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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH wants to invite people to stay in our garden

81 replies

AhhCorona · 02/06/2020 09:34

DH wants to invite colleagues & kids who live in London to camp in our rural garden.
We supply the tent, bedding, food for their visit. They use separate bathroom but will inevitably end up in downstairs of house.

YABU yes they should stay, share the local beaches, no danger, socially acceptable.
YANBU crazy idea, the kids havent seen their friends & family and you want us to host a work colleague

OP posts:

ScrapThatThen · 02/06/2020 12:04

For a family holiday in August maybe. Not now.

Yankathebear · 02/06/2020 12:06

We have also had people ask this. We’ve said not at the moment (which means fuck off trying to use my beautiful garden as a camp site).

Athrawes · 02/06/2020 12:06

This is why the UK still has rampant infection. What don't you people get about lockdown meaning stay home!? Stay away from other people.

awesomeaircraft · 02/06/2020 12:09

Each to their own, but even in normal times, I am not sure I would want another family camping in my garden, even if I had one (flat dweller here).

Eddielzzard · 02/06/2020 12:13

Absolutely NOT!

Iflyaway · 02/06/2020 12:15

We supply the tent, bedding, food for their visit.

Ah, so your husband has decided to turn your garden into an all-inclusive holiday for his mate.

That would be a no from me, never mind the pandemic.

What part of "Stay at home" did his colleague not get...?

BlackberryCane · 02/06/2020 12:21

@Rhodri

share the local beaches So I go to my local beach and have to share it with someone who has come from a corona hotspot? How selfish. They need to stay where they are! The beaches aren’t yours to share - are you going to ask all the locals if they’re happy to share their beach with people from London?

Why on earth would she do that? The beaches don't belong to the locals any more or less than anyone else: they aren't theirs to share either. They're everyone's. You wanting them to stay away from the beaches for your benefit is what's selfish here.

That being said, OP is quite right not to want to host them. They can exercise their right to use the beaches without expecting her to host them overnight, particularly given the potential legal issues.

B1rdbra1n · 02/06/2020 12:22

OP, why is your husband so keen to score points with this work colleague?

scheffsm · 02/06/2020 12:25

Ridiculous.
And why should you and husband provide the tent, bedding, meals etc?
Is husband going to be doing the cooking and also the laundry when they've finished with the bedding?
If they want to camp in your garden then they should provide their own tent and bedding and bring a camping cooker and their own food. It's beyond cheeky at the best of times.
But it should not be happening at the moment. It's against the rules and I know some people have been bending the rules but that really is taking the piss. People shouldn't be staying overnight somewhere and that includes in a garden.

Tell DH no. Once Corona restrictions are eased a bit maybe, but not if it means you are going to have to make all their food.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/06/2020 12:26

Your husband is being a total dick. No, they can't come. Whilst they might be finding it a bit tricky in their flat, that is not your responsibility, nor your husband's. Of course they would end up inside your house. And that's all before we get to the absolute point that it's currently against lockdown, so again - NO.

He really needs to examine his poor boundaries over this. You say they approached him, why did he just not automatically respond with 'no can do'? Did it make him feel big and important to be able to grant their wishes - being the Big I Am / Lord Bountiful? Or did he feel backed into a corner and needs to work on his confidence?

The reason he'd say 'yes', especially when you've made it clear it's a 'no' from you, effectively prioritising a colleagues wishes over those of his wife, should be looked at by the both of you.

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/06/2020 12:27

Your DH is an idiot.

Perisoire · 02/06/2020 12:30

When you say provide, does that mean cooked meals? And who would do the cooking, OP?

No way would I agree to this!

Rhodri · 02/06/2020 12:33

The beaches don't belong to the locals any more or less than anyone else: they aren't theirs to share either. They're everyone's. You wanting them to stay away from the beaches for your benefit is what's selfish here
People have been told to stick to their local areas to avoid spreading infection across the country. It’s selfish of people to travel to another area and spread the virus to hundreds of local people just because THEY want to go to a beach that isn’t local to them. They are putting a large number of local people at risk by doing this. It’s the same as Dominic Cummings travelling to Durham because HE wanted to and causing a wave of Covid in the local area.

