to not want a second child? dh does?

[epari]

So I have a just turned 2 year old.. I lost my second baby last year on dd birthday. (premature)

I really feel content with one child, and I always envisioned a larger gap, like 4-5 years, but dh is now starting to be on my case, that he wants us to try for another, so at least the minimum gap (given his plans) will be around 3 years or so.

Everyone else around me is having their second child close in age and telling me not to wait, as I might not conceive in the future etc and I'm doing an injustice to keep dd as an only. But I just don't want another child, I get broody about newborns and the fact I spent all day just cuddling dd, but I'm aware with a new baby, I won't get that same luxury as I will have dd1. But DH just wants another one.

I'm also basically a single mother in a marriage, so it's lucky for him to say that, when my daughter is quite indifferent to his presence.

Am I being unreasonable because technically it's a partnership so he gets a say too? Would I regret NOT having another?

[WoollyMammouth]

Have you spoken to him about his sleeping and general laziness? The fact that your DD is indifferent is really sad and speaks volumes.

[Mintjulia]

Definitely not. You don’t sound happy, and he’s not working so he may be depressed and his decision making may be all over the place.

Leave it until he’s been working again for at least six months and then see how YOU feel.

[lottiegarbanzo]

And I don't think there is a perfect age gap. All have pluses and minuses. I can completely understand your point, that if your dd is at school, you'd have more time to focus your attention on a new baby and get one-to-one time with them.

But, whether you want any other baby with a lazy, indifferent parent is another question.

[lottiegarbanzo]

He wouldn't 'get a say' in what you do with your body, even if he was dad of the year. You'd have a conversation about it, certainly. There is no part of 'fairness' that allows him to make you have a baby you don't want.

[dottiedodah]

WTAF?! He sounds bloody lazy and selfish to me .Do not risk pregnancy at all with this man .you will regret it .If he doesnt pull his finger out ,think about leaving him .Another child is totally out of the question!

[zscaler]

I agree - you would be mad to have another child with an unsupportive husband who doesn’t parent. Feel free to start telling him you aren’t having another child to make him happy when he won’t even parent the one he has.

[WoollyMammouth]

Why does he want another child when he spends no time with the first one?

[Esspee]

I had our two children and when told by my husband he wanted at least another two I agreed on the condition he gave birth to the next two.

[IdblowJonSnow]

Regardless of your 'D'H's input with your child, if you dont want to have a second then that's that surely? Why would his needs trump yours when you're the one doing everything?
Regardless of what many say, having two is not as easy as having one. In your shoes I would absolutely stick at one and double up on contraception as a PP suggested.
So sorry for your loss.

[Parmavioletmum]

Honestly. Don't do it with this 'man!' I was very much the same when I had my 1st. I was basically a single parent who was married. I left when my little one was about the same age as yours and can honestly say it was the best decision I ever made. It was only several years later when I met my current partner I was sure I wanted another child with him. I'd always envisioned having a 3/4 year age gap but knew I didn't want another one with DS dad. I had my DD with my partner and have almost a 10 year gap but it was the best decision I ever made, and has been totally different this time round.
If you aren't ready to leave i understand that but truly look at what will make you happy and you and your child deserve more! I ended up resentful of being a single parent while married and watching someone else do nothing, I much preferred being on my own.

[MinnieMountain]

Answering your original question- we chose to have 1 and are very happy. It's not compulsory to have 2

As to your H- what exactly is the point of him?

[Gallacia]

If you feel that you're a single mother in a marriage then why care what he thinks? Why go ahead with something you don't want?

I don't get it.

[vikingwife]

Male Partner does no actual practical parenting to existing child

Existing child is female

Male partner wants more babies

Male partner wants son

Male partner is dickhead

[violetbunny]

You've already got a second child. Him

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

I'd actually reduce the family down to two, than up it to four

He sounds fucking useless.

[FizzyGreenWater]

And no this ‘partner’ gets no say as he’s not actually being a partner!

Even if he was, the one who doesn’t want a baby gets the final word.

I can’t believe he has even raised it. What an absolutely entitled bellend.

Hope you move on from this dick OP

[FizzyGreenWater]

‘Not until you make the vaguest effort to do some parenting of the child you already have. At this rate, if DD ever has a sibling, you sure as hell won’t be it’s father.’

[Aria2015]

You ask 'Am I being unreasonable because technically it's a partnership so he gets a say too?' But it's not really a partnership is it because he's not doing his share of parenting and working with you as a team to raise the child you do have. Given his current attitude, I don't think he deserves a say in whether or not you have more children. Go with your gut and don't be pushed into anything.

[BubblesBuddy]

If he hasn’t got a job then just don’t even consider it. Life could get tough and another baby won’t help at all. Stay as you are did the moment!

[Quartz2208]

yes I think you have a relationship issue and mght be happier without him

[backseatcookers]

If he spends no time with his existing child then what the fuck is his reasoning when you point this out?!

[indemMUND]

*from another girl who was the same age I was when I met him. I can't even arrange meetings with the girls because he went on to abuse the mother too and ruin that link. He's gone AWOL since. Go with your instinct and think about how much you can deal with alone.

[indemMUND]

For what it's worth I ended up as a single parent as DD's father turned out to be an abusive waster. I would never risk doing this alone again, as much as I adore DD. I always wanted a big family, lots of kids. He's provided her with a sibling for

[Lynda07]

Ah, is the all day sleeping a new thing? If that is the case, just tell him you won't consider another child until he is back at work and not sleeping his life away. This could be just a blip, he must be depressed about losing his job and worried about the future; sleep is escape but it can't last forever.

[indemMUND]

If he doesn't help parent then he doesn't get a say on putting you through another pregnancy and all the risks that go with that, never mind giving birth. And y'know caring for that child he wants day in day out with little support and equal responsibility. Ask him if he'd like you to work while he takes care of the child you already have. Minimum kind of flipped reality he might be able to envision. You shouldn't have to spell it out, but he should not be pushing a more complicated extension onto a situation that you're solely responsible for 23 hours and 50 minutes a day.