AIBU to love my family dearly but to be incredibly f***ing annoyed about the amount of tidying up I have to do just to keep ever so slightly on top of things?

[DaphneHarvey]

DD age 7. DS age 4. Freelance DH age 43, either here all the time under my feet all day or (more commonly) never here working to make up for time spent not working.

Feel like a bloody slave. And I work 2 days a week too. And we can't afford a cleaner. Grrrrr.

no. you poor sod. soul sister, when my dp works from home too. and he is tidy. ish. heart goes out to you.

Oh I hate it. Drives me nuts.

Don't do it.

Don't be afraid of not doing it - the world will not end.

Thanks girls. Just raishing shecond glassh of wine. Like tonight, am on my own as usual. DD needs an eye on while she does spelling homework. I says to DS (just 4) go and play while Ruby does this. 10 mins later, I SWEAR, he has wrecked their bedroom which I spent 2 hours cleaning and tidying today.

But I still love him to pieces. He's just so infuriatingly destructive.

But if I never cleared up we would be wading knee deep in -shite- detritus.

YANBU. My dh can trash the place just by virtue of being here for more than 24 hours. Just don't do it and see if anyone notices.

(That's what I do btw. Trouble is, noone does notice except me.)

Hi Daphne, nice to bump into you again

YANBU, it's a pain in the arse. I don't have very high standards but even so it's infuriating. The only purpose I can think of is to make me even more in awe of my mother.

Get out a black sack and threaten to fill it and take it to the charity shop.

I know, I'm a bitch hard woman.

Bookthief - I notice, too. Am a 100% slattern. But, like for instance yesterday, lovely neighbour with DS my DS adores knocked on our door at 4pm for somesuch reason or other. Could see and sense that she would have liked me to invite her in for cup of tea. Would have loved to do so, but honestly it was not feasible. House just shameful. DH been working last 14 days, 10 hours or more.

I wash clothes for family of four, I hang clothes out to dry, I empty and reload dishwasher, I wash dcs in the morning and bath them at night, every 3 days I comb them both for nits. I put clothes away, I throw out rubbish and recycling, I shop and cook. I play with DCs and read to them. I do DD's homework with her. I feed cat and wash his food bowls. I put all the toys away every night. I keep in touch with my family and friends. I try and do a little tiny bit each week to get my new business idea off the ground. Sometime of an evening I watch an hour of tv. I get an hours exercise 3 times a week!

I just do not seem to have time for anything else!!!! Like keeping my house in a reasonable state for receiving guests.

Drives me potty.

In sane-ish moments I can imagine my life as a thread, and imagine this period of years as a blip that, one day, will end. One day. A looooong time away...

Know what you mean about having a house ready to receive visitors at any mo - don't know how people manage - everyone else I know seem to though. My daughter (3) had me in tears the other day when I started clearing something up - I said something like "come on, let's get this all picked up and tidy" to which she jumped up and down excitedly and said "Oooh mummy - who's coming !" - Shamed eternally

oh I was going to post a similar thread. I've had enough of seeing my house always a mess. It's not just 'their' fault tbh, mine too. I just want to run away!!!

I have one DS and am on maternity leave and I still can't seem to do it. Some people just always seem to be able to have people round at little notice - what do they do with the crumbs all over their carpet?

If ever i decide "blow it, today im on strike" and dont spend 2 hours cleaning, you can guarantee that's the morning someone pops in for coffee and Im mortified at the house

Don't know if you're being unreasonable, but I feel exactly the same way, so shall await the MN collective opinion on whether you are or not, with baited breath.

fwiw, I recently trialled a new and wicked system for keeping my son's (14) stuff out of the way: big (and I mean BIG) plastic box in teh laundry room; if I see anything of his, I simply pop it in there instead of tidying it. No nagging, no fuss, and he knows where it is to retrieve it. Has reduced my stress levels a lot. So far he has in there: one flip-flop. three dirty school shirts (he owns 4 in total), one pair dirty school trousers, one history exercise book and text book, one judo belt, one jumper, one pair trainers. All discarded in two days in the hall. Shall wait to see if he has any clean shirts on Monday morning, and laugh if he doesn't.

Will show dh this thread - he thinks it's just me! We have 4kids,5 dogs,huge garden and because i'm home with small kids people just pop in which i don't mind at all but i am concious of state of house. Just can't get into any routine. Even tried FLYing but failed!

Numpty you put ne to shame. i only have one dd, one old not moving dog and a cat and cannot cope. I would not expect ypou to have a tisy house unless you had a butler and a maid!

i'm in a panick. brother's girlfriend coming for the weekkend and friend coming for lunch sat and cannot be bothered (the excuse is I am pg!).

Children aged 4 & 6 aren't too young to learn to tidy up after themselves.

