AIBU to stay in small house?

[Ajtraceyliveanddirect]

We bought of first house about 5 years ago. It is a typical "starter home", two bedroom period property but is like a tardis.

I feel societal pressure to 'upgrade' to a larger home, even though we have no children. I do look but larger homes in my area and in our budget are modern and we prefer old homes. There are a few things that aren't ideal but we have poured so much love (and money) and we are proud of our home. We have good neighbours and are in a central location.

But I keep getting asked when we are moving to somewhere bigger and I feel embarrassed that we aren't, and don't want to. We would essentially be doubling our mortgage for a third bedroom we don't need. Logically, it makes sense, so why do I feel like everyone is judging us?

Has anyone stayed in their first home?

Many people are going to be unemployed this time next year. Now is not the time to take on more borrowing. You are being very sensible.

Stay put and ask people why they're so invested!
Who keeps asking? This is really strange! In the vast majority of 3 bed houses the 3rd bedroom is a box anyway so would be ridiculous to move for that.
Surely they must either be envious, a bit thick or a snide way of asking about kids?

People are obsessed about 'moving up the ladder'' we stayed in our first home for 10 years, it was a perfect home, Edwardian Terrace wished we never moved the only reason we moved was job relocation to a completely different part of the country. Many of our friends kept moving to "bigger" houses .... we paid off our mortgage in our early 40s which gave us opportunities to take a year off for travelling, try self employment, seek career changes, reduce working hours etc.

I don't see why you would want to move if you are happy. Your current home sounds ideal in your present circumstances so pay no attention to those who are trying to influence you, it's none of their business. It might not be a bad idea to just tell them straight that you intend to stay put for the foreseeable, putting an end to their comments.

Embarrassment would be a terrible reason to buy a home you dont want.

If you are happy there and dont need extra room whats the deal? So many people seem to want the biggest house possible, and then spend so much time paying for it! Its not just a bigger M/G but also higher Council Tax and so on .Ignore them all!

We bought our first home in our later 30s. 3 Bed semi in a lovely area. We have no children and to be honest it's more than big enough for the two of us.
We have a manageable mortgage and bills that are fine to pay if needed on one wage. Also overpaying the mortgage.

We want to enjoy life and not be tied down to a huge mortgage just for the status of a bigger house, garage bigger garden etc. We can afford repairs and decor changes, holidays, meals out , concerts etc. (also saving and contributing to pensions).
I know lots of people in smaller houses, it's all they can afford even with a family. But they are fine.

It's your life OP you do what makes you happy.

We're the same - dh bought this house as a 'starter home' in 1996, I moved in a few years later and we never moved!

Our house sounds similar to yours but we have a 3rd bedroom in the attic and we now have 2 dc. There's plenty of room for the 4 of us (agree these houses are tardis like) and we're in a great location. However, we have no overnight guest space and a very small garden.

We're lucky enough to be mortgage free and we need the security that brings due to dh's health.

Nonetheless, we always get asked if we're moving, don't we want more outside space etc Like a pp said, to get a small amount of extra room we'd have to go several rungs up the property ladder and get a fairly large mortgage. It doesn't feel like value for money to do that for a slightly bigger garden and a guest room.

They want you to be mortgaged to the hilt like them. Bit like those that pester you to have kids do that you have to suffer too.
I have kids btw and we have stayed in our second house. Mortgage repaid in early 40s, no debts, lots of savings. Many of our peers are still paying large mortgages until they’re 60+. That’s fine but ours DC are teens, one lives away so didn’t need more space.

Why people can’t mind their own business I don’t know. I’d just say, ‘We’re quite happy here, thanks’ - through gritted teeth, if necessary.

We are also the same. We are a family of four in a small three bed semi. When I was pregnant with number 2 we were often asked if we were moving. We love the house for many reasons, it might be cramped when the children are bigger but we will manage. Incidentally we also have only ever had one car between us. I have always been asked why we don’t have two, when I say that it’s much cheaper for us to use taxis for the few times a year we both need the car then it is to actually have two on the drive they soon shut up.

OP, if you feel awkward, tell them you're not moving because it's greener to live in a smaller space and you're trying to minimise your carbon footprint. Put them on the back foot instead of you!

We are still living in the same house we bought together after marrying 30 years ago, 3 bed semi. We could have borrowed more and gone bigger but we wanted to be able to manage on one salary for a while when children came along. They never did but we are now mortgage free and we love our house.

