Neglectful family or me?

[Ecclescakes20]

Hi,

I am hoping to gain some much needed perspective and difference in views. I’m 33, and have just had my first baby after being married last year.

It’s fair to say I’ve struggled financially since finishing university, and as we all do, have had some big and brutal bumps in the road. I had £2k of debt to pay, or the uni said I wouldnt get my degree. My parents refused to help, and my friends bailed me out.

Bumps range from losing jobs to having money stolen from me. I was also taken by a builder who bodged work on my house, and it’s taken my husband and his dad over a year to fix themselves, as we couldn’t afford more builders.

My parents, to be straight, are apparently wealthy. They own numerous houses and businesses, have a collection of expensive cars etc. They work hard, and have had good fortune.

My mum adopted my step fathers daughter recently, as her mother died which is obviously awful.

I also have a sister who is and has been a complete disaster area. Lurching from crisis to crisis. At one time she was nearly sectioned. It is all drama, she is perfectly well just loves drama and chaos.

The adopted sister is 18, and just finished school.

I have been told that if you want something in life, there are no handouts, go and earn it if you want it. This has been my path.

Over the years I feel more and more resentful to my parents. My sister seems to get her life remapped and fixed with every new drama, and recently has been bought a house and had it fully renovated for her. While she bought it from them for what they paid, she made a lot of money and has a lovely new home.

My house has leaked for over a year, and they haven’t even as much as phoned me about it. I spoke to my mum and she said they would give us some money to fix it, as I was pregnant and we really were in a bind.

This never materialised and have had to save and husband do the work himself.

The final straw came when my grandmother died, and I found out they had lied about inheritance. When questioned, they emailed me with a threat of legal action. I was 6 months pregnant. They bought the 18 year old a flat with my family money, and gave her a huge chunk of money, which was not in the will. We were told expressly that it was, and I feel duped by This man.

I want to know if I am being unreasonable, if I should be more adult and realise I am not their responsibility. I just feel that I am being laughed at, and it’s broken our relationship.

When I couldn’t take any more I opened up and told them all of this. They now say they don’t want to contact again, and will never see my son.

It’s heartbreaking but I just need some differing opinion as I am going out of my mind.

Please be kind, but please be honest.

Thanks

[dontdisturbmenow]

You come across asgrabby and entitled and massively resentful of your half sister. The way you refer to her is horrible.

Whether you like it or not your mother lives her like daughter and decided to adopt her. This is not something you do on a whim. It must be so hurtful to your mum that you have clearly not accepted her decision.

You are resentful and unkind about your other sister too and maybe, your mum and stepdad don't care much for your attitude and sense of entitlement.

I suspect they would have a very different story to tell.

[Booboostwo]

Is it possible that your mother treats your step-sister as her child which is why she wanted to make up the missing inheritance on behalf of her adopted daughter, while your step-father does not treat you as his child, which is why he only bought a flat for his daughter and not you?

Have you discussed the differing treatments with your mother?

[MzHz]

Op doesn’t sound grabby and mean, she sounds hurt.

Put yourself in her shoes for a second.

[Veterinari]

So there was no dodgy dealing in the will? It's just that you don't like your parents giving your SS a gift?

And your DSis has mental health issues severe enough to result in her almost being sectioned but you describe her as a drama llama?

You also clearly resent them for not paying your tuition fees (what about your student loan?)

I suspect this is a complex situation with many shades of grey and we've only heard your side. Even with that, you don't sound very nice...

[Aridane]

Op doesn’t sound grabby and mean, she sounds hurt.

You can be all three!

[Needtheadvice]

I can see that people that haven't been in this situation are rather clueless to what this is actually about. In my family my great-grandmother was a self-made millionaire running her own businesses and SHE was absolutely horrendous towards her children and grand-children! I got to meet her when I was little before she died but by then she was harmless as too old and ill. My DM the eldest and the youngest cousin where the favourites while my youngest DA was not worth anything to my GGM. All the other children between the eldest and the youngest where on different levels of attention, affection and gifts. My DM got property as did the youngest cousin gifted to them, the property my mum was given was used by her aunt, uncle and their 4 children for years before. Then she died and she left another property to the youngest cousin. The rest, except my youngest aunt who received nothing, received small heirlooms. The damage she inflicted on the family as a whole has taken years to repair and has lead to DGM taking unfair action to compensate for her DMs actions towards her youngest, resulting in my DM having her wedding present stolen and given to little sister by her mother and her parents buying a flat for little sister when in her 20s. My DM knows she was given a lot, not just the property, but as she pointed out that was not her fault as she was a child during most of it and the property was gifted early on and she didn't know that this wouldn't be done for all of the GCs. Resentment and the heartache has been felt by all due to GGMs actions long after her death, though it is better now as we can joke about the abusive granny and why none of us should give more to one than the other. My DM gives equal measures to each of us, if one gets £100 the other gets that as well. If there is 3 kids, it gets split 3 ways equally. The way OP is feeling is valid and nothing to do with greed, it's the feeling of difference and value and is not to be sniffed at. Relationships between siblings can be destroyed due to such behaviour from parents and doesn't matter if the children are young or adults.

[Aridane]

The only unfair thing here is the grandmother excluding her third granddaughter (the adopted one) from her will