Will I still be able to get half the house

[Deepblueriver]

I left my husband 9 months ago as a result of domestic abuse. I couldn’t stand it anymore so I left the family home with our baby. I only took a small bag and the pram.

I am quite scared of initiating a divorce as he hasn’t taken me to court for access to our D.C. and obviously I don’t want this. We own a lovely house which has a bit of equity in it. I did ask for maintenance but he says he can’t afford to pay it as he says he has to pay all the bills for the house now by himself and that it is unfair that I still own 50% of the house when I am not paying the bills.

If I divorce him am I likely to get my money back. I am worried about making him angry if I file for divorce and it won’t be worth it. He doesn’t know where I am and I don’t want him to know.

Xenia I think about 90,000 so my half of that could be totally wiped out.

I do have a job and I pay for everything our child needs myself as I don’t get maintenance.

He is v.likely to get access if it goes to court.

That's seperate to division of assests/finances in a divorce.

Wow trellishead! Are you always such a dick?

Initiate the divorce and settlement and go via the official channels for child maintenance. You should be goung for kore than half as youre housing 2/3 of the former family unit. If there's been dv they waive the start up costs and if he refuses to pay then they take it direct and he ends up paying more.

My divorce (domestic violence related) cost me £10k.

I didn't get half of the house, but my name wasnt on it, (even though we were married long before the house was bought)

However, we had no children. This should make a difference to your entitlement plus you are on the mortgage.

If you reported it to the police then you should be entitled to legal aid. I was too but my original solicitor wasnt great.

He doesnt need to know where you live. Alk correspondence can go via your solicitor and any details of address can be hidden.

Wow, @trellishead, please tell us you’re a pathetic saddo bloke.

I really can’t believe that any decent woman would post such crap on a thread about a mum with a young child who’s suffered from Domestic violence.

@DartmoorChef did your divorce go to court? I imagine it would all cost more as he is likely to contest it all.

Can he buy me out of the house without getting divorced? I know that he has enough money. He had about £50000 in his savings account before I left so it must be way more than that now. He is very mean and cares more about money than anything else.

Do you have concerns about your child’s safety with him?
I was told by a solicitor that unless I could prove concerns about my Ds’s safety the court would allow access. They weren’t bothered about anything exdh had done to me.

You get half of equity in the house. He'll have to sell it if he can't afford it, same as you have had to rent. Key is child is resident with you not him. It's slightly different when parent lives with child still in family home. I got 100% of my house (with mortgage still) as he took /spent all our savings. Let your mortgage provider know so he can't put new loans against property. Solicitor should advise this.

You use your solicitors address

Residence (custody) and financial settlements are totally separate things so neither affects the other.

Apply for child maintenance from CMS if he isn't paying anything, you still go for financial settlement as well as this through mediation solicitor or court, but that takes ages and judges usually award interim maintenance based on CMS + bit more. And that he gives you your share of equity in the house , it may be 50% or more. Judges can order sale of the property if need be.

You can arrange estate agent valuations via your solicitor. If equity goes down so be it, it goes down equally in shares not out of just yours . Don't forget he's living in and benefitting from house and you are paying rent so what that he is paying mortgage on his own now you are having to pay to live elsewhere not in your home probably same amount or more! As long as house is in joint names or you were married, you have an equal share in it.

It doesn't become your choice over contact but that if cafcass if he takes you to court for child contact. Remember - separate issues. But given he only has supervised contact now and there was Domestic abuse, it'll be a while or that containing before they decide on any unsupervised contact if court ordered.

Unless you really don't need the money I would get your fair share. And your baby's fair share.

@Deepblueriver, it sounds scary but definitely file for divorce and get your share of the marital assets. When I got divorced, I took nothing. None of our property, none of our savings, none of our family things. The lawyers thought I was crazy - I just wanted out and thought he would leave me alone. No, he was very angry and kept threatening to take my children, refusing to pay maintenance, harassing me etc. Thank goodness I could afford to look after my kids.

So, leaving him the house and the money does not mean he won't keep trying to abuse you and make your life miserable. You have to come to terms with the fact that he will get some kind of contact - which he's not likely to keep up with. It won't be 50-50 though. Mine refused to turn up to court so contact arrangements are on my terms. He now lives in a different country so it makes it easier.

At least half of that house is yours. As long as the marriage has ended, file for divorce. You'll cross the other bridges when you get there.

