AIBU for wanting to move because of neighbours?

[gdrcclmn]

I love my house so I hate the idea of moving but my neighbours are making it fairly unbearable around here atm. For a bit of a back story, usually they would be fine, a few loud parties each year and loud children, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Since we've been in lockdown they have been all spending a lot more time outside the front of our houses. We live in a bowl shape at the end of a drive, and maybe 15-20 people come out a few times a week. Drinking, playing games, playing loud dance music on sound systems, blocking the road for access in and out. During the week it carries on until about 11, weekends 1-2am. My partner is still working (key worker), I'm self employed wfh with a 4 year old.

We were invited out a couple times at the start (just before and on VE day) but it isn't our scene at all, we don't drink and he spends all day working outside so wants to be in to relax, so I just said "maybe, thank you" and obviously didn't go. Since then we've been labelled "miserable b*ards" for not joining in when my partner walked past, and it's making my anxiety ridiculous. I have a rescue dog who barks a lot out of fear from outside noise in the house so he's constantly barking and upset too.

Am I overreacting? I wish I could stop giving a shit and just let them crack on but I feel like I can't relax in my own home ATM, I can't even keep the windows open it's that loud.

Sounds awful OP. I don't blame you at all. Might it be temporary though? Lockdown combined with exceptional weather since March?

YANBU, I'd be the same, I'd want to move too. Your neighbours sound like very selfish, arrogant people who think anyone not up for their "fun" should be punished.

I'm really hoping it is temporary. We're ordering a takeout tonight and I know they won't be able to drive down to deliver it and even just the idea of my partner having to walk past them to get it is making me anxious!

They sound awful. Have you complained about them?

So you are talking about ALL your neighbours, not just one particular lot? Its happening in a lot of places, neighbours all coming out to sit in their front gardens/drives. And if this has only been happening during lock-down then I am sure it will stop soon.

No I haven't, although I've been tempted to. I was close to one of the times they blocked the road (with a giant slip and slide) because I was late to collect my partner from work but I thought it'd be obvious who complained (I'm the only one in the bowl who doesn't get involved) so I didn't want to draw more attention to myself. Theyve broken every lockdown rule on lots of occasions though, they've had family members round and were out hugging each other on the street. I have to drive past them all and it makes me feel so bloody awkward!

nd maybe 15-20 people come out a few times a week. Drinking, playing games, playing loud dance music on sound systems, blocking the road for access in and out. During the week it carries on until about 11, weekends 1-2am

What? This would drive me mad, I would be murderous with rage. They can't just have a party in the middle of the street night after night ffs.

I'd have no hesitation in calling the police and would put up with them hating me afterwards, but I get that you might prefer not to risk antagonise them and risk making things worse. Do you think they'd modify their behaviour if you explained that it was keeping your little boy awake, upsetting your dog and stopping your key worker husband from sleeping?

I wonder how the other neighbours who don't join in feel about it. If you're on chatting terms with any of the non-joiners, it might be worth sounding them out. It's possible that one of them might be prepared to approach them.

@HilaryBriss

So you are talking about ALL your neighbours, not just one particular lot? Its happening in a lot of places, neighbours all coming out to sit in their front gardens/drives. And if this has only been happening during lock-down then I am sure it will stop soon.

Yeah, it's all my neighbours. I live in a bowl shape so there's maybe 12 houses that all get involved?

I don't really want to talk to them, as soft as it sounds. If they're the sort of people to act like this without any consideration for anyone else, I don't think my words would make any different. We're just "miserable" for not wanting to join in.

No neighbours even close to me don't get involved. Both immediate neighbours next door call it a day a lot earlier than the others which I'm grateful for but there's no other non-attendees I can ally with!

I would definitely move if this carries on, unbearable and inconsiderate of them.

I'm really sorry about your situation. If only one of them had had the decency to knock on your door and at least ask if you were all ok with it and to let them know if it was too noisy or whatever, that would have atleast lessened the intimidating nature of it. You are right in this matter. It's an invasion of privacy, prevents you enjoying peace within your home, it's intimidating and unpleasant, and scares your poor dog too. it doesn't matter if there's a whole group of houses doing the same, walk with your head held high. Do report it. In the long term, yes move. But I personally would report it.

I feel for you OP. I'm in a similar situation but not quite as bad as yours.

I wouldn't blame you for moving, I certainly plan to.

Thanks @trellishead it definitely does feel very intimidating! I haven't spoken to most of them before other than I've taken in mail for them or vice versa, but I doubt we'll speak again now. I'll try the walking with my head high thing!

I totally understand where you're coming from OP. We've had neighbours from hell move in next door, to the point I have a safer neighbourhood team officer coming around tomorrow to take a statement about their threatening behaviour.

I love my house but I want to move as well. Unmumsnetty hugs to you.

We had awful problems with the neighbours kids playing football, full on full games, and smacking the ball against our house and cars. We asked them and their parents several times to stop but they didn't. This carried on for years unfortunately and only stopped when the boys grew out of wanting to do it anymore. However I do think that once lockdown has ended and they are all back at work this will ease for you, fingers crossed.

Complain , at least get their chav crucible moved to their bacvk garden.

This would be my worst nightmare op, really feel for you! I know all my neighbours but would never sit outside drinking with them day after day. We've got together occasionally for a special occasion like an anniversary party, and a quick chat if we see each other outside but that's it. Unless you're a massive extrovert I think most people would find your situation intolerable, it's horrible to feel so uncomfortable in your own street. I would be looking to move asap.

We have the same here although thankfully it is not all the neighbours joining in but the ones that do each invite about 4 other people so it becomes a full in party that goes on until early hours. Me and other half are still working so it is really starting to grind us down (happens 2 or 3 nights a week). Looking forward to them all going back to work to be honest so the evenings become quieter - also they will probably be mixing with less people at work!

Urgh, I'm with you.

There's an 18 year old girl living in the flat underneath mine (her mum is supposed to live here too but I rarely see her), and every night there are gangs of lads, around 8-10 at a time, screaming, shouting, banging the main doors, smoking weed in the main hall, blasting shitty music, banging everyone's doors at 5am :(

I've reported reported reported until I'm blue in the face and nothing ever changes.

I got called a slag by one of them for absolutely no reason when I came home the other day, and I had a 4 year old with me . I had to step over them all to walk up the stairs that they were sitting on, whilst humiliated and terrified.

I'm terrified of going out or coming back, I really feel for you. It's absolutely horrible having to feel so scared in the place where you're meant to feel the safest.

I’d wait to see how they are after lockdown. And if they don’t change, then move. You’re not going to change them if there’s loads of them all partying together

Oh gosh @PennyNotSoWise that sounds awful! Hope things improve soon.

I really feel for you OP. We are in a similar situation with selfish neighbours who are just about bearable at the best of times but since lock down have been a royal pain in the arse. I love my house, but I need to get away from these people or else I think I'm really going to lose it. Currently doing the house up to sell in the near future which is a shame as I feel we are just making the house nice for the next people and we wont get to enjoy it ourselves. Neighbours can make your life a misery. Fingers crossed the cretins crawl back under their rocks once lockdown is over!

We moved because of neighbours and it changed my life. It was liberating and numerous times since lockdown I've felt so grateful that we did.

Pray for rain, god knows we need it. This weather will break eventually, meanwhile start looking on rightmove. This would drive me nuts. I socialise with one elderly neighbour but simply am not interested in palling up with the others. We too are in a bowl shape, your experience would drive me crazy.

Thanks @gdrcclmn, wishing the same for you too.