Still live in my first home, a 2 bed Strikethrough: flat shoebox and we raised our girls here. Family/friends buying bigger and bigger homes, getting themselves into so much debt for it, constantly worrying about mortgages, about increased utility bills (heating a big one, one friend only heats one room in her house and layers up clothing/bedding etc, her house is so uncomfortable to be in as its bloody freezing), about higher council tax rates etc to the point it damages relationships (not just couples but with other people too sometimes). No thanks i didn't want that. We had the guilt tripping 'don't you want a bigger home/want a garden/ etc etc etc' be better for you, better for the girls, building an inheritance for them blah blah blah. Oh hell no you dont get to lay that on us, so we were stubborn, they gave up, we stayed put and twenty years on we still love it here and are happy. I can't say the same for those who tried to guilt trip us though, nothing is ever enough for them, nothing seems to make them happy. Don't be like them OP.
On the plus side, think of all the money you can save by not upscaling and put into an something like an ISA or hell just spend on niace things for yourselves.

Tell them you are going to move somewhere smaller as you are embracing the Tiny House movement - that will confuse them!

There is a good documentary on Netflix about Minimalism, which showed that in North American houses (which are huge) people spend virtually all their time in a small area of the house. The rest of the space they are paying for (mortgage/ rent, heating, furnishing, maintaining) but rarely using.

When we talked about moving to a cheaper area a friend immediately said "that's great, you will be able to afford a huge house there". It made me laugh as our plan was to move to a similar sized house and be mortgage free with savings in the bank. Which would improve our happiness levels far more than a huge house to clean/ furnish/ maintain/ pay for.

I would respond though, not just say nothing and feel bad. Tell them your house is the right size for you and you have no plans to upsize for the sake of it, you want to enjoy living in your current home. They are the ones being weird, not you!

I think people upgrade because they need more space. If you are happy and the space is not an issue. Do not feel social pressure to move. There are very big economic implications as well. Think what you can do will all money if you like travelling or any hobbies you like.

Just downsizing from a big house to a small one. Sick of cleaning it, sick of paying people too much to polish it, sick of worrying about it getting burgled when I go away. Nice to move to a lock up and leave house - can’t wait. Stay put OP. Might not be a great time to invest In property anyway - whilst mortgage rates are rock bottom - jobs are unstable and prices could easily crash further. I wouldn’t bother.

If you’re happy, you’re happy and have no need to incur the extra costs. If they keep bugging you, run the numbers through the calculators on money saving expert and say a box room would cost you £x over 20 years and it’s not worth it to you.

The one thing I would say though is that a bigger house would probably give more outdoor space, potentially better parking and privacy from neighbours. If I was in your situation, I’d be willing to upsize and pay extra for those things if a 3 bed in your area made a big difference to outdoor space but I wouldn’t if the only extra was a box room.

We have had immense pressure to upgrade and buy bigger from MIL. We are looking into it now, but we won't be increasing the mortgage. Instead we will be moving 300 miles away and won't be seeing her more than a few times a year. I hope all those comments were worth it for her.

Just to add to my post. During lockdown, we know of two other couples that are struggling and have had to take mortgage holidays for their big mortgages so that they can keep their big cars etc. What you see isn’t often owned, a lot is on credit so don’t feel pressure to get into debt if you’re happy. We own our house and cars and have holidays though not very expensive ones and although that may seem boring to some, we feel safe and secure and happy.

YANBU. If we weren't moving for work reasons (relocating) we wouldn't move out of our first home. We're planning to stay in our new home for a long time and will be spending a lot of time renovating it and making it ours, it'll mean that our girls have to share a smaller room than here but we'll partition it if they are that bothered as they grow up!

This idea of "upgrading" is just so ridiculous. I would rather have a small mortgage and a part time job that I enjoy as I reach retirement than a huge house I have to keep working in any job I can get to pay for!

We have been in the same situation, perfect location, perfect house for the 4 now 3 of us. If friends and family come for a meal it means a happy squash and a squeeze and air beds in the lounge for overnight stays. My mother thinks we need a spare bedroom ( the kids always happily gave up their bedrooms for her to stay in) and a proper dining room, but we don’t! Mortgage free from age 50.

Just laugh and make a comment along the lines of “why would I be stupid enough to take on a far big mortgage/debt than I need or want”.

It’s just rude for people to ask that. I would never dream of asking someone that.

What do they say when you reply "It's ideal for us and we love it"? Because I also wondered like @OwlinaTree, are they asking the children question in a roundabout way?

Short shift if so. That's even cheekier than the "house upgrade" query.