to the road. I'm finding every aspect so stressful.

He's also a horrendous sleeper despite sleep training for three weeks. He can now falls asleep independently but still wakes multiple times 😩

@ArtichokeAardvark

Ooof I feel for you. I am sorry you're going through this.

Thank you so much for this post! I have just been crying my eyes out because I feel so sad for my 20 month old.

My partner and I both lost all of our work so we were all at home together with our puppy and the first few weeks were bliss as a family. We had a lovely routine of getting up, bath time, breakfast, big long walk, nap time then lunch time, playing in the garden, TV, dinner and evening walk. Unfortunately I’m now pregnant and can’t do any of those things with him as I have horrible migraines and am sick most of the day. The best I can do is lie with him whilst we watch TV and my OH is having to do everything.

His childminder opened this week but we can’t afford to send him back as we still don’t have any work and I just feel like the worst mother in the world. At least if he could go back there he would be seeing other children.

He was just starting to explore his world and experience new things when this all happened. We have both sets of grandparents minutes away so he would see his family all the time, they’d take him swimming too. Playgroup was a few minutes away too and he loved that! So did I!

I just can’t wait for the pregnancy sickness to end so at least I can give him my full attention again. He seems to know when I’m unwell and gets frustrated and upset.

I’m so sorry that it’s been tough on everyone but it’s so good to know that I’m not alone in thinking that this has been hard, especially with the guilt loaded on!

Xxx

Yanbu. My 20 month old won't sleep until gone 9pm most nights as he's just not been worn out enough. I'm so lucky that we a 6 year old too. I'd be lying if it wasn't a factor in why she hasn't gone back to school this week. They are really bonding during this time so I am thankful for that. He is really trying to talk and baby signing has made a big difference as he can tell us what he wants (also points out so many animals in books, toys and outside). Some baby signing classes are online and I'm surprised that he has actually engaged with them. We do miss seeing friends though! Might be worth a try. I think we're going to see some toddler friends in the next few weeks, I just can't see this as healthy development long term.

This thread has been an absolute tonic, I salute you all. I have no soothing words except to say thank it's not just me. We are cooped up in a flat with no garden, no car to drive to a new place for a walk, plus my 3 year old won't walk more than a few steps before sitting on the pavement refusing to move.

I also worry about the lack of social opportunities for development, especially my 3 year old was like a dream after she had spent the afternoon playing in the park with her best mate. She was so happy and calm, no tantrums and it really brought it home to me how much she needs peers and play and freedom, even at such a tender age.

I feel very angry actually at how the needs of small children and their families seem bottom of the governments priority list, and worry how we'll cope with lack of playgroups to go to, these have been such a lifesaver for my MH.

19 month old here. It's really hard. Trying to juggle working, cooking, cleaning, showering and looking after a toddler is mega. I love it and hate it. I'm a lone parent and feel slightly overwhelmed at times. Thinking of you OP.

YANBU. 4 yr old and 2 yr old here. We are all so bored, especially the 4 year old. He was quite happy to be at home for the first few weeks but he is desperately needing some friends to play with now. We are in scotland though so we don’t even have a possible date for nursery reopening or anything.

YANBU. 19 month old, dropping his nap so it’s a long day and I’m 6 months pregnant and was just getting by on my own afternoon nap.

He’s a non talker but knows exactly what he wants and gets VERY frustrated if you can’t work it out in half a second. Oh and of course he now hates being in his pram so walks are a mixture of refusing or being bribed with apple all the way round. Thank goodness we live near the sea as a run around in the sand has become a blessing.

DH is working from home and the second the clock hits 16:30 I’m asking if he’s done yet!

@UserFriendly14

I am in the same position as you with pregnancy and toddler and husband who starts getting harassed about 4:45 on his working days
My eldest is still napping though so I just wanted to give you a huge big dollop of sympathy and respect for getting through the days

@RLOU30 I was made redundant 5 days before lockdown started so solidarity! My DS is 19 months and it's the hardest thing I've ever done being a SAHM to a very mobile toddler who I can't yet have a conversation with. No mum friends, NT, parks, help from grandparents, 2 days at nursery. All gone overnight!