Pissed off at boss for sharing my pregnancy news?

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Long story short I had to tell my director I was pregnant as soon as I found out at 4 weeks. We are in a office, not social distancing. I was to finish that week and furloughed for my own safety and my colleague returned as I went.

I work 11 other people (pre-covid), it’s a small office.

Aside from my director and the only 2 other members of staff who are not furloughed (they would think it’s just bizzare for me to suddenly go on furlough and would suspect straight away), I have not told a sole at work.

Yet, that day (Monday - I wasn’t going on furlough until the Friday) during my directors weekly ‘catch up’ with the furloughed lot she told 3 of my colleagues, who wouldn’t have known I was on furlough anyway as they aren’t there either, so just telling for the sake of gossip I suppose. Queue the messages of congratulations.. great I’m 4 weeks pregnant and the cats out the bag already...

I’m sorry if I haven’t explained very well but I’ve just had a FB message from another work colleague ‘a little birdy tells me you’ve got some amazing news?!’ - it’s just kinda pushed me over the edge. I dunno if she heard it from one of the others or she’s back in the office.. no idea. I haven’t replied yes as I’m just pissed off.

Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones.. maybe I got out of bed on the wrong side... but I really felt like it was my news to tell. It’s also my first baby.

Some of my colleagues knew I had been trying for a while, so wouldn’t necessarily have been surprised, I would have just wanted to have told them personally. Not through gossip...

AIBU to be annoyed about people sharing my good, highly personal news? I have an 8 week scan on Saturday so was going to start telling work people then.. but I just can’t be fucking bothered, the others probably already know! 😕

I think you need to follow @DoesJeffKnow advice here.

If you want to talk to her yourself then go for it, but I would speak with HR. Pregnancy is a medical condition; it's part of your medical information. It's a nice fluffy piece of info, but it is still private medical information and god forbid, if something bad happens you will then have to face all your colleagues and tell them. That's why we dont reveal pregnancies and your boss had no right at all to put you into this position.

Ah, it’s annoying isn’t it? I got outed at work during a meeting by a colleague who basically announced that she had heard on the grapevine that someone was pregnant and had asked EVERYONE who it could be but couldn’t find out, so who is it??? My boss knew and obviously couldn’t think of anything to say to her, so I told everyone it was me to curtail the enormous, expanding silence! I really hadn’t wanted everyone to know at 7 weeks, I had told HR department and boss because it was relevant to them.

Although it’s very frustrating to have the news broken other than by your choice, in the long run it’s not going to make any difference. Have a massive rant to your partner, put on some angry music. But then unfortunately it’s probably for the best if you just get over it. You’ll still have a working relationship with these people and over-reacting in a professional environment won’t look good!

@Vodkacranberryplease it was not me refusing to come to work... I was asked if it was ok to furlough me and swap me out for another colleague ...

This happened to me, NHS worker and I had to tell my line manager straight away as I worked in an area with radiation. A few weeks later I got a text from a friend who didn’t work there to say she was upset I hadn’t shared my news with her and she had heard from her cousin who worked with me. I had to reply and tell her it was no ones business and I had actually miscarries the day before she messaged.

It’s just one of those annoying things.
I’ve been at the company years are we are all good friends - I’m not going to a tribunal or anything... I just need to let it go as many have said.
I guess what annoyed me the most is if anything were to happen, I would have to return to work, not pregnant and have to explain why to a roomful of people who could have been blissfully unaware.
touch wood everything is ok though

YANBU to be annoyed, but how I would handle it would depend on how well things were managed generally and what kind of team it was, etc. If it was a genuinely well meant 'mistake' by a boss who is otherwise accommodating, supportive, etc. and had a good relationship with my colleagues then I would mention it as having rather not been said but not be particularly interested in taking it further. If there are other issues with management and this is the latest in a line of problems then I might approach it differently.

You would be entitled to take it further, but for me it would be a case whether it was worth my while or worth potentially damaging my relationship with my boss and possibly colleagues too if otherwise it was a job I enjoyed and the management was otherwise decent.By the sounds of things, you have a close relationship with colleagues if they know you've been trying for a baby, so perhaps lines have been blurred a little (not to say they should have been, but this sometimes happens in small workplaces where everyone becomes 'friends' IME).

@Nofunkingworriesmate where did I say the OP should take her boss to an employment tribunal?

The OP is going to the first or one of a few who points out to her boss that her management skills are lacking, before someone really gets pissed off with the boss and takes her to one.

BTW in the last small company I worked for I didn't know someone in the office was pregnant until she was nearly 6 months. All the directors kept their mouths firmly shut and I was working closely with 3 of them.

