to not want a second child? dh does?

[epari]

So I have a just turned 2 year old.. I lost my second baby last year on dd birthday. (premature)

I really feel content with one child, and I always envisioned a larger gap, like 4-5 years, but dh is now starting to be on my case, that he wants us to try for another, so at least the minimum gap (given his plans) will be around 3 years or so.

Everyone else around me is having their second child close in age and telling me not to wait, as I might not conceive in the future etc and I'm doing an injustice to keep dd as an only. But I just don't want another child, I get broody about newborns and the fact I spent all day just cuddling dd, but I'm aware with a new baby, I won't get that same luxury as I will have dd1. But DH just wants another one.

I'm also basically a single mother in a marriage, so it's lucky for him to say that, when my daughter is quite indifferent to his presence.

Am I being unreasonable because technically it's a partnership so he gets a say too? Would I regret NOT having another?

[vikingwife]

Male Partner does no actual practical parenting to existing child

Existing child is female

Male partner wants more babies

Male partner wants son

Male partner is dickhead

[Gallacia]

If you feel that you're a single mother in a marriage then why care what he thinks? Why go ahead with something you don't want?

I don't get it.

[MinnieMountain]

Answering your original question- we chose to have 1 and are very happy. It's not compulsory to have 2

As to your H- what exactly is the point of him?

[Parmavioletmum]

Honestly. Don't do it with this 'man!' I was very much the same when I had my 1st. I was basically a single parent who was married. I left when my little one was about the same age as yours and can honestly say it was the best decision I ever made. It was only several years later when I met my current partner I was sure I wanted another child with him. I'd always envisioned having a 3/4 year age gap but knew I didn't want another one with DS dad. I had my DD with my partner and have almost a 10 year gap but it was the best decision I ever made, and has been totally different this time round.
If you aren't ready to leave i understand that but truly look at what will make you happy and you and your child deserve more! I ended up resentful of being a single parent while married and watching someone else do nothing, I much preferred being on my own.

[IdblowJonSnow]

Regardless of your 'D'H's input with your child, if you dont want to have a second then that's that surely? Why would his needs trump yours when you're the one doing everything?
Regardless of what many say, having two is not as easy as having one. In your shoes I would absolutely stick at one and double up on contraception as a PP suggested.
So sorry for your loss.

[Esspee]

I had our two children and when told by my husband he wanted at least another two I agreed on the condition he gave birth to the next two.

[WoollyMammouth]

Why does he want another child when he spends no time with the first one?

[zscaler]

I agree - you would be mad to have another child with an unsupportive husband who doesn’t parent. Feel free to start telling him you aren’t having another child to make him happy when he won’t even parent the one he has.

[dottiedodah]

WTAF?! He sounds bloody lazy and selfish to me .Do not risk pregnancy at all with this man .you will regret it .If he doesnt pull his finger out ,think about leaving him .Another child is totally out of the question!

[lottiegarbanzo]

He wouldn't 'get a say' in what you do with your body, even if he was dad of the year. You'd have a conversation about it, certainly. There is no part of 'fairness' that allows him to make you have a baby you don't want.

[lottiegarbanzo]

And I don't think there is a perfect age gap. All have pluses and minuses. I can completely understand your point, that if your dd is at school, you'd have more time to focus your attention on a new baby and get one-to-one time with them.

But, whether you want any other baby with a lazy, indifferent parent is another question.

[Mintjulia]

Definitely not. You don’t sound happy, and he’s not working so he may be depressed and his decision making may be all over the place.

Leave it until he’s been working again for at least six months and then see how YOU feel.

[WoollyMammouth]

Have you spoken to him about his sleeping and general laziness? The fact that your DD is indifferent is really sad and speaks volumes.