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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL is rubbing it in?!

32 replies

Oxmama · 28/05/2020 00:12

SIL is pregnant. Husband has developed some COVID symptoms and so whilst he is awaiting test results, she has gone 1.5hrs away to isolate in her parents annexe. Thankfully they’re only mild symptoms but I think they’re right to be cautious and so am on board with her going to isolate there.

Since she arrived she has been flooding the family WhatsApp with photos of her hanging out with her parents. I should say that they are always socially distancing & outside, but things like having drinks & meals in the garden together and having a film night whilst she sits at the patio doors etc

AIBU to feel like she is rubbing it in a bit?! I would LOVE to be able to see my parents and am really missing them. I don’t begrudge her seeing her parents at all, but I think she could be a little more sensitive to the fact that all of us are missing being able to see loved ones, so having multiple reminders each day that we can’t do that is hard. I think she should scale back the photos but AIBU?

OP posts:
Destroyedpeople · 28/05/2020 00:16

Yes you are being unreasonable. I doubt she is thinking about other people any more than the restof us do when posting stuff. Why should she? If you want to visit people please do so.

NameChange84 · 28/05/2020 00:17

Yes I think YAB a bit U. She’s not doing anything wrong. Could you mute the group if it upsets you so much?

BumpBundle · 28/05/2020 00:19

YABU. Her joy doesn't make your life any worse and you just sound bitter. Maybe she's bored being almost on her own a lot of the time? Maybe she's posting so you all know she's ok?

Original poster
Oxmama · 28/05/2020 00:19

I can’t visit as I’m in Scotland and we’re not allowed to do so yet, plus family in England

OP posts:
Destroyedpeople · 28/05/2020 00:21

Oh not allowed not allowed.....I doubt the police would stop you at the border.

DocusDiplo · 28/05/2020 00:22

Yabu

MrsOfBebbanburg · 28/05/2020 00:22

Oh stop being so silly!

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/05/2020 00:22

My sil has this reaction whenever I post anything to do with my family - she sees it as a judgement on her. It’s exhausting and I eventually stopped sharing anything on the shared whatsapp group.

frazzledasarock · 28/05/2020 00:23

She’s probably bored of having to sit apart from them, at patio doors whilst they’re curled up on the sofa?

So she’s taking look how much fun I’m having pictures.

If you find it upsetting don’t look.

Generally I take what’s posted on social media with a pinch of salt.

Hope your husband is OK and recovers soon.

NameChange84 · 28/05/2020 00:26

@frazzledasarock

I think it’s the pregnant SIL’s husband that’s got the Covid symptoms. Poor woman is probably just trying to take her mind off the worry.

frazzledasarock · 28/05/2020 00:28

Ah sorry I misread.

Well then she most likely is doing it to keep herself distracted.

I’d really stop looking at the messages and mute the chat.

Original poster
Oxmama · 28/05/2020 00:32

Yes it is her husband, not mine. Thankfully it is very mild at the moment & hoping it stays that way.
I probably am being over sensitive, probs because lockdown hasn’t eased yet up here, so I forget that it’s now more normal for people to be socialising down south. I also sadly don’t have a bladder the strength of Cummings so would not manage the 12 hour round trip to my parents!

OP posts:
DamnYankee · 28/05/2020 00:34

It's not personal. Not about you at all.
Don't look.
I'm sure she's missing her DH, feeling vulnerable, hormonal, uncertain about how long this will last, and possibly thinking, "Oh, sh*t, did I do the right thing?"
She's not poking the bear. Just trying to make the best of a bad situation.
I'm sorry you can't see your family, though!

CannonCaboodle · 28/05/2020 00:35

YABVU.

strugglingwithdeciding · 28/05/2020 00:36

If her husband has symptoms shouldn't she be self isolating ?

Original poster
Oxmama · 28/05/2020 00:36

Thanks @damnyankee - good perspective!

OP posts:
lyralalala · 28/05/2020 00:38

I wouldn't be getting jealous that someone has been daft enough to go to their parents when she has potentially been in contact with someone with Covid. She should be isolating, not having garden film nights with a new household

Original poster
Oxmama · 28/05/2020 00:41

@strugglingwithdeciding @lyralala so I initially thought that too but was shouted down by DH that it’s ok because they’re socially distancing 🤷🏼‍♀️ I guess that kind of makes sense.

OP posts:
BumpBundle · 28/05/2020 00:42

@lyralalala If she watching the film through a panel of glass from outside like OP said she is then she's not "in contact" with anyone...

Original poster
Oxmama · 28/05/2020 00:43

@bumpbundle the door was open...but I feel like maybe we’re splitting hairs

OP posts:
Destroyedpeople · 28/05/2020 00:45

I know it's difficult times for everyone but be honest were you going to make that 12 hour round trip anyway?

Just let her get on with it....

CoachBombay · 28/05/2020 00:45

I thought first household member isolates for 7, then the remainder must isolate for 14 and then can go out if not symptomatic. If other household member becomes symptomatic at say day 11 they must then self isolate for 7 days.

She should be in a 14 day isolation of I've got it right.

I may be wrong though.

Who knows anymore....just use your instinct!

Couchbettato · 28/05/2020 00:45

I usually think that if someone is serially posting their life goings-on (not just the occasional one offs), and they're trying to make their life look really nice and happy, they're putting a barrier up about something that they don't want the rest of the world to see.

I agree with pp, she's probably hormonal and scared and dreadfully misses her husband, but she's just that way inclined to make it seem like she's having the time of her life.

If you've got a close relationship it might be worth having a chat and just asking how she's feeling. I've just finished my maternity leave but if I were pregnant or had just had a baby in a pandemic I'd feel really lonely and want someone to check up on me too.

Original poster
Oxmama · 28/05/2020 00:49

Thanks @couchbettato - you’re right, I do have a close relationship with her and the first thing we did when she told us what she was doing is check in to see how she’s feeling about it all. But you’re right, I should probably give her a bit more grace.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 28/05/2020 00:49

@BumpBundle She shouldn't have left her home. She should be isolated there for 14 days.

She's basically done what Dominic Cummings is being slated for. It's not what people are supposed to do when they are potentially in contact with Covid, socially distant or not.