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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else NOT home schooled their children?

151 replies

VelveteenBunni · 04/06/2020 09:28

Don't get me wrong, I tried in the first couple of weeks. But with three kids and one with SN it's really difficult. I don't feel I have the capacity to educate and surely the most important thing is they are healthy and safe?

OP posts:
puffinandkoala · 04/06/2020 11:56

You are going to get a lot of nasty posts from the perfect parents though

This. My son is older, but if he were younger I would read with him once a day and park him in front of BBC Bitesize the rest of the time. Might have done PE with Joe each day too.

As I said on another thread today, most parents are still having to work, many outside the home, but even those WFH and with the requisite knowledge can't drop everything to give their child a physics lesson.

We train and pay teachers for very good reasons. Not because it's easy for parents to do the job instead.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 04/06/2020 11:59

@Playdonut yes the OP sounds like she's under pressure which is why I said to take a break if needed. Not doing anything for months on end isn't going to help anyone is it? And I'm not scaremongering saying they might not be back full time until November. I'm saying if they don't go back until November (which has been hinted at) then those months of absolutely no work is going to hold DC back even further. And of course the teachers will get it in the neck when the gap between those who have been doing work and those who've done zero work widens

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 04/06/2020 12:10

I've tried & tried with my 5yo DD who has Autism. She's in Reception.

Her teacher sent home a work pack and we've finished all but half a page (and one text book I bought, although that was age 3+!! - I let the teacher check it out beforehand and she said the 5+ one was more geared towards the year 1) but honestly, it's been HARD. She has a tendency to go silly and lose all focus completely. Curls up in a ball. Once she starts that, there's nothing I personally can do to refocus her, I have to try again in a while. God knows what her teacher does or if perhaps DD doesn't behave the same at school 🤷🏼‍♀️ Who knows. Apparently she does well, work wise.

I think some people on this thread are forgetting that not everyone has those traits which enable us to help keep a child focused. Especially when it's your own and they're in 'home mode' and you as a parent (may) feel under pressure to 'keep up'. For me it lead to absolute frustration and a general dread of learning time or whatever you want to call it (I tried lots of variations of names for what was essentially 'turn the telly off & get your arse to the kitchen table with a pencil!')

CampDragon · 04/06/2020 12:18

We're doing nothing here. She is 9 and has severe school-based anxiety. Under assessment for autism. School is school and home is home. Teachers are teachers and parents are parents. She can't cope with doing school at home, or mum being 'teacher'. To be honest mum (me) can't cope with it either. I'm autistic, working full time from home plus extra hours and not coping super well with that on account of all the rules and regulations surrounding work suddenly changing and being massively unclear. I'm barely keeping up with work and once you add housework it feels almost impossible. DD doesn't sleep: she's physically unable to sleep until 11pm earliest and is still up before 8am. She can't take any medication to help her sleep. I need to be asleep before she does (but can't be, obviously) and get up at 6am to try and do household chores and manage my workload. I'm exhausted. What little actual time I have to spend with DD is too precious to waste having a massive argument about formal schoolwork and coping with her anxiety and subsequent meltdown. DH is next to useless; not really his fault though as he has severe mental health issues exacerbated by lockdown.

The guilt is huge. I can only hope she will be OK education-wise. Fortunately she was hitting the 'greater depth' targets or whatever they're called in all possible subjects before school ended and so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she's academically bright enough - in school and with teacher input - to catch up.

On the bright side, she's calmer, sleeping better (when she FINALLY does sleep!), suddenly dry at night for the first time ever, happy to have me nearby even if I can't give her attention. I suspect all of that would evaporate if I turned our precious weekends into a worksheet-based battle ground, out of fear of being judged by all of the perfect parents on here. So I will keep on feeling guilty, and keep on basically ignoring formal education. Both her class teacher and HT know this, by the way, and are fine with it. We've having a global pandemic FFS. Survival and mental health have got to be everyone's first priority, and if formal education isn't possible after taking those priorities into account then so be it.

zoemum2006 · 04/06/2020 12:19

You cut your cloth to fit your means. You adapt to your circumstances.

It's not unreasonable to not do every single piece of work set by the school but it is unreasonable to do nothing.

