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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to buy ANOTHER bike

42 replies

ChaChaChinggg2819 · 03/06/2020 00:10

I don't know if im being unreasonable or not as I'm cross about the latest bike and think it may be swaying my view,

DP's bike got stolen today. It is worth over £400 and was a gift from my dad. He left it outside a shop when he finished work and when he came back out it was gone. ( Don't ask me why he didnt have it on the lock.... there was a security guard nearby and he assumed the security guard would watch it )

The bike he had prior to this one he paid £200 for it and it got ran over at work ( left it in a stupid place and one of the trucks reversed over it ) And the bike he had prior to that he wasn't watching where he was going and rode into a car bending his frame

He now wants to buy a bike for £400 off his friend. I don't know if im being unreasonable or not but I'm furious that he even wants to waste that sort of money considering the amount of bikes hes had and can't keep hold of! It's just rude isnt it, i got gifted a £400 bike, essentially lost it because he couldnt ve arsed locking it up and now he just wants to go out and buy a SECOND HAND £400 bike???? Is he being serious???

I've been in lockdown with a 3 and 5 year old for 10 weeks now so I know I could possible be getting more angry than i need to about this but I just feel like he hasn't looked after his bikes and doeant give a shit that hes lost the one my dad got him and just wants to go and get another expensive replacement

Surely with his bad luck he needs to just buy a cheap second hand £50/£60 bike but no he is adamant he wants to keep spending £100's or being gifted expensive bikes yet he hasn't had a bike for evem a year! He has had 3 bikes within a year and now hes in about a 4th! A cheap one wont do apparently as it won't last

YABU - he needs the bike for his 20 minute walk to work

YANBU - Hes being ridiculous expecting a 4th exoensive bike in less than a year

OP posts:

Original poster

ChaChaChinggg2819 · 03/06/2020 00:11

i got gifted a £400 bike, essentially lost it

That should be he got gifted, not I

OP posts:

Blackbear19 · 03/06/2020 00:19

He needs to be more careful and probably take out insurance if he buys another bike. The real question is can he / you afford it? Why buy 2nd hand if he could buy new and get a discount via cycle to work scheme.

Bike has to be better than walking or getting the bus.

Original poster

ChaChaChinggg2819 · 03/06/2020 00:27

No not outright, he wants to pay his friend weekly for it which again i think is ridiculous considering he might not even have it in a few weeks

In just annoyed that hes always so breezy about it. If this was our children id not be buying them another bike especially if they lost an expensive bike due to their own carelessness

I have never heard of the cycle scheme and just had a quick read. Does it cost his employer anything to sign up for it? It says he would need a code from his employer but I doubt they are part of the scheme

OP posts:

Blackbear19 · 03/06/2020 00:36

I'm not sure but I doubt it costs anything, its been around for a while all part of the Government Green policy to encourage green transport.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/06/2020 02:53

He needs to be far more careful with his bikes before he gets another one, is he 12? If his work is 20 minutes walk away, then he can just walk for the time being.

But he can spend whatever he likes on a bike providing that it comes out of his share of the personal spending money, ie what's left after all family expenses have been covered and if he doesn't have enough then he'll have to get saving won't he?

And as for whether £400 is worth it for a second hand bike, who knows? Some are worth thousands, others maybe not, depends on the type of bike.

But he sounds like a teenager, constantly 'losing' things in the hope that mummy will replace them with the cool version that all his mates have.

Rosemary7391 · 03/06/2020 07:12

A cheap bike might not last. One that isn't looked after certainly won't!

GinDaddyRedux · 03/06/2020 07:14

YANBU in the slightest. Your DH should buy a £80 refurbed commuter bike, and a LOCK!

Leaving any bike unlocked in a commercial area is just a "please take me" - but a nice one? It's "I don't want this anymore"

Yes morally it's wrong, but ....that's the world we live in.

If he went out and bought another £400 bike but kept the same behaviour, he might as well take those notes and burn them on the barbeque.

If he wants a nice bike for leisure cycling, he should wait until you're in a good place to both agree that spend, then buy one and a serious lock - or store it in the back of the car if he's travelling to a destination to cycle around

Then in the meantime buy that £80 beater bike just to get around on, and a decent lock. Unless he leaves it overnight somewhere, there are very few thieves who'll go to the effort of trying to take that in broad daylight.

GinDaddyRedux · 03/06/2020 07:17

@Rosemary7391

I bought a refurbished bike for £80 hence my use of it as an example on the thread. Raleigh, nothing special to look at, chipped paint on the frame, but crucially it had proper brakes, tyres were sound, had been serviced and looked after by my local bike shop before sold.

Could have got something for £30 less which would have then fallen into your category of "not looked after" and therefore quite rightly not safe.

But there are loads of shops out there or private individuals on Gumtree, Facebook etc who sell refurbished bikes for less than £100.

They're great, they tend to be good steel frames that have had the right components refreshed, and you can bash it about everywhere without worrying about someone taking it (as long as its locked and not left overnight!) or the beautiful paint scratching

Lucywilde · 03/06/2020 07:21

It’s a no from me. He’s not taking care of them at all. And he’s meant to be an adult. If my kid kept breaking their iPad through stupidity, I wouldn’t replace. I definitely wouldn’t keep replacing bikes that a grown man couldn’t be bothered to look after. Is he normally so careless with things?

