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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be annoyed he sent the picture of me?

30 replies

Cdm2020 · 28/05/2020 19:13

Currently very insecure about my body, due to pregnancy weight, followed by lockdown, comfort eating through the stress etc. I realise there are far more important things to worry about just now but that doesn’t mean I stop feeling upset about it.

Anyway DH took an unflattering photo of me last night in which I felt I looked awful. I immediately asked him to delete it and asked if could get a nicer one when hair was done/ better angle etc.

He told me he had deleted it. But then his mother text me to talk about the background of the photo (our garden) and I realised he’d sent her it in a group family WhatsApp chat they have.

I’m now really angry with him, he knows how I feel just now about my appearance and insecurities. I specifically asked him to delete it but instead he sent it to 10+ people.

I know it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but AIBU to get annoyed about it?

YABU - no big deal; get over it no one cares
YANBU - it was pretty inconsiderate and disrespectful, especially telling me it was deleted

OP posts:
TippingTulips · 28/05/2020 19:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

HappyHammy · 28/05/2020 19:17

Thats mean especially as he said he deleted it. Whats his excuse. Was it just sent to family. I am sure you look beautiful and congratulations.

Gwenisthename · 28/05/2020 19:17

I'd be cross too
The golden rules is don't post a personal photo without their permission

Gallacia · 28/05/2020 19:19

YANBU I'm feeling the same and my DH does the same without realising or thinking

PicsInRed · 28/05/2020 19:20

Does he often fail to consider your opinions and feelings, as separate to his?

caringcarer · 28/05/2020 19:20

He needs to be more respectful of you. You are having his child and locked down too so can't get hair cut or nails done. He should be bloody well humouring you. You tell him that. His job atm is to make you feel better about yourself not to annoy you.

Leeds2 · 28/05/2020 19:22

Have you asked him why he did this, when you had asked him not to? And why he said he had deleted a photo when he hadn't?

Original poster
Cdm2020 · 28/05/2020 19:27

Thanks everyone! Glad to know I’m not going mad and overreacting! He said he thought it was a nice picture and I was angry over nothing. He had just done the garden and wanted to show it off, he didn’t care that I was in it or how I’d feel with others seeing it.

OP posts:
Tentatively · 28/05/2020 19:29

He lied to you. Of course it's a big deal. I am not surprised you are upset.

heartsonacake · 28/05/2020 19:31

YANBU. Not only did he not respect your wishes, he lied to you as well.

I love taking photos of friends and family and sometimes they don’t like ones of themselves I love, but I would never post or use them because it is their decision. Yeah it’s annoyingly especially if I think it’s a nice photo but it wouldn’t be my call to make.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 28/05/2020 19:32

I would have said he probably didn't think, but telling you he'd deleted it when he'd done the exact opposite is not on. Saying you're angry over nothing when he outright lied to your face Shock

I'd get him to delete it off the chat, just take another picture of the garden and just say oh here's a better view of it.

Soph88888 · 28/05/2020 19:43

Men are different and he didn’t see what you see.
As probably 99.9%of people who see you don’t focus in on your tiny flaws, they see you as a whole person. My husband has done the same thing to me whilst I’ve been pregnant and it was an awful pic taken from an unflattering angle.
But who cares, friends and family have seen me from all angles and all my lovely facial expressions. They know what I really look like so no point trying to filter my life

PersephoneandHades · 28/05/2020 19:43

Get him to delete the photo from the group, it is not OK to post photos of people without their permission and it drives me bloody mad when people do it!

heartsonacake · 28/05/2020 19:54

Men are different and he didn’t see what you see.
As probably 99.9%of people who see you don’t focus in on your tiny flaws, they see you as a whole person.

@Soph88888 Totally irrelevant. She asked him to delete it, he should have deleted it. Not lied and say he did and then post it.

MyOwnSummer · 28/05/2020 19:59

YADNBU. I have been on both sides of this one. I have a sister who hates having her picture taken to the point where I barely even have aby pictures of her at all. It can be frustrating when you have to delete pictures that look fine to you, but you do it because you love and respect the person. So your DH is a twat. Also for lying.

