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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour has painted our and I mean our fence

303 replies

Endoftether2000 · 31/05/2020 19:04

Would I be unreasonable to go out and paint my fence. Scenario approx a year ago husband decided to replace all fences on both sides the original posts were wooden and had broken causing our garden to have props holding the right fence up. He went round to the neighbour who was relatively new and advised that he was replacing the fence with concrete gravel boards and posts. She advised that her side of the fence was OK to which my husband responded that if he removed the props that were straddling our garden the fence would fall down and was surprised she didn't know as the old neighbour was aware and advised my husband he would make the new buyer aware (as if he was going to stay he would have gone half's with us) so he agreed times and dates when the fence would be removed to no inconvenience to her or her garden. Fence was removed she then asked if she could have the fence for her wood burner so husband and people that were helping took the old fence round. She then knocked at our door and said that she had too much wood now and could he dispose of the excess which he did. She then paints said fence (we stained our side grey) she painted hers with dark brown stain which has ingressed but not too badly but painted the top of the fence brown when I had stained it grey which can only be seen from the bedroom so I could live with that. Then she hammers things to it only one screw yes screw not nail can be seen so can live with that. We are on the front garden today and notice behind the overgrown bushes which is our next project to tackle she has dark brown stained the section of wood that is the size of a tall gate that connects from our house to her garage and the small fence that is our border in dark brown stain on both sides the small fence being on our land. The section of wood and the fence are on our land so is this trespassing? I am tempted to go out and paint over it even if due to the colour I would have to use garden paint? Opinions appreciated. By the way I hate dark brown stain! Smile

OP posts:
strugglingwithdeciding · 31/05/2020 23:17

Quick google and seems you have to ask to paint the fence etc if belongs to your neighbours , who knew ?? Obviously never lived next door to petty neighbours , I understand paint can sometimes come through it normally not a lot and then you just touch up the bits
I have light grey fences as were dark brown and very small garden and the great looks great makes garden look bigger and now neighbours have done there's the same sort of colour as couldn't believe the difference it made .

hadtojoin · 31/05/2020 23:17

I would ask her why she painted your fence as she knew it was your fence and tell her that was not the colour you were intending to paint it and will have to paint it to cover up the brown. At the same time I would tell her that she is not allowed to screw things onto your fence.
I would be mad at her as well, especially as she climbed the fence to be able to paint it.
I think you should paint her garage as it faces your garden and see how she likes it.

PickAChew · 31/05/2020 23:21

We just painted a fence belonging to a neighbour and they were fine with it. No drama. We didn't hate the shade they'd used, so matched it, though.

Another neighbour paints their fence that garish orange colour. We're leaving that one plain and considering erecting our own fence behind it because it's falling down anyhow.

Endoftether2000 · 31/05/2020 23:25

The Fence painter out of curiosity choice is bluey grey with warm undertones or dog pooie brown so dark it looks like a mud bath?

OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 31/05/2020 23:27

"We were in the same position op. Our fence. We painted our side grey. Ndn painted her side brown. We had a solicitor instruct her not to touch our property.. She legally had to allow us onto her property to maintain the fence. I went round and painted it grey
🤣🤣🤣

The idea that not only did you do that but that you actually admit it out loud as though it's not the most ridiculous, pettiest thing ever blows my mind. You are the NDN on every MN thread 🤣

Jaxhog · 31/05/2020 23:27

Perhaps she thinks the fence she painted both sides of is HER fence? Along with the parts of the garden in front of it. I would talk to her about it and make it clear that it is YOUR fence, and you'll be painting your side the colour to match the rest of your fences.

TheFencePainter · 31/05/2020 23:28

@Endoftether2000 there is hell of a lot more colours than just these 2 😁

Jaxhog · 31/05/2020 23:29

We've also had this problem (only we wanted to keep the fence brown to match the rest of our fence panels). Our neighbour didn't like the brown so erected another fence on their side that was grey!

monkeymonkey2010 · 31/05/2020 23:31

don't let her take the piss! She's already done that with getting your DH to lug over wood and then take some back at her 'request' and with painting YOUR fence without asking/letting you know.

She's painting the other fencing too cos she wants it all to look like her fence.....also to deter you from painting your OWN fence, she's being manipulative.

Compare how you have treated her re the fence - and the way she's sneakily, deliberately trespassed onto your property to 'claim' your fence!

She's a pisstaker who took the piss out of you right after demanding the wood for her burner.....
Don't be a doormat OP!
I suggest you have a conversation with her NOW whilst it's all new and put her firmly in her place.......cos if you go to paint that fence a year down the line she will kick off saying she didn't know etc.

Sort this out now OP or you'll be creating a rod for your own back.

pictish · 31/05/2020 23:33

Why is grey so popular when we live in such a grey country anyway? It’s almost perpetually overcast here and for some reason people seek to add to the gloom with grey walls, grey kitchens and now grey fencing in the garden too.
I can see where the ‘French grey’ idea came from but it works over there because they have sunshine to counteract the gloom. It looks soft and tasteful in their climate. It’s just missed opportunity to inject a little cheer and warmth in ours.
Grey outside, grey inside, grey in the garden.