Half an hour per child per day makes a massive difference.

silverstrawberry · 04/06/2020 12:25

Try using key stage online quizzes with them my kids love doing these it's a good way to get them into the swing of learning again

minisoksmakehardwork · 04/06/2020 12:34

I am trying even though it isn't always the easiest thing (4 dc, 2 with SEN). I do understand your dilemma but home learning doesn't have to be the same as school learning, sitting at a desk with teacher at the front and an interactive whiteboard to utilise.

As long as your child has opportunities to read, write, do some numbers or even take up a new hobby or learn about something they are interested in, you are educating them. You might not think it's not schooling, but it is still learning.

Frazzledmrs · 04/06/2020 12:36

Some people are just nasty and often teachers gleeful that somehow this situation means they get to make snide "see how you like it now" comments. I'd like to see a teacher negotiate with 30 adults to be honest and run some reports on SQL all while trying to convince a 7 year old and 5 year old that the crappy worksheet Mrs so and so has sent is worth their interest.

We've done some school work but the format of sending lacklustre worksheets and scrappy resources that might work well in a classroom but really don't work at home is wearing thin. There's no marking, no feedback, no contact, no adapting, it's poor. What worked well for a few weeks doesn't work well for 6 months. I don't think any teacher has any clue what it's like to work all day at a job that's not teaching and then have to teach multiple age ranges of your own children using resources that someone else has sent.

Children have the right to an education, but this isn't a right that the parents have to provide, it's the state and never have children been denyed schooling to this extent.

I have two choices, either keep trying with the work the teachers send that my children who are bright and academically able find dull or find some way to be educated enough about these things to find alternative resources. I've tried all the above and it's driven me a bit mad. Of course I can try my own version of making shit up but God knows if that would help or hinder then come the next academic year, whenever that starts.

I think we need to get away from what we have now that posting worksheets on a portal is providing an education, because it isn't and as parents we shouldn't be shouldering the fallout and bearing that responsibility, neither should our children.

Our responsibility is to raise our children, look after their health and wellbeing, look after our health and wellbeing, do our jobs, pay our bills and engage in education as much as we can, but it's a two way street.

MintyMabel · 04/06/2020 12:43

either keep trying with the work the teachers send that my children who are bright and academically able find dull

That’s our problem. Our girl finished her maths booklet in 20 minutes. I asked her next day what maths she had, turns out the booklet was for a week.

If you want something else for them to do, have you tried setting them up on Duolingo? Takes seconds but might keep them entertained for a bit.

zoemum2006 · 04/06/2020 12:51

@Frazzledmrs

Have a look at websites like Twinkl. They have some really fun 'detective hunts' where you have to solve maths clues to solve the mystery (lots of code cracking etc.).

Mrskeats · 04/06/2020 12:52

A class of 30 is never the same level-especially in primary. We don't divide by ability into separate classes.

SomewhereEast · 04/06/2020 12:56

We're managing a fairly decent 'homeschooling' routine (every weekday morning) but I'm an SAHP so can focus properly. Also the older of my two DC is naturally quite academic & compliant which frees me up to focus on the youngest. But we're definitely very much in the minority of people we know. I wish we could stop pretending that the UK's children are still being "schooled" in any meaningful way. Lets be honest about the choices we're making as a society, and may well continue to make in September.

majesticallyawkward · 04/06/2020 13:01

I'm trying, although less so now as I'm so sick of it all. My 5yo has been a nightmare since schools closed, her behaviour is getting worse by the day and any attempt to do school work- read, write, do a worksheet, watch the oak academy videos etc end in her screaming and attacking me or the baby. On Monday I suggested we do some writing practise and she screamed and cried for an hour. When I'm also trying to look after a 6 month old it's just not doable.

There's only so much of that anyone can take. I'm pretty sure she's forgotten things she used to know but it's not for lack of trying. I know at least 2 other families in similar situations. They'll catch up as long as they go back next year.

myself2020 · 04/06/2020 13:14

It really depends. my oldest has SENDS, so not doing work is not an option.
If you have a child that is miles ahead, its a different story.
From the looks of it, school won’t be back to normal before november or so - up to 8 months of doing not much is going to be catastrophic for many kids

ProsperTheBear · 04/06/2020 13:18

How old are they?

