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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am feeling bad for spoiling DH's birthday yesterday by being a tad grumpy but can I tell you why and then you tell WIBU?

45 replies

MegaLegs · 21/09/2007 13:13

Three birthdays in a row this week, my dad, DS1 and DH's, have therefore rushed about getting cards, pressies and cakes. Lots of visiters, lots of cups of tea, washing up not to mention late nights so ratty children to contend with. I have a streaming cold which I am covering up with Beechams and telling everyone it's hayfever. Plus all the usual busy stuff we do anyway.

Soooo, last night last of the well wishers leave and kids in bed for 8.30. Light fire, open wine sit, steaks on the fire to cook, all lovely, no telly, a good conversation which rarely happens between us these days. Phone rings, I answer, friend of DH's who he sees or speaks to atleast once a week, polite chat tell him I'll get the birthday boy, friend doesn't even realise it is DH's birthday, right I'll get to the point. DH proceeds to chat to this friend for just under half an hour, about nothing imparticular, despite me waving tongs at him and pointing at steaks and making I am starving gestures.

I was miffed, planned cosy evening spoilt, he thought I was cross about the steak being overcooked not the fact that he didn't tell his friend we were 'busy 'and he'd call him another time, but he couldn't see that.

Tried to be jovial but blimey is it just me or was that thoughtless.

OP posts:
Isababel · 21/09/2007 13:17

I think it is not unreasonable, but I'm a woman, if I were a man I would be saying "It's just a steak!"

NAB3 · 21/09/2007 13:19

Men don't think in the same way we do but how on earth did he talk for half an hour about nothing??? That's our job.

AuntJetPetunia · 21/09/2007 13:20

YANBU. Bloody men.

bozza · 21/09/2007 13:21

Why are you pretending your cold is hayfever?

MegaLegs · 21/09/2007 13:21

That's it Isababel - he though I was worried about the steak, I told him I didn't care about the steak but he couldn't understand why I was upset.

I told him if it had been one of my friends I would have told her I'd call her back as we were having a special eve.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 21/09/2007 13:21

YABU just a little. It was his birthday and if he wanted to chat for the entire evening to his mates I'm afraid you'd have to grin and bear it. And it was less than half an hour so you did have the whole evening together afterwards.

However I do sympathise as it sounds as if it's been a marathon week for you with the cold and all ....

MegaLegs · 21/09/2007 13:22

bozza - because I am not allowed to be ill.

OP posts:
MegaLegs · 21/09/2007 13:24

You are right it was his birthday but the friend ringing didn't know it was his birthday and was phoning for some other reason. He sees or speaks to that friend every week. If it had been an old mate from Australia or something I'd have understood.

OP posts:
MadMumsy · 21/09/2007 13:26

Oh MegaLegs how I can relate to you. If I am on the phone I get hand signals, interruptions and everything else - if he is on the phone he asks how they are and it goes on for ages and he completely ignores me. So what if it was HIS birthday. YOU had gone to all the trouble of getting the children in bed so that you could spend some time together ALONE.

I am with you all the way - give him a hard time.

MegaLegs · 21/09/2007 13:27

I had made a special trip to get the steak aswell.

Thanks MM

OP posts:
Soph73 · 21/09/2007 13:30

Yes and no! It was only for half an hour and it was his birthday and no because you were gesticulating madly about being hungry. However, you know men, subtlety is not going to work, ever. You should have just grabbed the phone, explained to his friend all the rude things you were about to do to DH as a birthday treat & hung up

MadMumsy · 21/09/2007 13:44

I think you should have started to undo your husbands trousers and got your evil way with him - that would have brought him back to his senses!!!! Hehehe

lilolilmanchester · 21/09/2007 13:50

brilliant MadMummy!

MadMumsy · 21/09/2007 13:53

How about starting to stip off!!! - Now you know where the name comes from - completely mad and always ready for a good laugh!!!!

MadMumsy · 21/09/2007 13:53

Whoops sorry should have read 'strip' - see getting all excited at the thought!!!!

motherinferior · 21/09/2007 13:56

I think you should have eaten your steak.

JossStick · 21/09/2007 15:50

and his

OrmIrian · 21/09/2007 15:51

Good idea!

Cappuccino · 21/09/2007 15:55

it was thoughtless

but it was his birthday

if he wanted to spend it talking to some friend you should have eaten your steak and ignored him

lljkk · 21/09/2007 18:48

It's the telephone, and the lack of multi-tasking genes on the Y-chromosone. Once DH is chatting to someone on the phone the house could burn down around him and he just wouldn't notice.

giraffeski · 21/09/2007 18:52

Message withdrawn

moondog · 21/09/2007 18:52

Yes,am envisioning cavelike dwelling.
I would have been well pissed off,birthday or not.

Lorayn · 21/09/2007 18:55

hmm, I would say you are beign slightly unreasonable, half an hour isnt that long IMO.
BUT I know where youre coming from, I cooked alovely dinner for myself and DP a little while ago, did my face etc, we had candles and music, the works, he spent the time playing some game on his pc whilst I was cooking,PAUSED HIS GAME, came to the table in his old tracky bottoms, ate his dinner and when I went to sit on the sofa (expecting hi to join me before we had dessert) he went and UNPAUSED his game!!!!
MEN

ChantillyLace · 21/09/2007 18:58

I'm afraid I think you are being unreasonable. It was his birthday, and the friend was probably feeling bad for not knowing that so felt he had to find more things to chat about to make up for it.
I do what I want on my birthday and for as long as I want and I afford the same respect to OH. It's their day, let them do with it as they will. As for the steaks, I'd have cut it up for him so he could eat one-handed and that way I could have got on with mine too!

oranges · 21/09/2007 19:01

No, its not acceptable to be on the phone during dinner, birthday or not. He could have called back.