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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you AREN'T sending your child back to school...

83 replies

Frume · 02/06/2020 22:47

If your childs school is opening and your child/children are in the year groups returning, what made you decide to not send them back?

I'm still undecided and have until tomorrow to decide. I've read many reasons for sending them back, but not many reasons against.

Thank you!

OP posts:

OneForMeToo · 03/06/2020 11:39

Mine are off because not all are in the right year groups to go back. Once all can attend I shall send them back. I’m fortunate enough that I’m home anyway so mine are working from home and not clogging up the waiting system for parents who need their children back in school.

ThatBitch · 03/06/2020 11:39

I didn't send back ds (yr R) as I also have a yr3 who was not eligible. They are already isolated and lonely, They play together all the time. It didn't seem fair at all to take away one of them's playmate and current best friend. They've become thick as thieves and it's lovely to see their relationship develop in a way it probably wouldn't have otherwise. I will happily send them both back when the opportunity arises.

DominaShantotto · 03/06/2020 11:49

Mine are back as kids really struggling with lockdown. I was a bit worried how the youngest would cope as her anxiety is sky high right now - but she's loving it, says school is "really peaceful and quiet" and she's loving being one of the older ones in a mixed age keyworker/vulnerable bubble. The small numbers means she's getting a lot of chance to speak and be heard which has started to repair the damage the lockdown and isolation had done to her speech problems as well - as a placid, compliant, eager to please kid with special needs she can tend to get a bit lost in a throng of 30 kids who are often louder than her.

Today I think will be a bit more of a test as the weather's shit - but she's loving it so far - lots of play and craft activities as well like Hama Beads which are brilliant for her motor skills and something she'd tend to swerve away from as the other kids would tell her she was crap at it; she's had a chance to get near the football goal on the mini pitch which again she doesn't get the chance to do normally; and having her own space with her own pens and pencils is not alien to her as she prefers having her own pencils anyway that she can hold onto because of her dyspraxia.

My other child is actually loving having different teachers from around the school in on a rota as they've all got their different strengths and areas of interest - the techie mad teacher's been in at the start of this week so they've been doing animations and podcasts, then they'll have a teacher in who loves sport so they'll do loads of rounders and kwik cricket and the like. Lots of attention and getting to be nosey at who all the other staff are in the school - and she's a right nosey bugger at the best of times.

Considering how they were struggling at home - one was very depressed and tearful constantly (which has stopped after just a couple of days back in some form of school) and the other is always challenging but had tipped over into physical violence increasingly (I suspect ASD there) - the benefits far outweigh the risks, even if there are some elements that one head has introduced that don't fit in with the guidance and I personally disagree with.

That tipping point varies according to people's own circumstances though.

IndecentFeminist · 03/06/2020 11:50

"must stay looking forward"? Wtf?

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2020 11:51

DS is just turned 5 so Freckleton, he's shielding.

My friend who aren't sending their back are worried about the effect the new school will have on the kids amongst all this other upheaval and upset

Greysparkles · 03/06/2020 12:51

I'm so glad my kids school isn't anything like what some are describing here. My Yr 6 is loving being back, being able to talk with his peers!

Dillydallyingthrough · 03/06/2020 12:53

I agree with PPs it depends how the school has responded, across lots of friends some of the letters from the schools have been awful. My nieces school sent a long letter about the lack of PPE, and everything the kids couldn't do rather than what they can. It put my Dsis off sending her but she called the HT and asked what they could do, the HT said if it was her child she wouldn't send them in. This seems to have really irked my Dsis so my niece went in and had a great time. My godsons school was much more positive and asked parents to talk about the changes positively (a song that they sing when they wash their hands, etc.). My BF was much more assured.

I think the schools who are being really negative, need to realise the stress they are causing the DC and their parents during a very stressful period.

OP in your case I would do what you are doing.

LBOCS2 · 03/06/2020 12:59

Because the measures they've put in place (to protect the staff and the students, which I wholeheartedly support) means that it will be an extremely alien environment for my nursery aged child and I think it will distress her more than help.

Because at the moment my DC are entertaining each other and with one of them gone the other will lose a playmate

Because once they're back in I face having to do 4 school runs in a day, at 8.30, 9.30, 11.45 and 3.30, and I have a full time job which I'm currently trying to do from home.

Because they haven't opened up the breakfast/after school club so we have no wraparound care.

And actually, in no small part, because they're currently coping really well, they're enjoying being at home and not fearful or seemingly emotionally affected by it all. I'd rather not upset that balance.

GravityFalls · 03/06/2020 12:59

I have a y1 and and y4 at home. I have no intention of sending one without the other as it makes my life harder to just have one here instead of both to amuse each other. Their school is very positive and tries to make things nice for the children but it won’t be the same and they’re getting educated fine at home with me and I know they’re safe. I’m WFH and it’s hard work but doable.