You are educated enough to write on MN, so it's a bit of a cop out to say you don't have the capacity to educate.

So many resources are available to do the minimum and at the very least keep the kids entertained and on track.

You should join homeschooling groups - the real home schooling parents who have made a conscious decision about it. You will find a lot of inspiration and help to educate your children and ways out of the strict curriculum.

When the schools are back to normal, it will be interesting between the kids whose parents refuse to do anything, the ones who had private tutoring and are ahead of what they should be by miles, and all the ones in between!

Looking down at posters who are working hard to keep schooling their children and sarcastically calling them "the perfect parents" is more than childish. It was funny the first time, it might be time to find something better? It just makes you sound guilty and miffed that others are making the effort your are not.

Frazzledmrs · 04/06/2020 13:19

@zoemum2006 thanks I've got premium twinkl, it's got great resources on there but am I repeating stuff they know and ignoring stuff they should be doing. They have everything for dot to dots to advanced stuff where to start. The other issue I have is that maths they do no problem, they'll always do stuff they like but it's engaging them in things they don't enjoy as much, like reading comprehension and poetry. It takes too much energy. Think I'll stick to my day job.

funinthesun19 · 04/06/2020 13:20

I’ve been on and off really. It’s SO hard. When the kids are at school I don’t have any problems with reading and spellings in the evening and maybe a little work sheet too. Project work is hard but we manage it.

But for some reason, everything whilst homeschooling is hard. I’ve totally lost my way.

RoomOnOurBroom · 04/06/2020 13:21

I hear you majesticallyawkward.

Also...

I think we need to get away from what we have now that posting worksheets on a portal is providing an education, because it isn't.

^^ This.

audweb · 04/06/2020 13:24

I do somethings. She’s seven. We read books, bought science kits, do some arts and crafts etc. But I’m a single parent working from home full time so I can only do so much. She also doesn’t like me trying to get her to do stuff so what would take half an hour takes like two three times that and involves anger tears and drama, and even longer out my work day, and misery for her. She loves school, and she likes working at school. She’ll catch up. The school have reassured us that they will. Mental well-being is more important. Don’t beat yourself up. We are all doing the best we can in our individual circumstances.

Frazzledmrs · 04/06/2020 13:24

@ProsperTheBear but what is the track? Genuinely I don't know. We're talking about getting the kids through 4 months of school, surely they're supposed to be doing something at the end of that they couldn't do at the start? What is that? There's definitely such a thing as uneffective teaching and learning, it's a waste of time, isn't it?

As for homeschoolers, the ones I know admit this is nothing like homeschooling. A lot of homeschooling is going places, having support, meeting up with other kids, having time and energy to know the curriculum. It's usually a planned event that you have a choice for. This isn't.

RoomOnOurBroom · 04/06/2020 13:26

You can have all the resources available in the world (and let's face it you need time and headspace too) but if they don't, or you can't, engage your kids to learn, then what?

Please tell me what this secret ingredient is? I hear teachers are good but not currently available.

funinthesun19 · 04/06/2020 13:26

Also I’m sick to death of everything being online. Online this, online that. Print this, print that.
My next door neighbours have work packs delivered each week by their school. If it was like that then I would find homeschooling much easier. That’s why I usually have no problems with homework when they’re at school because it’s physically in front of me.

HairyToity · 04/06/2020 13:29

We've had inset days and didn't bother over half term and easter. I try to do an hour each day though. It's tough. Happiness is most important. Also some children are more willing and easier to teach than others.

Underhisi · 04/06/2020 13:30

"It just makes you sound guilty and miffed that others are making the effort your are not."

Other people will having to make an effort about things that you are not having to make an effort about.

ProsperTheBear · 04/06/2020 13:31

but what is the track? Genuinely I don't know.
that should have been given to you at the beginning or during the school year by the school! Haven't you be provided by the year-group expectation for your child and what level they are supposed to at least reach, or better exceed?
You should be able to contact the school about it, how do you keep up with the work during the year if they haven't given you the basic info about what is expected?