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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inessential shopping AIBU?

79 replies

Rosieposy4 · 29/05/2020 22:34

DS2 recently graduated as a doctor and has started work as an FiY1 about 3 hours from home ( his uni placed them at their last placement hospital), in a hospital where no shops are within walking distance.
He is working a rolling rota of 3 days of 12h plus shifts on, then 3 days off. ( He is on a covid ward and has seen many deaths if relevant)
His copy of the BMJ ( a general medical journal) comes to our house, so each week on the way home from my weekly shopping trip I call into the garage ( go past it) and buy a packet of percy pigs , then call into the post office and send him the journal and the pigs ( he is tired on day 1 of rest, bored on days 2 and 3)
As the weeks go on the person in the garage has got more and more grumpy with me, and this week was full on “ is this all you are buying”
Am IBU sending my poor boy a packet of sweets each week?

OP posts:

Gustavo1 · 29/05/2020 23:10

I think you should buy one bag every week, why not? It’s “allowed”.
If the cashier is rude, smile and “hmm” every time. None of his/her business.

IloveParmaViolets · 29/05/2020 23:10

I'd ask the cashier in very loud voice if they have a problem with me buying sweets for my Dr. son who is working on a covid word. Then I'd stand back & watch the shit squirm their way out of it.

IloveParmaViolets · 29/05/2020 23:11

Ward not word ffs

Bbq1 · 29/05/2020 23:11

I think this kind of question was flying around about 2 months ago. Now, lockdown restrictions have eased, we can meet 6 people from 6 different households and some non essential shops like garden centres have opened I don't think anyone minds where and when everyone else is shopping now. Tbh, I find it hard to believe that any shopkeeper would challenge you on the amount you're buying. That has never happened to me.

winterisstillcoming · 29/05/2020 23:14

Actually OP, ask your son if it's ok. He's the one having to risk his own health and is dealing with the raw end of unnecessary visits. I reckon if he thinks YANBU, then go for it.

Mnthrowaway20202 · 29/05/2020 23:15

I think you’re unreasonable. We’re not in normal times where a nice little thing like this would be fine.

I’d feel really self conscious JUST buying a bag of sweets and I can see why staff get annoyed over such minor transactions during a pandemic. At one point it was “Essential purchases” only - to reduce the risk of transmission to shop staff, people coming in for 1 bag of sweets weekly drastically increases the amount of individual visits to the shop therefore placing the staff at higher risk of exposure. Lower overall visits = lower overall risk.

It’s clear the shop owner doesn’t want to risk the virus over customers buying 1 bag of sweets. The fact that you’re a key worker that has had covid makes it worse. You’re at a higher risk of carrying and spreading the virus - just think of how many people in public you came across before realising you were a carrier, particularly if you were doing things like this.

Either buy other items at the same time (inc bulk buying those sweets), but sweets from the supermarket or order him things off amazon instead. You can easily change the address for the magazine subscription and frankly the content is available online so posting anything to him is unnecessary.

Redwinestillfine · 29/05/2020 23:17

Go to a different Garage, let the owner know why. Some people shouldn't be in customer service.

Mintychoc1 · 29/05/2020 23:17

YANBU but why on earth would you keep stopping at the garage every week, rather than buying a load of Percy pigs and keeping them in the house?

callmeearly · 29/05/2020 23:18

People who work in shops are at increased risk. They get annoyed at non essential shopping because you are putting them in danger.

I understand your motivation but while we all see the NHS workers as front line. A lot of people don't see the shop workers.

At least multibuy the sweets.

LucilleBluth · 29/05/2020 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Rosieposy4 · 29/05/2020 23:22

winter he isn’t having unnecessary visitors, I have not seen him since he started work there. The sweets are by post.
Mynthrowaway as I have have had it I am am at much ( very much ) reduced risk of transmission.
I can’t get these sweets from the supermarket, he isn’t a big sweet eater but is fond of these piggies.

OP posts:

BillysMyBunny · 29/05/2020 23:23

I think if you were going to a shop just to buy Percy pigs at the start of lockdown that was a bit unreasonable - at that point transmission rates were thought to be high, most shops hadn’t put in place measures to protect cashiers and the rules were very much that we should stay at home and only enter shops for essential purchases. In that case it was unnecessary to enter a shop solely to buy a non-essential single bag of sweets, the sweets should have been bought in bulk to reduce shopping trips or bought as part of your usual weekly shop. The fact you’d already had COVID is irrelevant considering we didn’t yet know whether a recovered person had immunity or whether an immune person could still carry/ spread the virus.