I saw the y1 teacher recently - she has small children too and didn’t bat an eyelid when I said I wasn’t sending DD - she agreed it was fine to lee her off if I didn’t have to send her. So I don’t think DD is missing out on much. I might rethink this near the end of term if y4 are also in, for the last couple of weeks.

sunrainwind · 03/06/2020 13:04

My yr 1 child LOVES being back. Despite the school being quite negative, they're doing a lovely job with the children. Helping them with games they can play (rather than what they can't). My daughter loves the small, quiet classes and having her own table and things to keep tidy. She's over the moon to see her friends again and is literally skipping into school in delight.

Epigram · 03/06/2020 13:08

I can't send mine back (wrong year groups) but the people I know who aren't sending theirs back are either because there is a shielding person in the household, or because they have a sibling who can't go back and thought it would upset the family dynamic if one child was at school while the other was at home.

majesticallyawkward · 03/06/2020 13:13

I said no initially as dd is reception and it's not going to be school as they know it. Me and DH agreed that it was potentially a lot of upset and stress for the sake of a few weeks when we can keep her at home with no issues...

However her behaviour is so bad I'm considering sending her in as I think having that back, even changed, would be good for her. Her best friends mum is in the same position.

theworstwife · 03/06/2020 13:28

I didn’t think the juice was worth the squeeze. My DS is in reception. Educationally he would be doing the same as at home but sat alone and without his regular teacher. Socially he unfortunately has struggled at school and he doesn’t seem to miss any of the children. He would find having to sit alone and eat in his classroom etc v difficult and would probably be told off a lot.

My DH is currently caring for him and my DD who is 1. We could make adjustments to get everyone back to work, school and nursery but for now we don’t need to. It should be a personal balanced decision - there is no right or wrong answer

bookwormnerd · 03/06/2020 13:49

I said no for my reception child going back. He has autism and would not cope. The school plans to have them sitting at table and no play based education. He needs a one to one to help him be safe which will not be provided and none of his needs will be met. I think decision needs to be based on what's best for your child and your family. My little boy would crumble with the changes his school is making and he is doing very well at home.

Hippofrog · 03/06/2020 14:10

Will things have changed by September? I was under the impression that bubbles etc will still be the done thing when schools go back after the summer. All of the parents that are keeping children at home because they won’t cope with new layouts etc, will you be keeping them home in September if things haven’t changed?

BankofNook · 03/06/2020 14:13

I will be.

DH has been told he will be working from home until at least October and I'm a SAHM/carer so there will always be at least one of us at home with them. Both schools have said they will be continuing to set work for those at home even in Seotember as there will be many children off due to shielding, being medically vulnerable, or being in quarantine for 7/14 days.

Alittleodd · 03/06/2020 14:15

My son is in Reception and I haven't sent him back for several reasons but the main one is to make life easier on his teacher and TA - his class are a tricky bunch and the fewer they have to manage/physically fit in the classroom with the new set up the easier on them!

There's no disadvantage to his learning being at home as he's got a qualified teacher with him one on one all day to do homeschool, although he probably wouldn't say that's a bonus! He does miss his friends but he misses his grandparents more and another benefit to him staying home is I feel much happier being around them or potentially sending him to stay (once the rules finally allow it).

(Plus I think the dog might have a breakdown if he's suddenly abandoned)

FlyAwayLikeABird · 03/06/2020 14:18

My sisters a teacher and my nephews in year 1. Shes not sending him.

Fluffybutter · 03/06/2020 14:33

I think it’s a shame so many aren’t going in just because of the things put in place .
The kids round here have come out beaming and giggling like normal ,it’s lovely to see (I live opposite a school)
Everyone of my friends have said the school have been great and the children are so glad to be back .
My dd is 9 so not allowed back yet but she will be going when it opens to her

MotherofKitties · 03/06/2020 14:39

My LO isn't going back because I'm pregnant and there's no point me being in isolation for the last 12 weeks or social distancing if my toddler goes back to nursery. Whilst I feel bad she's missing out on socialising with other kids, the well being of my unborn baby comes first.

Once I've given birth she'll likely go back. That's still several months off so hoping things will have calmed down a bit more by then, she'll be older and there's less risk to me and the baby.

As it stands I know of only one child going back to nursery/school. None of the kids or parents are classed as vulnerable, they're just in agreement it's too risky and too soon

PrincessHoneysuckle · 03/06/2020 14:40

Ds went back yesterday to year 1.He certainly wasnt traumatised he really enjoyed it.

Billyjoearmstrong · 03/06/2020 14:45

Dd is year 1.

Main reason is that I’m 28 weeks pregnant.

The other reason is that we moved to a different part of the country in Jan - she was only offered a school place here to start the day they all shut down.

So we’ve been home educating since Jan anyway and I can’t think of a worse set of circumstances to start at a brand new school.

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 03/06/2020 15:54

My yr 6 went back today and it was fanastic.

I kind of hope it is how she starts her new school as its so lovely having a much smaller group and lots of time to be outdoors etc.

showmewhatyougot · 04/06/2020 11:02

I'm 34 weeks pregnant with a son in reception. They aren't taking his class back until 29th June. So he would only be getting 8 days of part time schooling. That's not worth the risk too me.

Original poster

Frume · 06/06/2020 12:19

I was changing my mind about sending them back as my DD's really want to go back. But DH is adamant he doesn't want them back yet

OP posts:

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