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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re taking photos

81 replies

KnackeredHag · 01/06/2020 20:18

I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable or if my husband (and teenage child) are?

A few weeks ago as part of my daughters school work she had to make an assault course. She decided to start it about two thirds of the way down the driveway up to the garage. We were out there, doing the assault course waiting for my husband to return from work. When he pulled up he looked puzzled, got out of his van and asked if we knew there was a man taking photos of us. I didn't so walked down and out of the drive to see. He was probably in his 80s and was walking away from the house, he must've turned after my husband pulled up and given I had to walk down and out the drive he must've left pretty quickly. Didn't really think anything more about it.

Today I'm out the back and my eldest calls me to the front. The elderly man has returned with laminated photos of us playing in the driveway. I think he's probably a lonely old man with no family and he liked seeing us playing together and thought he was doing a kind thing by bringing the photos round. My husband and teen think he is weird and it's not the kind of thing you do, apparently I'm naive.

So who (if any of us) are being unreasonable?

YABU - You need to see that sometimes people aren't who you think they are

YANBU - He sounds like a sweet old man and your husband and child are wrong in their assumptions

OP posts:

TippledPink · 02/06/2020 09:39

I think his intentions were innocent, but maybe you (rather than husband) could pop over and say thank you for the photos, but maybe warn him that other people might not be so happy for him to take their photos? As he could find himself in a sticky situation if he were to photograph the wrong people who aren't quite as understanding as you.

Eeyoresstickhouse · 02/06/2020 09:40

He probably saw a mum and child having a fun time and wanted to capture that moment for you.

Maybe I am being naive and innocent but I really think he was trying to do a nice thing for you. A predator isn't going to return and give you copies of the photos is he?

It is slightly weird, but I think he was just trying to do a lovely thing.

Chillipeanuts · 02/06/2020 09:45

I’m constantly having to tell my stepdad that he just can’t talk to random children these days.
He’s just fond of kids in general and is always speaking to them, says he doesn’t think people appreciate children until they’re old.
Last summer, we were with him when he helped up a boy, 6 or 7, who’d tumbled down a flight of concrete steps on the prom in front of us and had a really nasty cut knee. He gave him a pound and said an ice lolly might help. When the parents caught up, they pulled the boy away, muttering and staring at dad as though he was an axe murderer.
He’s a lovely, kind man in his 80s, was clearly with us and our own son but if looks could kill.
I imagine this is similar. A kind old person, possibly very lonely right now, who saw moments of joy in dark times, they moved him and he wanted to give you a momento of them.
If he was up to anything dodgy, he’d hardly bring you the evidence!

Ughmaybenot · 02/06/2020 09:45

It’s made my chest hurt a bit thinking of him going home, printing and laminating them so he could give them to you. I’m too soft for my own good sometimes!

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/06/2020 09:47

He is probably a man with a photography hobby who enjoyed seeing you and your daughter taking part in the assault course. Often people don't play in their front gardens so he possibly found that unusual. I think he was probably delighted to see such a sight.

How lovely that you now have some photographs depicting the actual event rather than those you have to pose for. Priceless.

We don't have to view everything with suspicion.

SandieCheeks · 02/06/2020 09:48

It's a bit weird but well intentioned and no harm done.

Mucklowe · 02/06/2020 09:51

If anyone took photos of my daughter without my consent I would go fucking postal, especially a "lonely old man" nonce.

Chillipeanuts · 02/06/2020 09:54

How old is your daughter? Is she on Instagram?
Not all lonely old people are weirdos. Sad that anyone would automatically assume that.

Nottherealslimshady · 02/06/2020 09:58

It's a bit weird but I think well intentioned. You now have pictures of a special family moment caught in the moment rather than posed. That's quite nice. Maybe he's missing his own family and wishing he had pictures of those moments and has made it a thing to give others what he's missing.

The fact he brought you the pictures makes me think its innocent, if there were I'll intentions he wouldn't bring attention on it.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 02/06/2020 10:13

Oh FFS what do you think he will do ??!

Paranoia central on here .