My MIL is addicted to taking photos and I hate it. So much so that we banned all FB / SM posts about our DC. She is a big fan of candid shots where she takes a picture unawares and of course they are all massively unflattering. It feels very unpleasant when you had no idèa a picture had even been taken and a massive fucking copy of it is on her fucking wall when you visit. GRR!

Original poster
Cdm2020 · 28/05/2020 20:08

Thank you again to everyone who’s replied. I agree with most points, I always delete pics if someone asks me to and also check with people before posting anywhere (including him!).

I do think he did it without thinking and the pic probably looked fine to him. But it’s the lying about deleting it and lack of thought for me. He said I tell him to delete every pic he takes, which is prob true at the moment, so he didn’t realise how serious I was.

He tells silly lies a lot, it’s wearing thin.

OP posts:
letmethinkaboutitfornow · 28/05/2020 20:33

@cdm2020 - can it be his way of sending you a message about your body insecurity? You mentioned that you are not slim - maybe this is the straw that he is hoping to break the camel`s back and you do something about the comfort eating and getting back to your sexy self.
(and there is no malicious thought in this, you know him!) Flowers

I hope you can show him that you can do it and get back in shape, so whenever he takes pictures of you, that will be fine! Wink

PicsInRed · 28/05/2020 20:36

he didn’t care that I was in it or how I’d feel with others seeing it.

This isn't great.

Bibijayne · 28/05/2020 20:45

I am the crazed photo taker in our family, and my husband is self conscious. I've sometimes sent things I think are fab and he's said he felt a bit crap. So I make the effort to not share pictures unless I know he'll like them/ they're face shots (he's very conscious he has put on weight over lockdown). If he wants a picture deleted, I'll delete it.

I think he looks amazing. But if he is uncomfortable, I need to take that into consideration before sending to our families.

The issue here is not so much that he took a picture you don't like, but that when you asked him to delete it he didn't and it was sent out. He may have sent it before you asked, in which case the more sensible thing would be to be honest and apologise.

YANBU to be upset. But thought I'd share the perspective from the other side. Daffodil Daffodil Daffodil

CheshireDing · 28/05/2020 20:46

YANBU
DH was doing calendars for his Parents and mine one year, when they came in the post I looked through them - he had put a hideous picture of me, with my eyes closed, stood on some fecking street. The picture was in both calendars, I went mad, he couldn’t see what was wrong 🤷‍♀️, I told him there was no way he was sending those out. He said he’d do them again (the whole thing was his bloody idea hence why I hadn’t got involved).

He never redid the calendars, I was beyond baffled why he thought a photo of me overweight still, sort of bent over, with closed eyes, on a normal residential road would be a good choice. There are over 10,000 photos saved on his computer ffs!!!

I feel for you OP

ShebaShimmyShake · 28/05/2020 20:46

I'm sure he honestly thought you looked lovely in it but he shouldn't have done it.

C152H · 28/05/2020 20:52

YANBU. No excuses for him; that was just a dick thing to do.

Original poster
Cdm2020 · 28/05/2020 20:53

Grin haha thank you for these posts they’ve made me feel better! Glad I’m not alone!

I do take a lot of pics myself and it does get frustrating when people say they hate every single one... but I still wouldn’t send anything they didn’t want me to!

@letmethinkaboutitfornow Not sure about that haha, maybe! I don’t think I said I wasn’t slim.. just carrying some extra weight/breastfeeding taken it’s toll etc. I’ve lost 1 1/2 stone (of 3) so I am trying, and he sees that. I don’t think he’d be so cruel as to comment on the weight or guilt me into losing it more quickly - especially at the moment with so much else on my plate. I think he’s inconsiderate and prob didn’t think it through.

OP posts:
Knoxinbox · 28/05/2020 20:56

[quote letmethinkaboutitfornow]@cdm2020 - can it be his way of sending you a message about your body insecurity? You mentioned that you are not slim - maybe this is the straw that he is hoping to break the camel`s back and you do something about the comfort eating and getting back to your sexy self.
(and there is no malicious thought in this, you know him!) Flowers

I hope you can show him that you can do it and get back in shape, so whenever he takes pictures of you, that will be fine! Wink[/quote]
I just....wtf....what??!!

He lied and disregarded her feelings but really she should loose the weight to be sexy again for her man...?!

I don’t even know where to start with this ShockConfused

DrManhattan · 28/05/2020 21:07

Rude and mean