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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inessential shopping AIBU?

79 replies

Rosieposy4 · 29/05/2020 22:34

DS2 recently graduated as a doctor and has started work as an FiY1 about 3 hours from home ( his uni placed them at their last placement hospital), in a hospital where no shops are within walking distance.
He is working a rolling rota of 3 days of 12h plus shifts on, then 3 days off. ( He is on a covid ward and has seen many deaths if relevant)
His copy of the BMJ ( a general medical journal) comes to our house, so each week on the way home from my weekly shopping trip I call into the garage ( go past it) and buy a packet of percy pigs , then call into the post office and send him the journal and the pigs ( he is tired on day 1 of rest, bored on days 2 and 3)
As the weeks go on the person in the garage has got more and more grumpy with me, and this week was full on “ is this all you are buying”
Am IBU sending my poor boy a packet of sweets each week?

OP posts:
countchocula · 29/05/2020 23:45

Like lots of people he prefers reading on paper rather than online ( he is lactose intolerant anyway)

Pardon?

BillysMyBunny · 29/05/2020 23:47

4 weeks ago you were breaking the stay at home/ essential shopping trips only guidance so I can see why he may have felt annoyed on the first occasion. You may feel it’s justified because your son is a doctor, you can’t buy the only brand of sweets he lies anywhere else, you’ve already had covid and you’re waking past the shop anyway but the cashier doesn’t know that. He probably encounters lots of people like you just buying one or two non-essential items, all no doubt with their own justification, and probably feels frustrated they’re all putting him at risk. I say this as somebody who stopped at the shop just to buy a single ice-lolly a couple of weeks ago; I justified it as I’m a key worker and was passing on my way to work a 10-hour shift on a hot day knowing I’d be stuck in uncomfortable PPE with a face-mask on for the duration so I felt I deserved the treat, but obviously the cashiers wouldn’t know that.

The fact you buy the same item every week may seem even more frustrating as it’s a routine so clearly a premeditated purchase and so with a bit of thought it would be easy to bulk-buy and reduce your trip from once a week to once a month. I can understand why he may have snapped, it’s likely a build up of his frustration with lots of shoppers he sees as making unnecessary trips and potentially demonstrating other thoughtless behaviours like standing too close to him at the till, touching things on shelves they don’t want to purchase, abandoning trolleys etc and other things that make his job both harder and riskier. I wouldn’t take it personally but I would bulk-buy as many packets as you can next time so you don’t have to make the trip so often moving forward.

Institutkarite · 29/05/2020 23:47

@Mnthrowaway20202
The fact that you’re a key worker that has had covid makes it worse. You’re at a higher risk of carrying and spreading the virus - just think of how many people in public you came across before realising you were a carrier, particularly if you were doing things like this.
Have you always been slightly strange or has your lunacy increased lately? Have you always been a harbinger of doom?
@Rosieposy4, just carry on and ignore the doomsayers

TimeWastingButFun · 29/05/2020 23:48

I don't think the content or quantity of the shopping has been dictated, but obviously it's much better if you can add it to your weekly shop, or if you don't shop there usually then buy ten weeks' worth in one go - same cost.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/05/2020 23:48

Does the BMJ come out weekly? The BDJ doesn’t - think it is just monthly or twice monthly at most. Agree that you should send a box of Percy pigs. Plus, it would really be best if he could just have the journal sent to his house or read online. It is unnecessary handling for the postal service. It is not a journal that needs to be read immediately on receipt (wild understatement) so maybe you could just save up a month’s worth and send monthly if you still want to. If he is desperate to read it, he can just read online. In a few months, he’ll just chuck them in a pile like everyone else after a quick look at the index

I don’t think it’s relevant what word he is on or how many deaths he has observed - in fact, I think it’s quite distasteful to include that TBH

catspyjamas123 · 29/05/2020 23:48

Why is a doctor a big sweet eater? They are always telling us not to eat sweets! And Percy Pigs too - about the worst you can eat.

Pipandmum · 29/05/2020 23:48

My son went and bought a single can of coke the other day. He just needed to get out of the house for a bit.
I think you are reading too much in to the cashiers attitude. They probably could not care less what you buy.

GabsAlot · 29/05/2020 23:48

weird place we have some threads where popping into the shop for a bar of chocolat and everyones like yeah why not and this one where u cant go t a garage on your way somewhere for some sweets without the lynch mob turning up

MrsEricBana · 29/05/2020 23:53

Lynch mob? Really? Oh yeah, sorry, just do what you want OP.

WorraLiberty · 29/05/2020 23:53

So long story short

"AIBU to send my son a magazine and some sweets"

No, YANBU but I agree with PP who said these threads are tedious now. No-one really cares as long as you're socially distancing.