Mrsjayy · 02/06/2020 12:33

Meals provided I am imaging breakfast baskets and picnic hampers just to give the garden that glamping vibe

monkeymonkey2010 · 02/06/2020 12:39

We supply the tent, bedding, food for their visit
So basically you fund their 'holiday' and also have to tolerate their presence in your back yard?????

Who would be doing the running around, cleaning, supplying, mental load - YOU!!!!!!!!

Sounds to me like your husband is trying to take the piss out of you so HE can have his mate close to hang out with - leaving the 'women's work' to the women.......

awesomeaircraft · 02/06/2020 12:41

We supply the tent, bedding, food for their visit.

Missed that. So all cost and efforts on you.

BlackberryCane · 02/06/2020 12:45

@Rhodri

The beaches don't belong to the locals any more or less than anyone else: they aren't theirs to share either. They're everyone's. You wanting them to stay away from the beaches for your benefit is what's selfish here People have been told to stick to their local areas to avoid spreading infection across the country. It’s selfish of people to travel to another area and spread the virus to hundreds of local people just because THEY want to go to a beach that isn’t local to them. They are putting a large number of local people at risk by doing this. It’s the same as Dominic Cummings travelling to Durham because HE wanted to and causing a wave of Covid in the local area.

No it isn't. The laws in place now are not the same.

In any case, it is a fact that the beaches don't belong to the locals any more to non-locals. You referred to the local beach as 'their' beach and this is simply incorrect. If you to take want a moral view on whether people should be able to travel to access beaches that belong to them every bit as much as they belong to the locals, by all means do so, and expect to have your selfishness pointed out when you do: plenty of scope for local residents to cause problems, after all. But don't pretend there is any difference in ownership, and if you want a say on who gets to use a beach, start saving up.

Jaxhog · 02/06/2020 12:45

Which part of ‘no overnight stays‘ does your husband not understand?

This is your get out. But yes, it's a daft idea. Very cheeky of them to suggest it. Staying in a tent in this heat, will be much, much worse than a small flat even. So they wouldn't stay in the tent - they'll expect to be in your house.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/06/2020 12:49

No. Just no.

We have acreage and thought about opening our back pasture up to friends (we wouldn't be providing anything) but decided that all in all, it just wasn't a good idea. The likelihood of 'mixing' was just too great.

What is this colleague's work-relationship to your DH? A superior? Someone in position to do him a favour? A 'work-friend' (someone he hangs with at work but not otherwise)?

namesnames · 02/06/2020 12:55

No, he is being ridiculous to suggest such a thing.

What is wrong with people ffs?

Happynow001 · 02/06/2020 12:56

He can do the all hosting, feeding and watering and fetching and carrying.
And all the intensive, thorough cleaning of all surfaces, laundry etc afterwards and, yes, that does include the toilet!

And how is HE planning on disinfecting the tent?

Also how would he feel if his own family succumbed to Covid because of his stupidity?

It's a 'No' I think!

Original poster

AhhCorona · 02/06/2020 15:49

Thank you for all the comments and votes. DH is living in his own little bubble. It's been interesting thinking about his motivation. He comes from a good place but the kids and I are just an extension to him. He wants to be a hero so is quite happy to sacrifice his family to get there.

If I wasn't here he would definitely have them to stay in a tent, near open water with a three year old.

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 02/06/2020 17:03

He comes from a good place but the kids and I are just an extension to him. He wants to be a hero so is quite happy to sacrifice his family to get there.

That's kind of a troubling statement. Are you content to live knowing you and your children apparently come second to his need to look good to others/get ahead?

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/06/2020 17:14

"He comes from a good place but the kids and I are just an extension to him. He wants to be a hero so is quite happy to sacrifice his family to get there."

That's one hell of a 'good place', one where people aren't proper humans so can be sacrificed to enhance his sense of self. I mean, really @AhhCorona? How do you square this circle? If that is how your husband thinks, he is really, really not a good person, and he is not coming from a good place. He is coming from a place of total selfishness where the people he's supposed to love and protect are just tools to enhance his reputation.

I'll stand by my opinion of him as a total dick.

SpilltheTea · 02/06/2020 17:18

They sound like a bunch of idiots.

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