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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for wanting to move because of neighbours?

47 replies

gdrcclmn · 30/05/2020 18:15

I love my house so I hate the idea of moving but my neighbours are making it fairly unbearable around here atm. For a bit of a back story, usually they would be fine, a few loud parties each year and loud children, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Since we've been in lockdown they have been all spending a lot more time outside the front of our houses. We live in a bowl shape at the end of a drive, and maybe 15-20 people come out a few times a week. Drinking, playing games, playing loud dance music on sound systems, blocking the road for access in and out. During the week it carries on until about 11, weekends 1-2am. My partner is still working (key worker), I'm self employed wfh with a 4 year old.

We were invited out a couple times at the start (just before and on VE day) but it isn't our scene at all, we don't drink and he spends all day working outside so wants to be in to relax, so I just said "maybe, thank you" and obviously didn't go. Since then we've been labelled "miserable b*ards" for not joining in when my partner walked past, and it's making my anxiety ridiculous. I have a rescue dog who barks a lot out of fear from outside noise in the house so he's constantly barking and upset too.

Am I overreacting? I wish I could stop giving a shit and just let them crack on but I feel like I can't relax in my own home ATM, I can't even keep the windows open it's that loud.

OP posts:

JojoLapin · 30/05/2020 20:17

I moved from a great house because of hideous neighbours who were constantly loud and inconsiderate. I would avoid being home as much as possible as it was really stressing me up. I often think of what a nightmare it would have been to be stuck at home in the last 11 weeks with their constant racket. Moving away was the best decision I ever made.

PersephoneandHades · 30/05/2020 20:21

You need to start making formal complaints; I wouldn’t suggest talking to them as considerate people would never do what they’re doing

Samtsirch · 30/05/2020 20:31

I don’t think you are overreacting it must be awful for you but if you really love your home I wouldn’t rush into moving, as others have said things will probably settle down once lockdown is over properly (🤞) and people are back to work / normal routines etc.

Gingerkittykat · 30/05/2020 20:41

Do you all own or rent?

I moved because of shitty neighbours and it makes a massive difference living with nice, calm people around me.

highmarkingsnowbile · 30/05/2020 20:49

I've moved from rentals several times due to shit neighbours. When we were looking to buy I'd drive by the place several times throughout the day and night to check for noisy neighbours, I'd been so scarred by past experiences.

DustyD2 · 30/05/2020 20:49

We also have suffered through loud, rude, inconsiderate neighbours. Like someone else I dreaded going home after work. Moving was the best thing we ever did. We actually moved out and rented while we finished refurbishing the house we bought, which seemed like madness but the house sold quickly and the fewer the number of viewings the less chance the neighbours had to make a noise and risk our sale! Don't make a formal complaint if you are planning to sell though.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 30/05/2020 20:53

We lived somewhere like this, it was our first home and we were early 20s and a bit shy! They all had children and obviously knew each other very well, we didn’t go to a few street events and were labelled miserable and unsociable (probably correctly but so what?). It got the point even the children would be rude to me if they saw me leave the house. We moved! It was making our lives miserable. We now have a smaller house but it’s a lovely area with mostly great neighbours. I’m so glad we moved before we had children!

DustyD2 · 30/05/2020 20:53

I should add, we moved out and rented because I couldn't live there any more! The poor lady the other side of the noisy house had a breakdown because of it but even though we made complaints to the police, council etc nothing was ever done. Life is too short to suffer this in your own home.

And yes to the drive by of the new place someone else suggested

Bluetrews25 · 30/05/2020 20:55

OK, you might hate me for this, but here goes.
They are calling you miserable bastards because they see you as standoffish and superior because you don't join in. (Not saying you are like this, just that this is how you are seen.)
Next time there is an event, can you drag your DH out there with you, take soft drinks (tell them you don't drink because it makes you sick, or whatever), but sit out for an hour or two and have a chat with them? Try to make friends.
Then this could make you 'one of them'. And the bad vibes might lessen.
I know this demands a great deal of bravery.
Either way, this will likely stop with lockdown ending, if it ever does....

CourtneyLurve · 30/05/2020 21:04

According to The Times, Rightmove had its highest number of site visits ever this week. So, I don't think you're the only one!

highmarkingsnowbile · 30/05/2020 21:08

but the house sold quickly and the fewer the number of viewings the less chance the neighbours had to make a noise and risk our sale! Don't make a formal complaint if you are planning to sell though.

This is why when you're looking to buy a house, drive by and park up near the house a lot, at different times of the day/night/weekends so you don't end up buying someone else's problem.

KingOfDogShite · 30/05/2020 21:13

Agree with that ^ I’ve stalked the neighbourhoods of both houses I’ve ever bought at all sorts of weird times to try and get wind of the neighbour situation.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 30/05/2020 21:29

@Bluetrews25 makes sense .
These people (I live among similar) respect you if you join in their , um, festivities , even for an hour or so. I am not a snob but there is a sort of person . Grew up and still live on a council estate .
Often their bark is worse than their bite as well OP . Good Luck.
I would try what Bluetrews suggests .

