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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this allowed...

64 replies

TheLadyAnneNeville · 02/06/2020 11:51

Please don’t have a go...genuinely unsure what’s the best thing to do.

DH myself and DS (who is autistic) have followed the COVID19 rules. We’ve stayed home, worked from home and only shopped every 7-10 days when we’ve had to. No driveway “chatting” and even though DS could have been in college, he’s stayed home because he’s been too scared to go in. He also has two PAs which he could now see, but hasn’t.

Now, we were thinking of travelling to my sisters house about 45 miles away, this weekend. It’d mean staying overnight in a household of people who are key workers ie. a social worker, a nurse, a dr’s receptionist and a care worker (we used to have 2 police officers and a fireman too! 😂). The reason really is to help DS. DS has no friends as such, friendships are really elusive and difficult for him. He’s very bright but he draws a total blank on socialising. He’s just started going out again and will walk for hours on his own, around our small market town and “hangs about” to people-watch. He’s a very gentle young man and has been badly bullied in the past. This walking/standing about has gotten him into trouble with people reporting him, calling the police because he “looks weird” 😡 and so, in an effort to keep him safe, I thought it a good idea to take him to see his cousins. Good for me too as frankly, each time he leaves the house, my hearts in my mouth. At the weekend he went out and was “walking” for 5 hours in this heat. He wasn’t answering his mobile so, I got in the car and went to look for him. Eventually, I spotted him at the park, pacing like a polar bear, and I could tell he was hoping to be invited to join a group of teens, all sat in a big circle BBQ going. Of course they just ignored him which is better than them reporting him as a “weirdo”.

But I’m scared, in view of their jobs. Having been so incredibly cautious could I now jeopardise everything?

WWYD? He’s 20 by the way so, not a child. I can’t make him stay in.

OP posts:
Puppylucky · 02/06/2020 19:29

I'm sorry I haven't read the full thread but my heart is breaking for you and your poor son. Please ignore the Covid Nazis and take him somewhere where he can engage with people who love him - and good luck to you both xx

GrandAltogetherSo · 02/06/2020 19:42

You don’t have to answer to anyone on here so if you feel it will help your family, then go and visit the cousins.

TheLadyAnneNeville · 02/06/2020 21:13

@Puppylucky and @GrandAltogetherSo, thank you both. You get it. That’s kind.
@TerrapinStation... I could tell my story to you over ten pages. You wouldn’t get my heartbreak so I shall not bother.

OP posts:
TheLadyAnneNeville · 02/06/2020 21:15

Anyway, have decided to go for the day. And, if DS will allow, I will then drive home.

OP posts:
Khione · 02/06/2020 21:43

I really feel for you and your son.

In your position I would first discuss it with the people at the other end. I suspect you probably have already. They are far more competent to make an individual risk assessment than anyone on here (including me).

If they are ok with you going I would go with plans to stay for the day and come home in the evening - following the rules.

I would also go prepared to stay over, with sufficient night time provisions, in case your son feels unable to undertake the journey home or having been there for 8 or so hours you and the people you are visiting decide it is everyone's best interests that you stay.

Some of your relatives are working in the front line so there is obviously more risk than if they weren't. Having said that - if it was me, and they were well and not currently knowingly in regular contact with people with CV, I would go and stay without a second thought.

Bear the following in mind
There were 1613 new cases today.
There are 49000 towns, villages & cities in the U.K.
So, even if the cases were spread out with just 1 in a settlement (which they’re not as most cluster in families or care homes) just 3% of settlements would have had a new case.

FlyAwayLikeABird · 02/06/2020 22:00

If you think it will help your son just go OP x

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2020 22:04

I’d go and stay over night I think your sons mental health is important. But then I’ve got to the stage I’ll make my own decisions on what I shall or shall not do.

imsooverthisdrama · 03/06/2020 08:39

I've read all your posts twice and I can't see where you've explained why you have to stay overnight somewhere so nearby. What time post was it?
Well clearly you haven't read it properly , obviously it's doable to drive there and back in a day but the op wants her autistic ds to have a break and her son may not want to come back on the same day and do it again the next day . You obviously do not understand how hard it is for the op .
Op I think you and your son need a break , obviously with Covid most respite is cancelled . I have only just got my dc in school for a couple of days but you are struggling, can you not get some support?
Do it if it's what you need , your circumstances are different and you and your dc need the break but you need to make sure your family are happy with this .

TheLadyAnneNeville · 03/06/2020 18:41

Thank you for the mind and understanding replies.

The trip is temporarily postponed as the weather has turned. We cannot sit in the garden in the wind and rain and 12 degrees 🙄

OP posts:
countrygirl99 · 03/06/2020 18:53

Some of the answers here show just how little some people understand the dreadful impact of lockdown on some people. As long as the people you are visiting are comfortable with it go OP. It sounds like they are in a better position to understand the real risk than anyone on here.

bigmamama · 03/06/2020 18:55

I think your old enough to make your own decisions and what's right and wrong for you and your family. Especially your sons mental health, i openly admit through this past 10/12 weeks iv seen my mother every single day (she lives alone, not vulnerable or old) so she can help me with my 2 Ds as I have terrible depression and anxiety. I say go and ignore the covid police on here. You might have noticed they have far more strict rules of their own! And will probably be home sat waiting aslong as it takes for a "vaccine" and until Boris says they can see x y and z!!

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 03/06/2020 18:59

Oh rs not technically allowed but I probably would, or I would just drive there and spend the day. 45 miles isn't that far.

ilovesooty · 03/06/2020 19:04

@Puppylucky

I'm sorry I haven't read the full thread but my heart is breaking for you and your poor son. Please ignore the Covid Nazis and take him somewhere where he can engage with people who love him - and good luck to you both xx
Why is someone a Covid Nazi if they don't think staying overnight is acceptable under the guidelines? What a foul expression.
Sugartitss · 03/06/2020 20:13

I’d go

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