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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Needs reporting or not?

43 replies

Bigworldoutthere · 29/05/2020 11:45

Because of being on furlough and nice weather have been in the garden more. The garden at the back has 2 adults and 2 young (4-6ish) children m and f. I’m getting more and more concerned for the boy as I never hear a positive comment towards him. All the dialogue by 1 woman is so aggressively screamed/shouted ‘pack it in’ ‘get in here NOW’ ‘NO’‘stop’, ‘here NOW’. Never hear anything screamed at the girl. Obviously, it’s not the whole picture but when I’ve seen him and heard the shouting (not all the time) he’s been playing on a swing or with a ball - not doing anything obviously wrong. There is another adult there but never hear them. I’m feeling bad for the boy but maybe I’m ott but it’s been consistent for the last month or so that I’ve heard this.

OP posts:
Mo81 · 31/05/2020 11:38

I think we will need a few more details. Its a big deal to report someone there may be other things going on in the family that your not aware of . I agree that he shouldnt be spoken to aggressively though.

Ineedcoffee2345 · 31/05/2020 11:42

None of your business.

MarylandMayhem · 31/05/2020 11:44

Absolutely nothing will be done about a parent shouting things like "get in here now!".

catzrulz · 31/05/2020 11:50

I'd contact SW dept, there may be other things going on and they may be already aware of the family.
Better a day early than a day too late. Poor wee boy, if that's what she is like outside you've got to wonder what happens indoors.
We would much rather have a report, even anonymous, than a child at risk, no matter how small the risk.

Yesmate · 31/05/2020 11:53

Concerns are concerns. Something isn’t sitting right with you. We all have a duty to follow our instincts and speak for those who may not be able to speak for themselves.
Please report.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 31/05/2020 12:01

I would tread very carefully. All the evidence you have is a parent getting a bit shouty at an incredibly stressful time. I’m not saying there definitely isn’t anything wrong or that you shouldn’t keep an eye; just that, at the moment, there is very little to report.

CHIRIBAYA · 31/05/2020 12:07

Report to whom and what would they do? I agree with you that the parenting of the children sounds wholly inadequate but there is no authority anywhere that will intervene to protect them solely on the basis of what you have described.

Viviennemary · 31/05/2020 12:14

Doesn't sound that bad to me. I'm not in favour of pussyfooting genteel parenting. Even more irritating with a very badly behaved child.

bonsaidragon · 31/05/2020 12:16

You have no idea why they have to stop that or why they have to get in there right now. I yelled at my son to get downstairs right now when he was ignoring the smoke detector when the toaster caught fire a few years ago. I doubt I sounded that calm and measured after 3 times.

MistressGammon · 31/05/2020 12:16

To be fair that sounds pretty normal and I wouldn’t necessarily be worried just based on that.

PickUpAPickUpAPenguin · 31/05/2020 12:17

One of my children were told off more than the others for good reasons, "Come in here NOW" could be because he was supposed to tidy his mess up before he went out or something reasonable.

Saying that if all was not innocent then you'd never forgive yourself so you might want to make a report just in case.

FooFighter99 · 31/05/2020 12:18

I’d report it. It’s mental abuse by the sounds of it. At the very least, SS can do a welfare check and put your mind at ease.

I reported an incident a few months ago, witnessed an adult male seemingly assaulting a male child in the front of their car on the way to school one morning, they were behind me in the car so I could see them very clearly in my rear view mirror. And we were stuck in traffic so I was able to watch them for a fair while. It was horrific. I cried when I got to work, felt awful for not getting out the car and saying something, anything. Rang the school I though the boy attended, I’d made a note of the car reg. I ended up reporting to the police and they investigated. Not sure what came of it but SS got involved and the boy was spoken to, apparently his dad had been in “a bad mood” that morning.... So it may have been a one off, and it may have looked worse than it was, but I’m still glad I reported it.

We have instincts for a reason, don’t ignore yours.

