Why was I BU? Race related.

[asixthofafathom]

I know I was BU and I am sorry about it, but I don't understand.

I have a black friend who is really articulate and passionate and posts a lot on social media about race - the perfect person, I thought, to ask what to read and what not to read at the moment, so as to avoid stuff that is inaccurate and offensive and hear only the authentic voice of those being oppressed.

She went ballistic and unfriended me, then proceeded to rant publicly about how offensive, selfish and insensitive my request was. Her friends chimed in and started calling me names.

I accept that I was wrong. I know it was poor timing, she doesn't owe me anything and it's not her job to educate me. But I genuinely just wanted to learn and understand and show willingness to listen rather than just assume that I understand an experience that I don't share.

Why was I so wrong to ask? Please don't bite my head off (unless I deserve it), I genuinely meant well and was trying to show respect, and now I feel awful.

[dodobookends]

If I had a friend who was absolutely furious, insulted, enraged and really upset about an issue (say for instance something to do with being persecuted about her faith), then I would want to do everything I could to comfort, empathise and support her.

And the the only way that I'd feel that I would be able to empathise with her particular feelings would be to gain an insight into the issue. From her point of view.

The OP was trying to do the best she could to understand a situation, and look what's happened.

I despair sometimes.

[1forsorrow]

The problem as well is that if something is a continual impact on your life you don’t necessarily have books and resources to hand. I would assume most do not need a book on racism to know it’s there every day and the different ways it manifests. It’s a lived experience that does not need a handbook. Why would that make you go on a rant and unfriend someone? Wouldn't you just say you didn't have any recommendations?

[AKissAndASmile]

But they probably will be using your question as a topic for yet another 'ALL white people are racist/uncaring/privileged/ignorant etc' rant to add to the chip on their shoulder and the shoulders of their followers unfortunately. Because us whiteys and our race are fair game apparently.
Oh poor you 'whiteys'

[DamnYouAutoCarrot]

@Jangirl2018 nope, not salivating. Quite the opposite. I'm astounded by your baiting and prejudice quite frankly.

Couldn't point me to all these racist, salivating posts? Happy to be proved wrong by them.

Make your point, debate, discuss, enlighten.. Please bring something to the table, but don't lie. It does your argument no justice.

[MintyMabel]

*couple of decent book suggestions without getting “emotionally drained” and “exhausted”?

If it is happening regularly it can be draining. And depressing. Is the average, well educated guy so lazy that he can’t go and do his own research.

So you wasted £6, so what? Are you so disinterested you don’t want to spend another £6 on a different book? Or look online for the thousands of articles written on the subject?

[nanbread]

There's also a long history of black people seemingly existing only to "serve" white people - slavery, the help etc, askibg them to do the work for you is effectively another form of that

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Interesting that the vote bears so little realtion to the proportion of YABU/YANBU comments on the thread ...

[nicky7654]

Your so called friend is acting like a spoilt teenager!!!

[Leflic]

Yes but Google only returns a fairly white perspective.

I see a black white divide as a product of male behaviour. Both black and white men behave appalling.
Men killing in the game of a uniform or other men rioting in game of change.. The horrendous killing of George Floyd which is unacceptable in any modern civilised society

But, it doesn’t appear to be female cops or black female rioters.

Women ,although they may not attract as much police attention have it bloody hard The objectification of women really doesn’t work in a black women's favour. Having to adopt entrenched westernised ideals on the looks front with long hair, fine skin, blushing cheeks blah blah blah. . The black woman gets “tough momma” or “the twerker” as fallback behaviour.So whete is the academic, the politician or the farmer. Why are black women even less capable then white.
Objectifying back men however is positive - they end up being ideal men. Top of their sport , well hung, coo.
I don’t know about race politics. I just know it’s men again..

[MorrisZapp]

Asking a black person to recommend a book is like slavery?

The staff in Waterstones must fall into bed the minute they get in the door.

[Jangirl2018]

@DamnYouAutoCarrot

I have made my point, you just didn’t like it. It’s clear you don’t really understand racism, its plain to see, so why would I indulge your ignorance. Where have you ‘debated, discussed or enlightened’? Your agenda is clear. I’ve not lied my love, I just see right through you. And the fact you have made certain assumptions about me says it all.....

[Cam77]

@MintyMabel
So you wasted £6, so what? Are you so disinterested you don’t want to spend another £6 on a different book?

I don’t want to waste £6 on a bad book, which is why I’d consider asking a friend for a personal recommendation. Nothing better than a recommendation from somebody who knows you and knows what sort of writing style etc you’re after. And £6 is a lot of money for many people. Check your privilege?

