to be surprised at the bbc not finding 'retard' offensive

[recycledteenager24]

just been reading on the have your say about beach goers and there is a lot of angry people. one poster #1088 commented on the 'retards' 'those retarded enough to go to the beach..' i contacted the moderator that i think that word is offensive byt they have deemed to say the post stays !
total scum in this day and age use this worrd imo.
ds has been called this for having autism,in the past. it makes me so angry. aibu ?

At least whatareyouhiding has been deleted!

@recycledteenager24

Yes I'd be ok with people using language that I don't particularly like. I would think less of the person using it but context is everything. Because a word upsets you doesn't mean it should be unspeakable.

Maybe the word was used in its literal sense rather than in its more modern connotation?

Retardard is still used in today's medical terms. My son has a diagnosis of Mental Retardation.

So yeah ...I can actually get upset when people use it in a discriminatory fashion.

Words have power ...... hence why some words we just dont use anymore.

@FourPlasticRings no worries!

Thanks for the reports about this thread. We've removed a number of posts that we felt were inflammatory and in breach of our Talk Guidelines.

We're also posting a link to our This Is My Child Campaign and would like to highlight our page challenging the myth that language about special needs doesn't matter.

Please consider the challenges many parents of children with disabilities, or who have disabilities themselves, face on a daily basis.

Mumsnet exists to make parent's lives easier and if there's one thing we could all do with, it's some understanding and moral support.

What words can be used? Genuinely.

DD came home from school in juniors saying that stupid is unacceptable.

I tend to use idiot / idiotic, fool / foolish or daft. Which I think of as synonyms for each other. Are those unacceptable too?

What words can be used? Genuinely.

I know you didn't mean that way it but you sound so much like a relative of mine who, when challenged about the use of racist/sexist/ableist terms, will immediately try to deflect the argument by saying "well what words should I use? They keep changing their minds about what is and isn't offensive so how is a person supposed to know?"

Schools tell children not to use the word stupid because they tend to have policies around discouraging name calling and encouraging positivity. That doesn't mean that you, as an adult, cannot use the word stupid in appropriate context. Stupid is not generally offensive when applied to objects or situations and individuals may take offence if it is directed at them but - generally speaking - no one is going to think you abhorrent for using it.

The r-word was once used as a medical definition/diagnosis and it is offensive that this word relating to diagnosis has now become a byword for stupid, slow, thick, lacking in commonsense, etc. It associates the word 'retard' with 'stupidity' and places a value on those labelled as 'retarded'. Do you see why people would take offense to disability becoming synonymous with stupidity?

It's a horrible word and is very offensive to those with learning disabilities.

whiterose you did sound a bit, PC gorn mad! I’m sure you didn’t mean to. Generally, what BankofNook said. I’ve worked in a primary school and children are discouraged to call their peers ‘stupid.’ An action someone did might be stupid or idiotic, but saying a person is stupid isn’t polite.

These threads come up fairly often and there’s always someone defending the use of retard, spaz or mong. Possibly because they use those terms themselves and either didn’t understand why they are so offensive and are embarrassed and defensive or they don’t care about offending people.

Thanks Millicent.

Obviously spaz, mong, retard should NEVER be used. Just like many racist terms from the 1970s.

But on MN over the years other words, the ones I've mentioned, have also been criticised.

Good point though. Stupid act not person.

its sad and very commonplace how often people use that slur

‘What words can be used?’

Would you be OK with a teacher calling your child stupid, thick, an idiot?
Those words are not ok, along with the much more serious ones like spaz/spazzing out or retard. Yes, the phrase ‘has been retarded’ is grammatically acceptable, but times have changed and some language needs to be left in the past.

So @MidsummerMurders what words does one use when someone behaves in a manner that is stupid, thick or idiotic.

Not thinking in terms of teachers in a classroom. More to describe people who tombstone off cliffs in Dorset, ride on top of trains, run across train tracks when the barriers are down. To me those people would be stupid thick and idiotic.

What words would you use?

@whiteroseredrose you just say they're stupid - or their behaviour is stupid if you're feeling charitable. Stupid isn't associated with disability, it's not offensive in that way. It's just that it's not polite to tell someone they are stupid (in the same way it's not polite to tell someone they smell etc) so people tell children not to do it.
To other posters on this thread arguing that words like retard and spaz are okay: just don't. Just no. Spastic is still used as a diagnostic feature of cerebral palsy. My best friend with cerebral palsy is seriously hurt by the use of her medical condition as an insult, as she is entitled to be. Her life is difficult in many ways, she doesn't need someone to make it shitter. I have DCD (developmental coordination delay), and I guess at one point I would have been told that my coordination was retarted. I am not remotely stupid. Whatever the "older/ wider" meanings of the word may be, is offensive to associate a term used for neurological disability with stupidity. I am not being a snowflake to say this. I understand words have different meanings in different contexts (I study literature) but in this case the primary connotation is offensive and hurtful, and as such these words should not be used. The English language is nothing if not rich, I'm sure you can find other words to use.

Its very telling how many people would wince at racist, homophobic, misogynistic slurs but with casually use the R word, it is definitely a slur, it has history, the label Mental Retardation was used to justify locking away society's most vulnerable in asylums and expose them to systematic violent abuse, which is still happening today to some level. see secure units/autism. Thats why its so offensive, scratch the surface our society still has a very Victorian view of the learning disabled.

BBC moderation is bizarre. I once had a post deleted for offensive language when I had used the phrase 'have sex'. I emailed to complain and they admitted it wasn't offensive but decided it was off-topic instead so the deletion would remain.