Giving a baby my surname.

[potentiallyoutting]

I quite like my surname as it’s unique however it’s the name of my mums former husband (she wanted me to have the same name as her and my older sisters) - they’re now married and taken on their husbands names and my mum is getting married next year. My biological dad rarely popped into my life as a child and had zero relationship with him.

I’m now pregnant and not marrying my partner anytime soon (he doesn’t believe in it and I’m meh about it - I have my own property and income so I don’t particularly want to loose that if things go sour).

Now the baby I want to have my surname too but I feel strange giving it my family name when really it isn’t my name. I’ve always wanted to change my surname to my great-mother’s first name (great inspirational lady) as I feel she contributed a lot more than any forefathers.

My partner isn’t keen especially if we have a boy ‘William Margaret-Jones’ and while it’s non debatable not having the same name as a my child if push comes to shove I’d rather baby just have my name.

We're not married and won't be unless necessary for tax reasons. Our child has my mine. I wouldn't change my name on marriage and wouldn't have a different surname to my child, so he was always going to have my name regardless.

Fortunately my partner is totally fine with that.

*my name!

@Bluebell878275 I think it's seen as for patriarchal reasons if the father only wants his name used and refuses to "allow" the mother to include hers in any way. I don't think anyone is saying it's sexist for the father's surname to be included as well as the mother's, are they?

Why does it ALWAYS have to be for patriarchal reasons a Father wants to share his surname with his kid?

Well, he seems to be wanting it for sexist reasons, hence in the OP 'My partner isn’t keen especially if we have a boy ‘William Margaret-Jones’ '.

Bollocks to that.

Margaret May be an example but if not then it is actually an old surname!

Here's the link!

www.surnamedb.com/Surname/Margaret

If it is an example there are plenty of "female" names that are relatively common surnames. I work with a lot of elderly people who have what we would class as female names as their surnames (it can make the job more confusing I must say 😉)

Give the baby your surname. If you're using it, it's your name.

And protect yourself financially. You're not married, so don't give up your financial independence.

If you've had your surname since birth, it's your surname and you would be more than reasonable to keep it and pass it on to your child.

However, if you don't feel that you have a strong connection to the name and would like to change it to something else (for yourself and your child), go ahead.

I don't understand the "great-mother" thing? I'd be looking at surnames on the female side of the family and choosing the one I liked best. I wouldn't use a girl's first name as a surname, personally.

@thenamesarealltaken

If I'd thought it through I'd have swapped to my nan's last name and used that. You choose. It can always be changed later. I changed my daughter's at 4 adding my last name to her last name

Yes but if you change it later it won't be right on the birth certificate.

So change your name to your great grandmothers and give you and baby that name.

I dunno, it just seems like (on here, anyway) that if there is even a hint of a father wanting his kid to have his surname it must be because of controlling, ownership reasons. I don't think either parent should insist one way or another..it's a joint decision.
My impression from the OP is the father is not keen on the surname suggestion because he doesn't actually like it rather than sexist reasons?

Well, he seems to be wanting it for sexist reasons, hence in the OP 'My partner isn’t keen especially if we have a boy ‘William Margaret-Jones’

He doesn't want to give a boy a female name. Rightly so IMO, if it is indeed Margaret or something that is absolutely a female first name. It sound exactly like he's been given the middle name "Margaret".

It sounds like he is just against the "female first name" bit rather than the double barrelled surname As a whole.

100% same name as you. For practical reasons - school, Drs, travel. I wouldn’t want a different name to DD. I hate seeing z list celebrities young girls follow announcing baby dad’s name is on the way.

I wasn't playing the if you marry me game. I simply stated a fact of life to my MIL. The decision to marry came later and had nothing to do with the name my child had. I didn't see why his name should take priority over mine, MIL had made an incorrect assumption based on patriarchy. My upbringing did not follow that supposed cultural norm.

100% same name as you. For practical reasons - school, Drs, travel. I wouldn’t want a different name to DD. I hate seeing z list celebrities young girls follow announcing baby dad’s name is on the way.

This x1000

There are loads of female first names that are also surnames e.g Rose, Shirley, Tracey etc

Sounds a bit petty on his side but I would stick to your guns and go for it

@highmarkingsnowbile

I wouldn't give a child an unmarried partner's surname, no matter how much he 'wasn't keen' on that. I'd tell him I 'don't believe' in patriarchal concept of all children having the father's name the same way he 'doesn't believe' in marriage.

Stick to your guns. Change your name to the name you want. Give your baby that.

This. Totally.

He doesn't want to give a boy a female name.

We don't know that, the OP stated the William Margaret-Jones in quotation marks, so it's an example (can't see anyone actually using real names on here) and the Margaret-Jones is then, a hyphenated surname.

It's totally fine to give the baby your name - I'd recommend it. SHould you later decide to get married and change your name for some reason, you can swap the child's name too. But if you've given the child his name you caqn't later change it.

I'd give the baby your surname. I had different surnames to my children for the first 5 years, and it's surprising how often it makes life easier having the same name. Travelling for example!

My regret is (a) not retaining my maiden name as part of my name and (b) not adding my name to my children's names.

Going through relationship issues at the moment that I don't know whether will end up in divorce.

One thing that makes me sad is that if we divorce I will have to keep my married name if I want the same surname as my children (which I do).

So OP, given that you're not even married don't give the child your partner's name. If you want to compromise then the child can have his name as a middle name.

Your name is your name. It doesn't matter what name your biological father has, that's not your name. Give your child your name.

I may be reading it wrong but I don't think the partner particularly wants the baby to have his name. It's the specific surname she wants to give him that he is objecting to.

He doesn't want to give a boy a female name.

We don't know that,

We kind of do. It's unlikely the 'great-mother' was called Fred.

Op could you zhen4 your surname to your grans surname rather than her first name? I I do think William Margaret-Jones will sound like he's got a girls name to the kids in school