TeaAndHobnob · 03/06/2020 07:24

£400 isn't expensive for a second hand bike tbh, not a decent one.

BUT it is a waste of money - your family's and your dad's to be so careless.

He should definitely buy a cheap bike this time, maybe it will teach him to be more appreciative.

Lonecatwithkitten · 03/06/2020 07:27

I agree with @TeaAndHobnob £400 is not expensive for a bike and in the scheme he could end up spend a lot more money as there are a lot of high end bikes available - brompton folding commuter bike basic model £1,200.

Takingontheworld · 03/06/2020 07:28

Your dad must be furious.

Does your dh think you just have endless money to keep replacing everything he loses!?

MumW · 03/06/2020 07:31

It's a definite no way from me.

Tell him to find a cheap bike. If he can keep it for at least a year and proves he's learnt how to look after it like a responsible adult then you'll consider him spending that amount on a good quality bike.

AmIAWeed · 03/06/2020 07:32

The cycle to work scheme short term costs an employer.
They buy the bike, then deduct the payment before tax from the person's salary. If this reduces their pay to less than minimum wage they aren't eligible for the scheme.
It's also limited to shops that accept the scheme so not always the cheapest option.

Personally I'd insist on a cheap bike and if he has it in 12 months can upgrade, although that probably works better on a child than a grown man!

EnglishRain · 03/06/2020 07:33

I would feel exactly the same as you OP. He can walk everywhere until he learns to look after things! He doesn't need a bike that will last when he can't keep hold of one for long. As a compromise maybe let him get a cheap £60 one and if he can keep hold of it for a year consider whether he has learnt to take care of things enough to get an upgrade

TinySleepThief · 03/06/2020 07:41

£400 is a huge amount of money for a bike he only uses for a 10 minute ride to work and back!

If he gets the £400 bike from his mate he wil have had the equivalent of almost £1000 pounds worth of bikes in 1 year! That's an insane amount of money and given his total disregard to keeping them safe and assuming they can just be replaced on a whim if he were my DH, he would be walking to work!

Sloth66 · 03/06/2020 08:37

He sounds careless and irresponsible in leaving the bike unlocked and assuming a random security guard would take responsibility. Bike theft may have increased due to the current situation.

Is he like this in other areas? It would annoy me..

Brefugee · 03/06/2020 08:42

I'd say he can buy a refurbished one for about 80 quid, and if he still has it in a year, and has saved enough, he could get a new one (assuming joint finances) He should also fork out a decent amount for a bloody good lock.

If it's coming out of his own money and not leaving the family short, sure, why not? But I'd be pointing out what an absolute knob he is about bikes.

PrimeroseHillAnnie · 03/06/2020 08:47

If he’s paying for it then it’s his choice, surely !. Suggest he puts on house insurance, buys a lock and tries using a little common sense in future.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/06/2020 09:05

No house insurance policy in the world is going to pay out for a bike left unlocked outside a shop, and probably not if run over in a workplace because the owner left it in a stupid place.

Rubyupbeat · 03/06/2020 09:17

You are acting like his mum. Why would it be up to you if he wants to buy another bike (400.00 secondhand isnt much if it's a decent bike)
If it were a man dictating if his wife were allowed to buy an item, he would get shouted down, and rightly so.
He should pay out for a decent lock though.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/06/2020 09:21

Whether or not it's for the the OP to concern herself about her DHs bike buying activities would depend on how he is paying for them.

If he pays for them out of family money, which I suspect that he does, she does get a say. Does she get hundreds of pounds to spend on personal items to treat carelessly and replace on a whim?

If he's buying the bikes out of his own money after all family expenses have been covered, let him crack on. After all, it's no more a waste of money than it would be if he was using it to buy cigarettes.

Elieza · 03/06/2020 09:47

There are lots of bike cooperatives that sell regular bikes from £40 upwards. Including old but serviceable folding bikes. If they aren’t open yet it won’t be long now. Ours is open. The bike shops in town never shut during lockdown. Presumably as they were helping essential workers get transport and repairing their bikes.

The difference in all the second hand ones compared to a new expensive one is the look (scuffed, a bit scratched etc ) and weight (dearer ones are lighter but strong).

It’s up to him what he spends his personal money on but you have a valid point about paying it up if he loses it! Again! Tell him to invest in a really good lock. Like a £30 chain and padlock. And use it. He’s an idiot.

TheMandalorian · 03/06/2020 09:53

@MumW

It's a definite no way from me.

Well I agree, but he is not OP's child and he should be taking responsibility himself. I would suggest OP separates their finances and makes sure she and the children are protected financially.

Puddlejuice · 03/06/2020 10:13

I'd be splitting the finances so that you have equal money to yourselves each month. He needs to buy the endless supply of bikes from his money, you do what you want with yours. That way it does not impact you.
My DP buys endless tech and crap that would drive me mad the way this drives you mad if it was shared money.

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