Needs reporting or not?

[Bigworldoutthere]

Because of being on furlough and nice weather have been in the garden more. The garden at the back has 2 adults and 2 young (4-6ish) children m and f. I’m getting more and more concerned for the boy as I never hear a positive comment towards him. All the dialogue by 1 woman is so aggressively screamed/shouted ‘pack it in’ ‘get in here NOW’ ‘NO’‘stop’, ‘here NOW’. Never hear anything screamed at the girl. Obviously, it’s not the whole picture but when I’ve seen him and heard the shouting (not all the time) he’s been playing on a swing or with a ball - not doing anything obviously wrong. There is another adult there but never hear them. I’m feeling bad for the boy but maybe I’m ott but it’s been consistent for the last month or so that I’ve heard this.

@MintyMabel

But how do we know which are the children at risk of abuse? The OP has heard something that has given her cause for concern, how can people who haven't heard it say she shouldn't be concerned?

There is a difference between not agreeing with someone’s parenting choices and something being concerning. There is little evidence on what the OP has said that the child is in an abusive situation.

The OP herself says she's concerned, no one on here is any position to whether her concerns are valid, how are you able to conclude that there's little evidence of abuse?

What possible harm could come from the OP keeping a watchful ear out for the child and being mindful of hearing over a sustained period of time verbal treatment that she feels could be a sign of something worse?

It’s mental abuse

Codswollop!

@Bigworldoutthere yes you're OTT

IF Pack it in & Get in here now are bothering you, I'd Strongly suggest you don't take up a career in social work.

I have many times,heard an angry parent, male or female,shout angry loud words to a child like this, not just in gardens, but in shops and eating places etc..

I would just keep being aware of things at the moment.

I think, I might be wrong, that the OP is concerned because it appears that the boy is being shouted at and she’s never heard the girl shouted at. Of course there may be good reason but if there’s not and you do nothing when you are concerned something is going on behind closed doors then how would you justify that to yourself. Step in. Call the NSPCC. You are concerned for a reason.

If she's screaming and swearing at him then yes. If, like your OP suggests, she is telling him off as he's not doing as he's told, then you would be very unreasonable to report. In fact it would make you a complete twat.

I'm inclined to agree with Yesmate. It's concerning when one child is being picked on and not the other. A call to the NSPCC is a good idea, you can never know if there's a backstory of issues with the family. And with schools having been closed, domestic abuse has escalated.

Normally teachers are able to pick up upon potential abuse within families, but a once a week call from the class teacher really isn't adequate. That makes it more important for neighbours to report any concerns they might have.

I worry my neighbours think this of me. I can imagine my voice doesn't carry the first two times I tell DD something, so they probably only ever hear me me speak to her on days where her listening ears aren't working and I have to tell her the third time, and raise my voice. I have to say those days have been more frequent lately.

So for me it would depend on whether you think you're missing the bits where he's spoken to normally, or if the shouting is the first and only communication.

Although, having re-read the OP, the DC might well be Reception or year 1, in which case they might be about to go back to school, which would mean that I wouldn't be nearly so concerned.

I'm really grateful that my DDs are much older, 11 and 8. It must be so stressful for parents of much younger DC. It might settle down a lot if the kids go back to school.

The OP herself says she's concerned, no one on here is any position to whether her concerns are valid, how are you able to conclude that there's little evidence of abuse?

How are you able to conclude there is?

If you are a parent who never raises your voice to a child, or not a parent at all, you might hear it and feel concerned but the reality is there are some parents who will. It is also true that it’s not uncommon for a child to go through a phase of being belligerent and it feels like you are on at them constantly for weeks, but it does pass. None of this is a sign of abuse just because the OP feels concerned.

Nothing wrong with OP keeping an eye out if she is that way inclined, but absolutely wrong on the basis of what’s being said to suggest a call to SW is in order.

I worry my neighbours think this of me. I can imagine my voice doesn't carry the first two times I tell DD something, so they probably only ever hear me me speak to her on days where her listening ears aren't working and I have to tell her the third time, and raise my voice. I have to say those days have been more frequent lately.

Exactly this. Nobody hears you asking nicely the first five times.

If I have to tell my four year old not to touch the damn fan once more, I'm going to lose my shit.

But my neighbours won't have heard me ask him the 1000 times before.

Sorry but no one will do anything.
I reported my neighbour for various things but social services told me they don't visit people any more (long before lockdown).

My neighbour is in an abusive relationship and the kids see the abuse, she gives them alcohol (one is only 3yrs old), screams and swears at them constantly, drives them around drunk, plus lots of other things. No one is interested in any of it so I doubt they'll be interested in someone telling their child off.

It's one thing if she shouts at him once or twice but if it is repeated multiple times per day really it’s that unusual during lockdown for kids for drive their parents crazy and have them shout. Maybe the boy is worse behaved. Honestly she never swore at her child, doesn’t sound overly aggressive - I think you either don’t have children or were blessed with ones that never missed behave to have such a dramatic response to this.

* It's one thing if she shouts at him once or twice but if it is repeated multiple times per day *

Best call SS on me then!

But as I write - I have one snuggled on my lap asking to do my hair.
And the other drawing my portrait.

So I think they’re ok

I have 2 small boys, one is constantly in need of reminding/distracting/intervention and during lockdown there has been more snapping by me because I am fed up with the constant repetition, yesterday I had to ask, then tell, then raise my voice repeatedly because he kept pretending he couldn't hear me. This is a mood he has.
As my youngest rarely needs to be reminded/distracted, I know at times my neighbours are listening to what sounds like me bullying one of my children.
I'm not. But I do end up saying the exact same phrases.

@juliet2014 *But as I write - I have one snuggled on my lap asking to do my hair.
And the other drawing my portrait.

So I think they’re ok*

This made me smile 😊