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 02/06/2020 10:15

@Nottherealslimshady has a good point , one with which I agree.

Poor old sod done a nice thing and others are calling him creepy .

Nixen · 02/06/2020 10:15

I think that’s lovely and it’s so sad that people would think this is anything other than a (perhaps lonely) man reaching out to his neighbours. #BeKind didn’t last long did it?

Artartart · 02/06/2020 10:15

It's weird but I don't think he's got any ill meaning as he wouldn't give you them. He's probably lonely or just trying to do something nice.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 02/06/2020 10:16

Oh jog on @Mucklowe

Doubt anyone would want to take photos of your kids if you look as aggressive as you sound anyway .

Nixen · 02/06/2020 10:17

@Mucklowe what a horrible way to view the world. Most people are good you know?

Jazzled · 02/06/2020 10:17

It sounds like he is a kind old man trying to do something nice imho.

If he had something to hide he wouldn't have brought them to your door.

Waitingforboristoletusfree · 02/06/2020 10:21

Well, what did he say to you when he gave them to you? Seems quite sweet on the face of it but I guess it depends what he actually said

sunflowersandtulips50 · 02/06/2020 10:29

The fact you allowed him to take photos has led to him feeling then comfortable to then come back and drop the photos off. What are you going to do when he returns as he is sure to do?

LastTrainEast · 02/06/2020 10:45

I think it's his hobby too. He's probably got a work area set up for developing, laminating etc so it's probably not a lot of trouble to make you a set.
I bet he thought this was a good example of people making the best of the current situation.

There's a guy on twitter who takes photos all the time. He sells the best ones in nice frames. He can't do that right now because of the virus, but is still taking them in isolated places where he lives. When it's your hobby you don't want to stop.

I get why it looks odd to some people brought up in these times, but I am from his. I don't blame you for being a little uneasy, but think it's sad that people react like Mucklowe.

DappledThings · 02/06/2020 10:51

What a horrible response from Mucklowe.

Spied · 02/06/2020 10:56

He's probably lonely and thought he was doing a nice thing.
I'm wondering if a man with sinister intent would really come and give you the pictures.
Unless of course he knew he was spotted so sent you a copy to cover up. Although I doubt this.

Toothsil · 02/06/2020 11:00

I think it was a lovely and kind thing to do, and it's sad that so many people immediately think he was a paedophile. He wouldn't have brought you the photos as a gift, he'd have kept them for himself, if he had dodgy intentions. I think he just thought it would be a nice thing to do for your memories.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 02/06/2020 11:29

I think that’s lovely and it’s so sad that people would think this is anything other than a (perhaps lonely) man reaching out to his neighbours. #BeKind didn’t last long did it?

#BeKind isn’t the same as #BeNaive. Yes, in this case it seems like it’s a nice man who hasn’t seen how this could be misinterpreted - but isn’t it better to be at least cautious and be proved wrong than to wrongly assume innocence? Imagine the reaction on here if someone posted ‘This man has been taking photos of my children and now they’re scared of him, but we thought he was just a lonely old man?’ The poster would be torn to pieces.

The elderly seem to be a protected species in some corners of MN. When is the switchover point where you suddenly become beyond criticism by the virtue of your age? Or is it a sliding scale? Taking photos of children you don’t know is full-on creepy if you’re 59, but a few days later after your 60th birthday it starts to become quite sweet, if a little misguided, a lovely gesture by the time you’re 70, and once you’re 80 you’re practically Santa.

Clancey · 02/06/2020 11:39

@12stepCAKE

Considering he is about 80 years old what do they think he would do....?

A paedo doesn't stop at a certain age.

Nixen · 02/06/2020 11:40

It’s not naive to think a person taking pictures of a child (clothed and outdoors) is probably not a ‘nonce’ as a poster so charmingly decided. I reckon most actual paedophiles probably don’t advertise it by giving copies of the pics they’ve taken to the child’s parents? I also don’t see what possible danger this man could have to fully clothed children with whom he will presumably never be alone?
Ridiculous pearl clutching on this thread. Not everyone is a predator!

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