Tootsie321 · 31/05/2020 23:34

If I was Windy’s neighbour I would plant a fast growing hedge just in front of it, on my property. It would soon grow and hide the fence. Just a shame that Windy wouldn’t be able to get to the fence on my side to paint it ever again! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Furloughedpissedoff · 31/05/2020 23:36

I've power washed a fence before, and it removed most of the previous colour, if that helps.

BaronessBomburst · 31/05/2020 23:49

I have a grey fence. It's been that colour for donkeys years so hardly a fashion fad. It's weathered beautiful and sets off all the greens, reds, and purples in my garden.
Cresote brown would look awful with my colour scheme..

BaronessBomburst · 31/05/2020 23:52

Okay, point taken Pictish. It's pretty sunny where I live and therefore soft and tasteful. Grin

Smellbellina · 31/05/2020 23:55

Why is everyone painting everything grey? It’s a horrible colour!

RHRA · 31/05/2020 23:57

OP doesn’t need to have any sort of conversation with CF NDN if she doesn’t want to. The gate and fence is completely on OPs land and there’s nothing shared about it; there is no side facing NDN either. The NDN climbed over into OP’s garden to paint something nothing to do with her. At. All.
No way I’d be having a conversation with her, except to tell the cheeky bitch off if she dared to kick off.

Timesdone · 01/06/2020 00:05

Ever heard the expression “Live & let live”? Does it really matter? You don’t have to look at the other side, is it really anything to be bothered about?

Timesdone · 01/06/2020 00:07

Tootsie not just any old hedge, I think I’d go for pyracantha.

RogueV · 01/06/2020 00:10

7 pages in and I still have no idea

We need pics

Rose789 · 01/06/2020 00:17

This is like one of those god awful maths riddles that spring up. John has 8 apples, Sally has 4 apples. How many oranges does Bill have?
I tried to follow what was happening, but each time I think I’ve cracked it another post appears with no full stops that confuses me even more.
Op you are the very first person I’ve seen that has managed to confuse more people by posting a diagram. 😂 That takes some skill.
If you need to climb through bushes to take photos, presumably you also need to climb through bushes to see the brown stain? Maybe stop doing that?

Honkingallthewaytothebank · 01/06/2020 00:34

OP, sorry if I’ve missed this but who do the fences belong to on the deeds? I know your husband replaced both sides but I don’t think you’ve said which side belongs to you?

If that side is officially her property, she’s still a cheeky fucker for not speaking to you and for coming into your garden, but may be technically within her rights if on the deeds it’s her fence?

Nitpickpicnic · 01/06/2020 00:57

I agree that (whatever the colour, whatever the relationship) you should address this politely but firmly asap with a neighbour face-to-face chat.

My experience (7 fence negotiations in 6 years, don’t ask) is that it’s a slippery slope if you don’t address it early. Whether they are oblivious of the law/common courtesy, or CFs who do it on purpose to prove they are king. Either way, there’ll be more small transgressions once they get a taste for it. It’ll add up to real stress over the years.

Wish it weren’t true, but I’ve seen it too many times with too wide a variety of personalities/ages/etc. With great friends, complete strangers, and everyone in between. Nowadays I address it upfront, with a big smile and supporting documentation. I lay out what everyone’s rights are, I let them know my preferences and ask them theirs. I take notes. I keep in touch with any changes (mine & theirs) and talk budgets, tradespeople and cosmetic stuff (like paint) early on. Even then, I’m always always surprised by how much emotion is evident around fences. And how riled perfectly (otherwise) reasonable folk get over fences, and not getting every tiny thing their own way.

I’ve been sworn at in front my kids, suffered midnight fence raids where they changed it against the law, had mature boundary trees butchered, and had neighbours try to bribe contractors to build things ‘their way’ (and against the law). They can’t seem to understand that a ‘win’ today might mean years of bad feeling, with people they live metres away from. They do realise it afterwards, in most cases. Some just escalate forever. You know, the types who’ll enjoy whacking you over the head with any olive branch you offer?

Sorry for the long response- short version is go and talk to her. Be smiley but firm. Approach it as though it was an innocent mistake. Clarify what you’ll be doing now to your fence, who’s paying and what you expect in the future. End with ‘good neighbour relations are important to us, and to you too, we know’. Good luck!

agonyauntie2020 · 01/06/2020 01:31

@Rose789
This is like one of those god awful maths riddles that spring up. John has 8 apples, Sally has 4 apples. How many oranges does Bill have?
I tried to follow what was happening, but each time I think I’ve cracked it another post appears with no full stops that confuses me even more.
Op you are the very first person I’ve seen that has managed to confuse more people by posting a diagram. 😂 That takes some skill.
If you need to climb through bushes to take photos, presumably you also need to climb through bushes to see the brown stain? Maybe stop doing that?

Exactly what @Rose789 said.

1forAll74 · 01/06/2020 02:43

I can't think why you need to write about a neighbour and some fences on here. And,it was hard to follow your plight, with a wood burner thrown in, for good measure as well. Neighbour issues should be discussed with the neighbour.

understandmenow · 01/06/2020 02:57

I'm not sure which way to go here, I suppose I'm sitting on the fence!