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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Will I still be able to get half the house

77 replies

Deepblueriver · 26/05/2020 17:42

I left my husband 9 months ago as a result of domestic abuse. I couldn’t stand it anymore so I left the family home with our baby. I only took a small bag and the pram.

I am quite scared of initiating a divorce as he hasn’t taken me to court for access to our D.C. and obviously I don’t want this. We own a lovely house which has a bit of equity in it. I did ask for maintenance but he says he can’t afford to pay it as he says he has to pay all the bills for the house now by himself and that it is unfair that I still own 50% of the house when I am not paying the bills.

If I divorce him am I likely to get my money back. I am worried about making him angry if I file for divorce and it won’t be worth it. He doesn’t know where I am and I don’t want him to know.

OP posts:

FabbyChix · 26/05/2020 17:43

File you’re entitled to half

FOJN · 26/05/2020 17:53

I would speak to a solicitor and make clear you are concerned about angering him and potential reprisals. Do not feel bullied into accepting a smaller percentage of marital assets although I could understand if he's really nasty you might compromise just to get the job done. Has he seen the children since you left? If he hasn't and hasn't even asked then I suspect he's not interested, which is terrible for your children but should reassure you he's unlikely to fight you through the courts. However he could do this whether you initiate divorce or not.
Whatever happens you need legal advice.

FOJN · 26/05/2020 17:55

and that it is unfair that I still own 50% of the house when I am not paying the bills.

What's unfair is you having to leave a house you own 50% of to avoid further violence against you.

CupoTeap · 26/05/2020 18:01

Yes you can I did

Original poster

Deepblueriver · 26/05/2020 18:09

He did threaten to try and get full custody but now says he won’t take me to court.

My priority is to keep my baby safe. If I could sign over all my money for him to agree to leave us alone I would.

My fear is that if I tried to divorce him he would make sure I didn’t get any and would try and get custody.

OP posts:

CupoTeap · 26/05/2020 18:10

There's nothing stopping him from going for custody once you've agreed he can have the money

Northernsoullover · 26/05/2020 18:11

Don't sign anything over. He doesn't want custody anyway. He's saying that to keep you in your place.

TeaAndHobnob · 26/05/2020 18:16

My priority is to keep my baby safe. If I could sign over all my money for him to agree to leave us alone I would.

He's abusive. He would take the money and continue to abuse you. You can't trust him. Stop worrying about what he wants, and think about what you need, which is at least 50% (and court may award you more).

FOJN · 26/05/2020 18:17

Has he had access since you left?

Waveysnail · 26/05/2020 18:27

He is manipulating you still. You cant be a mind reader or trust what he says. You have to do all you can to financially support yourself. You need good legal advice

usernameannonymous · 26/05/2020 18:27

He threatened you with wanting full custody but yet he can't afford to pay you child maintenance for HIS children, that doesn't make a lot of sense?

usernameannonymous · 26/05/2020 18:27

I hope you and your little one are ok

Original poster

Deepblueriver · 26/05/2020 18:28

He has only had supervised access. That’s what I was advised to do but not since lock down.

I know that I couldn’t sign my money away for us to leave us alone but I am afraid that if I try and get maintenance and money from the house he will try and take our child. I know that if he got 50:50 custody I wouldn’t get anything and he would go for that just because he doesn’t want to give me money. It would also be the best way to hurt me.

OP posts:

HoldMyWeave · 26/05/2020 18:29

He will never get custody. He doesnt want it, it is just a threat because he is abusive.

Good luck love

usernameannonymous · 26/05/2020 18:31

He cannot take your child away from you, and unless you're not a good parent (which you sound like a lovely mum who just wants what's best for baby), he doesn't have any grounds to apply for full custody, how old is your child?

FOJN · 26/05/2020 18:35

He will never get custody. He doesnt want it, it is just a threat because he is abusive.

^I would agree with this.

He may not want to give you money but the law doesn't give a shit about what he wants. Courts are more concerned with a fair split of assets that best meets needs.
If you get a solicitor you won't have to deal with him directly so he won't have the opportunity to bully you and you might be better placed to see the wood for the trees.

PlanDeRaccordement · 26/05/2020 18:42

He won’t get custody. First, he’s abusive. Second, because even if he were not abusive, courts prefer to stay with whichever parent they are already living with. So his chances of getting custody are close to zero.

Also, 50/50 custody wouldn’t mean he’d pay you nothing at all- that only applies to child maintenance.

No matter what, he still owes you 50% of the equity in the house and you can file to have the courts force it to be sold. He also may owe you part of his pension, investments, etc - any other assets built up during the marriage.

Finally, because you don’t want him knowing where you are, you can have your solicitor hold back your address and require he communicate only with your solicitor at the solicitors address.

Original poster

Deepblueriver · 26/05/2020 18:53

He wouldn’t get full cyst but he would probably get something. I don’t want him to have unsupervised access but most abusers do get this eventually. My solicitor said even if we went to a contact centre he would eventually get unsupervised.

I did report him to the police but they didn’t have enough evidence to press charges.

OP posts:

june2007 · 26/05/2020 18:56

I wouldn,t say he won,t get custofy, if he is having contact. You say supervised but by who you or a thrird party. If a third party says no issues he may well gert custody, but this should not come into the house situation at all it is seperate.

Original poster

Deepblueriver · 26/05/2020 18:59

It will come into the house situation because if I file for divorce he will get angry with me and he might take me to court. I don’t think I have the strength to fight him.

OP posts:

LemonTT · 26/05/2020 19:06

You don’t have to fight him. You just need to assert your rights. If he tries to stop you then he is fighting the system.

june2007 · 26/05/2020 19:11

LemonTT thats rubbish so if the courts go in his favour and she wants to fight is she fighting the system too?

BirdyCheepCheep · 26/05/2020 19:11

Don't sign over the money as he could take that and then still pursue for access just to continue to be abusive to you. Go to a solicitor, and let them tell you what you are entitled to, and then apply for that.

Xenia · 26/05/2020 19:14

Roughly how much equity was in the house before covid 19 reduced prices dramatically?

ASandwichNamedKevin · 26/05/2020 19:19

Divorce your abusive husband OP. Get a damn good solicitor and get all that you are entitled to for you and your DC.
He will be pissed off either way so you might as well get what you can to secure your future.
Sever this legal tie to him ASAP. And be proud of yourself for getting away.

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