However, for the last couple of weeks since the guidance has changed the rules are shopping have relaxed so most shops have measures in place to reduce risks to their staff and non-essential trips are fine so long as social distancing is maintained. It was unreasonable for the shop keeper to get annoyed with you if you’ve only been making non-essential trips for the last couple of weeks, but if you’ve been doing it much longer I can sort of understand why he may have finally snapped considering for the most part trips shopping we’re supposed to be for essentials only and a bag of sweets is clearly not essential and also not a perishable item that can’t be bulk bought. He may have felt you were putting him at risk by making unnecessary trips into the shop at the start of the crisis.

bonsaidragon · 29/05/2020 23:24

Why not buy sweets for him when you do your supermarket shop ?

SnoozyLou · 29/05/2020 23:24

If it were me, I’d go to the garage once every month or 2 and buy the pigs in bulk, and work out how much the postage is and buy several weeks worth in one go, then just pop a package in the postbox every week. That cuts out 2 unnecessary visits each week.

LadyFeliciaMontague · 29/05/2020 23:24

FFS
Almost fell for it.
Had a whole - I’m an nhs worker- post poised before I twigged.

Candyapple49 · 29/05/2020 23:26

Lots of mean comments here . Non essential shops are open , the beaches here are jammed packed , people are openly meeting without distancing but a shop keeper has a go over sweets . And yes , the whole email is relevant , because my god will that little moral boost do a lot for your son and I think this routine is valuable for you too , to know as his mum you are doing something for him .

Original poster

Rosieposy4 · 29/05/2020 23:27

Billys it has been for the past 4 weeks only, not during the whole of the crisis

OP posts:

Original poster

Rosieposy4 · 29/05/2020 23:31

Lady are you assuming I am a troll? Feel free to report if so rather than the snide comments.
I am a key worker, dh is a nhs consultant
2 of my dc are key workers including the dc mentioned below but feel free to assume it all made up 😳🤔

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 29/05/2020 23:33

He’s a newly qualified doctor who doesn’t read the bmj online? Hmmm okay. If his hospital is anything like ours he will have plenty of access to free food to be honest. All the yoghurt that should have gone on planes as part of airline meals come to us weekly, we have flour and essential for staff. Some free and some paid for. We also have thousands of Easter eggs that weren’t purchased due to lock down. All the staff in my trust are struggling to resist the yummy treats to be honest.
Anyway, guy was grumpy but you’re not breaking lockdown now. Before it was lessened you were but just do what the rest of us did when buying gin, pick up a pint of milk to

nicky7654 · 29/05/2020 23:39

I would make it a point to use the garage now! There's always going to be arseholes in this world so make a game out of it lol

Gwenhwyfar · 29/05/2020 23:40

"don’t really think i am risking infection as have had covid already myself "

Well that was quite a drip feed wasn't it.

ouch321 · 29/05/2020 23:42

What's the deal with these Percy Pig sweets?
They're always being mentioned on here.
What's so special about them?

MrsEricBana · 29/05/2020 23:43

Erm, of course yabu. You are exposing a shop worker unnecessarily to germs to buy one bag of sweets. He neither knows nor cares that they are for your son. He doesn't know you've had CV. Even if you've had it, germs could still be on your clothes. I would not go into a shop to buy one thing. As others have said, buy 6 bags at once.

Original poster

Rosieposy4 · 29/05/2020 23:43

mother he hasn’t mentioned any free food, but then again he isn’t the kind of person always on the make. Like lots of people he prefers reading on paper rather than online ( he is lactose intolerant anyway)
His hospital have been good to him, I am not criticising that, but when DH did his foundation year, a million years ago, he was working in a liver transplant ward and a few died ( regional referral centre and it was really new then), whereas ds2 has had loads of deaths in his first few weeks, and that is really hard. My job as a mum is to look after my dcs mental well being, even jf they are over 18.

OP posts:

TinyPigeon · 29/05/2020 23:44

Noone cares.

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