[DamnYouAutoCarrot]

@Jangirl2018 oh, so you can't. Jeez, best tell my Asian dad that I know fook all about racism 😂😂😂 jog on you loonatic. Educate yourself.

[Jangirl2018]

@DamnYouAutoCarrot

Yes you really ‘got me’ because I won’t indulge your stupid pointless request. How odd. How childish. And now you choose to pointlessly mention you Asian dad??!! And i’m the loon?

Night love!

[MrsGrindah]

If the answer to everything is just Google then we might as well just shut down all forms of social media including Mumsnet

[MintyMabel]

I don’t want to waste £6 on a bad book, which is why I’d consider asking a friend for a personal recommendation.

If money is so tight, you can always borrow from the library.

And you have no idea about my privilege or otherwise.

[DamnYouAutoCarrot]

No @Jangirl2018 you came on here baiting, it's disgraceful. You assumed I'm white, that's why I mentioned race. That I know nothing of racism, I do.

I also know that people like you don't educate, you incite hate and prejudice. That's why I asked you to point it out. Not as some pointless game or point scoring, but to show you that you can't just make hateful statements about any race. It's hurtful to all concerned. Not every white person you come across is racist, it's, wrong to acuse people of salivating and being so excited to be racist. Disgusting.

[StopMurderingUs]

I would move on, your intentions might have been genuine, but she has taken them as ignorant and insensitive,. And by the way try telling the white farmers of Zimbabwe that whites don,t face discrimination when they had land taken from them during Mugabe,s time. Ok you could say he gave them back to the blacks, but no he ended up ruining the land and only gave it back to his supporters leaving many blacks unemployed. (as well as whites and other races I imagine.)

Such a simplistic way to look at the Zimbabwean situation.

The British colonised Zimbabwe in the 1890s. They systematically drove all black people off the arable land and into small pockets of dry land with no water and stole cattle. They looted the country of artefacts and minerals (Cecil John Rhodes personal wealth derived from looting from Zimbabwe, Zambia, Malawi and South Africa, some diamonds and gold are found in the crown jewels and soapstone birds that Germany has until recently refused to return as well as a trophy of a beheaded chief's head here in British museums that this country will not return despite the religious and spiritual significance of these).

People were moved again and displaced from ancestral grave sites which are again almost central to Shona, Ndebele, Tonga and Kalanga culture. Systematic oppression until 1979 when the Lancaster Agreement was signed by Margaret Thatcher. The Zimbabweans wanted land redistribution immediately but agreed to wait 10 years on the basis the Brittish government would fund the purchase of white owned farms bought pre-1980 to be redistributed to the majority black population. The British reneged on the promise, and the economy was worsening in the 1990s, alongside incredible inequality with a tiny minority holding the vast majority of the wealth. It bubbled over into the farm evasions of the late 90s and early 2000s. I've mainly omitted political issues and influences

It is disingenuous to paint it as black people discriminating white people without the entire background of 100+ years of systematic oppression and inequality. Black people did not become aggressors in a vacuum. The West obviously retaliated in the form of sanctions which have lasted until now.

It is actually quite similar to the situation in America now.

[Cam77]

@MintyMabel
Well, you inferred that £6 wasn’t a lot of money. I’d say your privilege in that financial respect was fairly obvious.

[Phoebesgift]

Maybe what happened to George happens to whites too. Maybe the US law enforcement is just corrupt? After all, they convicted a 16 year old called Brendan Massey with learning disabilities of a murder he didnt convict. They lied, told him what to say and now he's in prison till he's 58.

[Cam77]

You also said “if money is so tight”.
Again, your economic privilege is obvious. Be sure to check it next time!

[DamnYouAutoCarrot]

Thank you for that @StopMurderingUs.

[ThisShitCrazy]

My rule of thumb .....never ever ever comment. Ever. No matter what you say someone will be offended.

[backseatcookers]

But they probably will be using your question as a topic for yet another 'ALL white people are racist/uncaring/privileged/ignorant etc' rant to add to the chip on their shoulder and the shoulders of their followers unfortunately. Because us whiteys and our race are fair game apparently.

"They"

Lovely.

[Jangirl2018]

@DamnYouAutoCarrot

Yes you seem VERY hurt, well at least you can admit that. Now we’re getting some where, clearly I touched a nerve? You seem very angry. Once again, you full of assumptions, but I really can’t be bothered to work out why. Didn’t you assume I wasn’t white? Be consistent, you can’t keep up with your own web of nonsense. You KEEP exposing yourself love.