Those of you who are NC with their mums

[Cheesychili]

Just heard that she’s been taken to hospital, she had surgery and after a few days at home she had blood clot in her leg and was taken to hospital. My sister told me this. It’s a long story, I went NC with her because of bad childhood, physical and emotional abuse. She always put me down even as an adult, I moved away got married and kept contact to a minimum once every 2 weeks. Even then I had to mentally prepare myself to speak to her when she called. Went completely NC with her last year, she put me down again talking about how I haven’t achieved anything, I’m this and that. It was constant. I snapped, and just blocked her. Haven’t spoken to her since.

To those of you who are NC with your mum, would you reach out if she was ill at hospital? Or dying? What do you do? Tbh I have no emotional connection to her, she’s like a stranger to me and I have so much resentment and anger towards her from my bad childhood that I even find it difficult to care when I’m told she’s ill or at the hospital. I left as soon as I could. My sister tolerates her, but doesn’t like her either. My brother said ‘ I could have least called and checked on her’ .

@Muppetry76
Enter covid19 and boom, same all over again. Same expectations from siblings, same grinding down, criticism, judging, negativity, forced helplessness.
I hear you Muppetry. I have a different, kinder relationship with my mother but was very low contact with my father. When he died I felt nothing at all and, if it hadn't been for my mother, would have not been involved in his funeral or any of the processes we had to go through afterwards.

My life, and hers actually, are better without him.

I went nc with both my parents. My mother eventually died of cancer and dementia, my father of a heart attack. I didn’t see either of them before they died and didn’t go to their funerals.
I had no regrets and didn’t grieve for them. I only grieved for the loving parents I never had.

Years ago I had a job which involved visiting elderly housebound people. I used to feel really sorry for those who clearly had family but were abandoned by them. Since realising what was going on in my own life (deep in the FOG) I understand there’s often reasons behind estrangement that most people just don’t understand. It goes both ways obviously.

I visit my parents normally every 3 months we are on speaking terms but there's no emotion there. My dad is ok it's more my mum. She never cuddled me, said she loved me, read a story to me, say on sofa and watched a film with me. So there's no emotion there at all.
Never saying I love you to your children I think is weird. We've fallen out a few times and not spoken for some periods of time.
She shows no interest at all in my 2 DD's. They don't have any relationship with their grandmother which I think is sad. She will never be what we want her to be. No loving bone in her whole body.
I won't be sad when she dies as there's no emotional connection there at all.
Probably be sad for what I never had.
As a result I tell me 2 DD I love them all the time, show affection and love towards them.