My dd has been tidying her room since she was about 4. Putting toys back into toy boxes, putting her dishes in the sink/dishwasher, putting her dirty washing in the wash basket in her room.

Ds who is almost 3 also knows to put his washing in the basket when he takes them off. I often see him going to get a cloth for a small spill.... he knows that's what I do & tries to help out. Following my example I suppose.

As for your dh, maybe you need to spell it out to him that you need him to put his stuff away, put his dishes in the washer etc... If you don't complain then they may never k now how much you resent it.

My dds 5 and 7 tidy their own rooms, put clothes away, empty dishwasher and do stuff around the house, brush dog and cat etc. And have been doing so for at least two years with varying degrees of success. It takes minutes, they like to help - usually - and I have no intention of being a martyr to my house. And h does as much house work as me. Why wouldn't he? this sounds rather stroppy but I just don't get people moaning about house work when they just seem to assume it's their personal responsibility. Having said that I do work virtually full time. But even if I didn't I'd still expect support and help.

help from girls. It's my h's responsibility as much as mine.

To be honest, never really sure if I hate housework because I'm rubish at it, or I'm rubbish at it because I hate it.
Regarding the "people moaning" thing - hate to be petty, but I think that's what the thread is partly about, and it has helped me to know I'm not the only one not coping, and not having a pristine house. Regarding help - DD does help picking stuff up, but partly I feel they are young kids for such a short time, I'd rather be making mud pies and doing jigsaws with her than cleaning the house - there's time for that later (???so maybe it is my choice then ????). I will be sure to ask hubby to do his fair share of tidying when he gets home after another 14-18 hour day in London - am sure he'd appreciate it.

Well, am sure hubby likes to help out at the weekends once he's caught up on his sleep. Even for the City 18 hours seems rather excessive. Or you must be able to afford an army of cleaners. I really don't think that asking children to do 10 minutes of housework is very much to ask and, for me, it means that I can spend more time with my children doing things we all enjoy. I did absolutely nothing around the house when I was young and I really don't think it did me much good.

Wow OP could have been me, except DC's are different ages and DH does help, but in his own way. Was actually going to post a similar thread - but you have saved me the trouble!

Yesterday I had total and embarassing melt down at DD because I could'nt find the hairbrush, eventually found it under a pile of her 'artwork'.

As I sit here now next to the dinning room table I can see painting stuff, advanced B'day cards, DH's friend satnav, coffee cup and stuff left over from DS Christeneing 4 weeks ago

Adminttedly DH and I both work sharing care of the DC's and we have'nt had a weekend to ourselves for 1,2,3,4,5 weeks now due to holiday and birthdays etc.

I'm sure when we do get one we'll be more sorted.

But to the OP, YANBU - Definatley not!!

Aaah - and I think this is where the problem lies - if I had a routine, and or was any good at it, ten minutes would probably suffice, but it seems to take hours and hours. Maybe we should start a help thread for top tips for cleaning/tidying. Too embarrassed to get a cleaner at the mo too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My examples of problems, are thing like - if I try and hoover during the day, DD (who is only 3) wants to help..... some little piece of jigsaw or toy inevitably gets sucked up......1/2 spent trying to get the thing out of hoover tube with no luck ......eventually think I shifted it .....turn hoover back on .... hoover "explodes" making horrible noise......leave hoover to cool down....take apart to see if can fix.... can't fix....go buy new hoover (as obviously we have people coming round).......etc etc etc whole process has taken say 3 hours - and what have I acheived ????? a small patch of clean carpet measuring approx 2ft by 1 ft - maybe I'm just jinxed - or more likely I just need to get organised. Generally housework makes me loose the will to live - thus I try and avoid it - thus it makes it all the more time consuming !!!!!!!.

I am crap at routines but anything the girls get out they put away. They have to put stuff away before we go out so tell them that at least half an hour before you go anywhere - gets easier as they get older - I hate coming back to complete mess. And the ultimate threat is they have to tidy our room. My "side" of the room is a disgrace - clothes everywhere - thrown into the cupboards. My h's is ridiculously tidy. I honestly do wish my mother had made me help more around the house. Or maybe I'm just a very messy cow. Once children get into the habit it really doesn't take long. My SIL says that she so wishes she had started when her children were young as to get them to do anything now - 9, 11 and 12 is virtually impossible.

jennyjane, clearing the carpet of small pieces before you hoover would solve that problem.

Really, it is just a matter of getting on top of things & after that cleaning as you go.

Do you wipe down the kitchen after meals? Do you fold clothes after taking them off the line? Do you place dishes in d/washer as soon as you're done with them?

These may seem like simple things but I assure you, it makes for less mess.

BTW, are you a SAHM? Does your dh expect you to clean up all day? Is that your job whilst he works in the city?