I would take formal steps if this happened to me. It's totally unprofessional and breeches his duty of responsibility. You should definitely formalise a complaint. How dare he?

@CakeandBake

I would take formal steps if this happened to me. It's totally unprofessional and breeches his duty of responsibility. You should definitely formalise a complaint. How dare he?

You must be a sodding nightmare to work with.

If you told 3 people yourself, how do you know that they didn't tell the others?

@Dontstepinthecowpat
I'm so sorry you went through that.

Exactly the same happened to me. I told my boss about my pregnancy early due to covid - I'm an NHS worker and was going to be working not matter what but I wanted him to know as there was talk about redeploying some of my team and I didn't want to be moved to a high risk area ( more a risk of aggressive patients and not risk of covid).

He told the senior staff in my team and one of them walked into the office and shouted congratulations .... In front of a very busy office. I misscarried a few days later.

I complained and did get a formal appology but it was awful.
I am pregnant again and I will not be telling anyone until after my 12 week scan.

I work in a small firm and I think all I would do is point out I hadn't yet wanted people to know.

Did you make that clear at the time? I mean did you say I do not want this shared but.....or did you say I'm pregnant can I be furloughed? The later would then mean a lot of questions for the boss. Presumably at the start of all this someone else was furloughed and you were not. Now they have to explain why that has changed. People ask questions, people chat. Two others also knew etc.

I wouldn't have wanted anyone knowing at four weeks that's for sure. But if I had told a manager I would have made it absolutely clear nobody was to know and would have discussed what exactly people would be told. Personal reasons, etc.

@Dougalthesyrianhamster with the exception of the one who message me today. I know that the other 3 my boss told on the phone the day I told her as they mentioned it in their message to me.

To be clear, I told my boss for convenience. So she had plenty of time to plan for me going on maternity leave.
When she called me into my office a couple of hours later, the last thing I was expecting to was to be furloughed and I was actually a bit taken back and upset. She could have just got me to work from home so I also need to obviously be very grateful she is taking my best interest into consideration.

Either way I can’t change what’s already happened.

I just wanted to know whether it was my hormones making me annoyed and that I was over-reacting about it or whether other people would feel the same.

YANBU, that is completely inappropriate. I would be kicking off about this.

That's very different to the OP.

There you say I HAD to tell my boss and I had to finish for my own safety.

Now you say it was for convenience.

Either way I wouldn't have told them unless there was a reason I HAD to be at home and if I had told them I would have made it clear what my expectations were regarding the news being shared.

Professional and personal boundaries are often blurred in small places.

OP - whatever you do, do not follow Cake's advice,
Listen to Vodka and Crazy.
No point whipping up a storm over something which may be upsetting and inappropriate but without malicious intent.

If one persons absence means others peoples lives become a misery then being vague about 'medical reasons' or offering no explanation at all probably not enough to stop others being upset.

None of that changes the law though. The OP's employer is subject to data protection requirements. One of those requirements is that their employees' private medical information has to be kept confidential unless there is a compelling reason - allowable under the law - for disclosure.

It doesn't matter what the medical reasons are. No employer is entitled to tell other staff why one individual is absent if that matter is connected to their health, unless the employee has specifically given permission for them to do so.

I guess I told her for both reasons.. safety and convenience. No one seemed to give a toss about covid in our office and well into lockdown we were all in the office, sat about 50cm away from each other.
Regardless, being furloughed was the last thing I expected.

Data protection breach and poor HR practice, at best. Does your organisation have an HR lead and/or data protection officer?

Also potential sex discrimination!

Regardless, being furloughed was the last thing I expected.
Surely it was exactly what you wanted?! Your story is changing with every telling...

If you made it clear to your boss that you didn't want anyone else to know until you had your scan and you were only telling her and colleagues X and Y I can understand your upset and I would tell her how angry and disappointed you are in her for telling people information you had told her was private.

If you assumed she would keep it quiet and/or she maybe found out X and Y knew and thought it was now common knowledge then I'd leave it.

So basically of the 11 people I work with, 7 of them already know.. and I’ve only told 3 of those people myself

Although it's very early and if you asked those you told to keep it quiet they should have at this stage, when you are ready to start telling people dont be surprised the happy news spreads quickly. This is normal and ok, people will be just as happy for you even if you didnt tell them yourself.

@thisismytimetoshine
Where did I say I wanted to be furloughed?

Long story short I had to tell my director I was pregnant as soon as I found out at 4 weeks. We are in a office, not social distancing. I was to finish that week and furloughed for my own safety and my colleague returned as I went.
What else did you mean by this?