Juliet2014 · 31/05/2020 12:18

You have nothing to report
Literally nothing
A woman talking sharply to her son

frasersmummy · 31/05/2020 12:23

Ffs it's not mental abuse

Live and let live. Parents are human. We have been in lockdown for 10 weeks. Nerves are frayed

@Bigworldoutthere.. Do you have kids and if so have you really never snapped at them

Crystal87 · 31/05/2020 12:25

I agree with above poster you have nothing to report. If he's being naughty or doing something dangerous then he should be told off.

formerbabe · 31/05/2020 12:31

I wouldn't report that.

People tell their children off.

My ds, whilst out, once muttered under his breath that I was an idiot. I turned round and asked him who on earth he thought he was speaking to and how dare he. I'm sure plenty of passers by wouldn't have heard him be so disrespectful to me thought I was an absolute monster for telling my ds off for seemingly nothing.

MintyMabel · 31/05/2020 12:32

I’d contact SW dept, there may be other things going on and they may be already aware of the family. Better a day early than a day too late

If we report every child being talked to sharply by their parents, SW are going to be deluged with calls, stretching an already overworked service. Then those kids who really are at risk of abuse won’t be given the attention they need. That’s the real risk here.

happystory · 31/05/2020 12:35

Based on that information, I wouldn't. My children were both very different and I hardly ever had to tell dd off, ds quite a lot!

Clancey · 31/05/2020 12:36

A woman that I knew would always shout oi you & get here to her two kids. If you didn't speak English you would've thought that they were the kids names. The kids didn't appear to be doing anything wrong, & the woman was OK, just a bit stressed I thought having to cope with 2 kids on her own.

TerrapinStation · 31/05/2020 12:38

@MintyMabel

I’d contact SW dept, there may be other things going on and they may be already aware of the family. Better a day early than a day too late

If we report every child being talked to sharply by their parents, SW are going to be deluged with calls, stretching an already overworked service. Then those kids who really are at risk of abuse won’t be given the attention they need. That’s the real risk here.

But how do we know which are the children at risk of abuse? The OP has heard something that has given her cause for concern, how can people who haven't heard it say she shouldn't be concerned?

I'd probably keep my eyes and ears open before making any decisions. Good that you're aware of a possible issue.

DFAMA · 31/05/2020 12:40

Going against the grain here to say that I would speak to someone about this - either the nspcc or social services if you have their contact details. You know absolutely nothing about the family other than what you've put here, for all you know they may already be open to social services and this could be very useful information for their social worker to support with. There may be other areas of concern that have already been reported and this is another piece of the puzzle or it may be nothing more than a stressed out parent dealing with bad behaviour in which case social services will do a few checks and leave them to it. Something is not sitting right with you and we have instincts for a reason.

Jimjamjong · 31/05/2020 12:40

It's one thing if she shouts at him once or twice but if it is repeated multiple times per day, yes I would report it. I would try to record it as well.

Flowersinthewild · 31/05/2020 12:44

Based on what you have said so far no I wouldn’t report anything. The incidents you have witnessed could be that the child was in time out for example and sneaked out to the swings so she was calling him back in. You don’t know how naughty the boy has been indoors. I think a lot of us talk sharply to our children when we have told they not to do something and they then do it. I know I have.
As for the little girl, maybe she does what she is told so that’s why you don’t see her being told off.
I would just keep a eye out in case their is a incident that does need reporting but at the moment I would sit tight. Smile

MintyMabel · 31/05/2020 13:00

But how do we know which are the children at risk of abuse? The OP has heard something that has given her cause for concern, how can people who haven't heard it say she shouldn't be concerned?

There is a difference between not agreeing with someone’s parenting choices and something being concerning. There is little evidence on what the OP has said that the child is in an abusive situation.

TheGreatWave · 31/05/2020 13:05

I'm not excusing the shouting, but DS has autism and I literally have to say the important words, so instead of "Put your shoes on please," it would be "Shoes, now" To outsiders it sounds awful, but it is what it has to be.