Original poster

gdrcclmn · 31/05/2020 09:37

@Bluetrews25

OK, you might hate me for this, but here goes. They are calling you miserable bastards because they see you as standoffish and superior because you don't join in. (Not saying you are like this, just that this is how you are seen.) Next time there is an event, can you drag your DH out there with you, take soft drinks (tell them you don't drink because it makes you sick, or whatever), but sit out for an hour or two and have a chat with them? Try to make friends. Then this could make you 'one of them'. And the bad vibes might lessen. I know this demands a great deal of bravery. Either way, this will likely stop with lockdown ending, if it ever does....

No, I definitely understand this. I have anxiety that I'm now medicated for but I struggle in social situations, and have done for years. I'm often labelled a "b**ch" because if people say hello I'll just smile and say hello back, I can't just launch into a conversation with them. I'm a lot better one on one with people but I struggle in bigger crowds, even with people I've known for ten years.

But whereas I understand exactly where you're coming from, I really don't want to be "one of them", I just want to be able to enjoy my house in peace. They carried on blasting music outside in the street until gone midnight last night. They must surely realise that it's bloody roasting, and anyone who wants to sleep through it can't even have their window open? I woke countless times last night through a mixture of my room being a sweat box and them not being quieter. I have absolutely no desire at all to make friends with people like that.

OP posts:

ElsieMc · 31/05/2020 09:48

God this sounds awful op. You might like your house, but you simply cannot go on living like this. Honestly, it cannot get much worse can it? It seems like one set of alpha neighbours appears to have effectively given permission for them all to behave like this and they are following like sheep. It is a sort of pack and I can see why you are wary. Don't join in, it will be painfully awkward and you may get snarky comments making your anxiety worse.

We have horrible neighbours but in a sort of snobbish, middle class superior way. Yet their behaviour is in reality no better than what you describe - loud inconsiderate building works beginning at 6.30 am, running noisy businesses because the rules don't apply to them and any approach by others is viewed as "attacking them" or one elderly neighbour accused of "perving" on the woman. No, he really really hasnt. And I would like to move. It is really nothing like what you are suffering.

It is time to move on op. You cannot live in a house which causes you to suffer this much.

Bluetrews25 · 31/05/2020 10:23

I don't mean you need to become their new best friend.
Just act that you are friendly even if you don't feel like it.
Then this whole situation with the snide comments will stop.
But if you think moving house is easier than going out and pretending for a couple of hours then crack on!

FTMF30 · 31/05/2020 18:50

@Bluetrews25 Why are you getting in a strop at OP's response?
I see where you're coming from but if you suffer from anxiety, even the smallest interaction can be a minefield of self doubt and embarrassment.
She also shouldn't have to pander to what the neighbours want her to do. People should be kind and considerate and let people live get on with their own lives.
No need for the sar astic emoji at all.

Bluetrews25 · 31/05/2020 19:11

It's the confused emoji, which is what I was.
Peace and love. x

Superbadmom · 31/05/2020 19:15

To the OP - I read this and had to check I hadn't posted it myself! My neighbours are currently having a party at the front of our bowl shaped close while I sit inside with my family including my husband who is shielding and son who has ASD. I know that it it tough for people right now but this feels deliberate and spiteful. YANBU and I'm sorry that you have to go through something so similar.

Mrsbclinton · 31/05/2020 19:26

What a nightmare. They sound awful! I can understand why you would feel anxious. I would feel intimidated in the situation you have described.

Is disgraceful they are blocking access to your road. What would happen if emergency services had to access one of the houses?

Id say things will improve once lockdown restrictions are eased. It wont be long before they have a falling out..... It always happens in these scenarios.

lululocks · 31/05/2020 19:32

I feel the same in regards to moving because of my neighbours. Lovely area, lovely house except for my neighbour who used to have parties until 6am and loud friends over has now moved in a women with 4 kids (into a 2 bed house). The parties have stopped and now it’s kids screaming and shouting day and night or them screaming at the kids.

No advice but I feel your pain.

RunningNinja79 · 31/05/2020 20:03

YANBU to want to move.

I did exactly that. We moved into our last house in 2005. Council house in a rough area. The adults were OK, but it was the kids of the street. We did consider that they would grow up, but the older ones were just teaching the younger ones and we couldn't see an end to it. One day during heavy snow they spent hours throwing snowballs at our house (we weren't the only ones targeted). I eventually couldn't go to the shop if the kids were out in the street. As it was a council house there was obviously no reason for us to be moved so we were placed in a low band for a house move.

Eventually in 2011 we were offered a house 60+ miles away in a different town and away from all our family and friends. We moved there. Best thing we ever did. We now live in a small village in the middle of nowhere. I still get a little nervous if I see a group of children hanging about even though I know that they are just being kids and wont care that I'm there.

Certainly worth it if possible.

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