Original poster
Rosieposy4 · 29/05/2020 23:54

Yeah Billys absolutely right, I literally hadn’t thought about that ( no idea why) blame it on covid stress, but next time I am in will buy half a dozen packets and job done

OP posts:
Eckhart · 29/05/2020 23:55

@catspyjamas123

And Percy Pigs too - about the worst you can eat

Are they? How come?

Cherrygirl3 · 29/05/2020 23:57

I would by the Percy Pigs from a different outlet in future. The shopkeeper clearly doesn't value your custom.

ProsperTheBear · 29/05/2020 23:57

In which country are you? In England, schools and shops are reopening, we're done with the guidelines! No one cares anymore, it's over. Even cinemas have announced they are reopening too.

Popc0rn · 29/05/2020 23:58

@ProsperTheBear

Is that a genuine "it's over", or a sarcastic one?

Trumpetpants · 29/05/2020 23:58

Garages sell Percy Pigs! Wow thought it was just in M&S.
Feel a need to fill the car up...

changeitupagain · 29/05/2020 23:59

@OP

YABU to buy and send him Percy pigs, they are gross sweets and by buying them you are contributing to the demand of such heinous items. There are a plethora of of better sweets out there to choose from, send you son something nicer Grin

YANBU at all for making a weekly trip to buy them. I bloody hate the shopping police. If you go in multiple times to buy one item repeatedly you're making unnecessary trips but if you bulk buy you're contributing to the stock piling/panic buying problem and by buying so many at once you're depriving someone else of getting one of that item. You can't win with some people and I say ignore them all.

Lockdown is being eased, we're allowed out for non-essential trips. Continue what you're doing, it's a lovely thing to do for your son. Next time the cashier makes a pointed personal remark smile sweetly and say if they have a problem with you you'd happily deal with their manager instead.

Honestly, the curtain twitching control freaks need to get a grip and find something interesting plot do in their own lives so they don't have to police and comment on others.

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2020 00:00

I'd ask the cashier in very loud voice if they have a problem with me buying sweets for my Dr. son who is working on a covid word. Then I'd stand back & watch the shit squirm their way out of it.

Why would they squirm? Confused

Are mothers of 'Dr.son's on covid wards' less likely to pass on infection?

CJsGoldfish · 30/05/2020 00:02

I'd ask the cashier in very loud voice if they have a problem with me buying sweets for my Dr. son who is working on a covid word. Then I'd stand back & watch the shit squirm their way out of it
🤣🤣🤣
THOSE kinds of people are the best, in the worst kind of way. Yeah, be like that OP. It really isn't enough that you do it in writing?

TBH, the dude is probably just sick of you not buying anything else and it has absolutely nothing to do with you buying your 'poor boy a packet of sweets each week' All a big non event really.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 30/05/2020 00:12

Did your son not encounter deaths as a med student?

I just think its an odd thing to say - death is death , whether youve seen one or two, or many more as a HCP , the impact is the same its not cumulative.

Also as an F1 in his first job he will be very well looked after and protected by experienced nurses .

Sadie789 · 30/05/2020 00:15

I would wonder why the garage owner is being grumpy about people buying stuff from him in a time when many others are not able to earn money and their businesses are shut.

And I would take my custom elsewhere.

nettie434 · 30/05/2020 00:15

Wow! You have had some very mean replies RosiePosey4. Presumably the assistant in the garage is behind a screen or wearing a visor. Even if they are not, very early on in lockdown, Gloucestershire police told some shoppers they could not just buy Easter eggs. A government spokesperson then made it totally clear that everyone was free to buy what they wanted in shops that were allowed to be open and that the police were out of order. That's why I think YANBU and that you have just been unlucky with your choice of garage.

I read their comments as 'Why aren't you buying loads of petrol and magazines' and totally un-Covid related. After all, who would say, 'If you are going to transmit coronavirus to me, I will feel better about it if you have just spent lots of money?'

I think it is a lovely thing to do and I am sure it improves your son's quality of life. I expect most garages have sold less petrol with lock down and perhaps the cashier is irritated by small non petrol purchases.

OVienna · 30/05/2020 00:18

Is this a joke thread? Percy Pig reference vair suspicious....

DamnYankee · 30/05/2020 00:28

YANBU.
It's like a care package. Sending care packages is in a mom's job description. I loved them. Love to send them (when summer camps were open Sad )

Send one to the garage person.

Keep on keeping on.

We don't have "Percy Pigs" in the US. That name makes me laugh!

shinynewapple2020 · 30/05/2020 00:33

Perhaps the garage owner has been losing a lot of money through all the people who think they are only allowed out shopping once a week and can only buy the absolute essentials . He is probably just hoping that one day you will buy a magazine and a bottle of wine to go with the sweets .