To divorce a man I love?

[RupaulsHagface]

Quick story, had suspected some kind of affair for about 6 months, discovered message on his phone, confronted he said just a friend, packed a bag and left after 24 years. Came back 2 days later and cleared house of all his stuff, no explanation, blocked me everywhere (kids are both over 20 so he corresponds direct).

We have no communication other than kids telling me lies he has said about my character, very hurtful things. I have been left broken hearted as i thought he was a good man, and I believe he was for the majority of our relationship, really good husband and devoted to his family.

It seems he has had some mid life crisis and decided he doesn't want me anymore, his friend is married (I found this out from my son) and unlikely they will be together.

He lives on his own now and according to kids is very down and sad, but he has never in these 5 months reached out or asked if I am ok, no texts, nothing.

I filed for divorce on the basis of unreasonable behaviour, I am awaiting decree Nisi.

My AIBU is a friend has been very rude to me and said if I loved him like I said I would never file for divorce as if you live someone you couldn't do it.

The truth is, he gave me no closure, I have to make my own, I love him very much, but he doesn't love me and he isn't coming back. Am I wrong to try and make a line in the sand for my own mental health? I am grieving the relationship and he has become a stranger, nothing like the man I knew.

Am I wrong to divorce a man I love so I can try and heal and not be sitting for years waiting for more hurt when divorce papers land on my doormat?

You, absolutely, did the right thing, OP. He ended the marriage when he walked out. I'd point that out to your friend (the fool!) next time.

You have good boundaries, OP, and your friend doesn't.

He essentially ghosted you after you committed to him for a quarter of a century. Your friend's standards are so low, one would have to dig to find them.

for you! Here's to a fulfilling future.

Lose them both!

You have no reason to not divorce

Agree with divorce totally

My thoughts are had she been just a friend, he would have talked you down, not walked. I’m wondering if he used this situation as an excuse to get away from you and is punishing you for calling him out.

It sounds as though maybe he wanted to carry on being the family man with a bit on the side. Badmouthing you to the children would be the natural progression from this and an attempt to get them to take sides. If they were mistrust you, they’d want to spend more time with him, wouldn’t they?

Idk if I’m not right. But it is my gut instinct and if this is his motive, it looks as if that spectacularly backfired.

Your friend otoh is an idiot. You need closure. If she wants to be a doormat, let her. However, you need self love and show to your children how to act in such a situation. Their father certainly hasn’t. Pining over and angry child is not one of them.

Thank you all for your replies, so appreciated and it's nice to have the support!

To the person who mentioned mental health I tried about 12 times to engage in all sorts of ways - nada.

And dragon, I think you are right, but I think he stayed because he had no where to go, using me .

He offered me nothing just walked out the door x

People love differently and deal with things in their own way. If im hurt i would act like you even if i love them because them ignoring me all these months is to me a clear signal they dont want us back... so thr signal to me is that they dont care.
Respect is more important to me than love. Your friend is hurtful to say that even if they view or would act differently to you, its not their place to say that to you.