Mine went to court. He didnt turn up twice. The third time after being told it would all go to me if he did it again, he did turn up, with his fucking first ex wife... Who hated my guts. (we met 8 years after his divorce from her but she was a nightmare for the entire 13 years 8 was married to him).

There was a last minute offer before going into the actual courtroom which i accepted.

It wasn't great and i was really stressed. But i got through it, and so can you.

My lawyer advised a different strategy which was to let sleeping dogs lie. Court's will normally go with the status quo. If he hasn't seen the child for six months and he's unlikely to get much access.

So personally I wouldn't rush into a divorce-if that's going to be the red rag. I'd go through the lawyer to propose he buys you out of the house. No mention of divorce yet. Get the other pieces in place. Then divorce.

No one has mentioned the savings. You are entitled to family money too. You need to go see a solicitor. Let it all go through the solicitor.

You need to consider: savings and assets, your share of the equity and any share of his pension.

@Wallywobbles I am tempted to do just that as I don’t have the emotional energy for a fight. Everyone keeps telling me t get my house back and that I should get my money but I can’t face it.

@insideoutsider thank you for telling me that because I needed to hear it. I think he probably would kick me while I’m down.

If we have been separated for a long time and he takes me to court he is less likely to get anything, so to me that is worth doing.

The CMS calculator says I should get £500 a month high is a lot but he would be angry so I think I will leave it for now.

You certainly don't have to do anything now if you don't want to although it is a good idea to get some advice from a solicitor. In England assuming only asset is the £90k equity in the house (and there are no pensions or savings) the starting point is 50% each so £45k although a solicitor would probably say if there is evidence of physical abuse against you you might get an emergency order to exclude him from the marital home (potentially with legal aid if you have no money and he is violent) with an order that he makes interim spousal maintenance to you (if you earn less than he does) and the maintenance for the baby too.

If you might inherit from family note that his entitlement in England is from the point the finances are finalised, not separation and not date of divorce degree absolute which is why most people finalise the finances between decree absolute and have an agreement or court ordered "consent order" a solicitor draws up which is then sealed by the court. If you don't sort out the house/mortgage at some point he might not pay the mortgage and the house and mortgage are in joint names so that debt would go against you. If the house is not in joint names you can register your right over it with a simple form from the Land Registry and should do that . if it is in joint names then no need to do that.

"Can he buy me out of the house without getting divorced? I know that he has enough money. He had about £50000 in his savings account before I left so it must be way more than that now. He is very mean and cares more about money than anything else."
Sorry I see he has £50k savings too so if the only family assets are £90k equity (possibly less due to covid and £50k and assuming neither of you has a pension(often the most valuable asset of all actually) then half £140k is £70k and you might compromise to be done with it by taking say £45k, clean break, no spousal maintenance and he pays half the childcare costs each month perhaps which he may prefer to do than hand you £500 a month. Some people might think the above is a bad deal as you might get more than half the joint assets or even a right to stay in the home to be sold only when the child is 18 or you cohabit or remarry with him paying spousal maintenance if he earns more than you....

On can be buy me out without divorce - not easily. Eg you and he could agree to put the house solely in his name and take you off the mortgage (IF the lender agrees - they often will not agree) and he gives you some or all his savings in return. That could nbe put into a written agreement between you a kind of post-nup using a solicitor (and later used as the basis for a final divorce consent order) BUT if circumstances change between that agreement and later the divorce then it might be undone by the court I think. There is separately for very religious people a final financial order being a formal judicial separation which hardly anyone ever does as a permanent alternative to divorce which people who don't believe in divorce do. That is unlikely to be appropriate for you.

Just a suggestion to keep a ‘diary’ Or notebook...to write down everything that may be relevant now or later...it’s too easy to forget things. Good luck op

I am keeping a notebook. I feel like my brain is fried by the whole situation.

@Xenia that is a lot to think about. I moved away from the area to get away ftt try on him so I don’t really want the house back. I just want to be able to get a house of my own which I can’t do at the moment.

I don’t think he would stop playing the mortgage as he is very money minded and that would affect his credit rating. But that is really interesting. I hadn’t thought that he could potentially take some of my inheritance. He earns more than me but not hugely.

I have just realised that I am still paying some of the bills for the house. He phoned me to say if I cancelled the payments he would be really angry and it would my fault if bailiffs cane to the house.

I blank out a lot of things that have been happening to me. I only realised when I checked my bank account and saw that the money was still coming out.

Well it,s up to you to cancel the bills, but tell him your doing so then it is up to him to pt them in his name.

Please go back to your solicitor and get more advice. As there is domestic abuse involved you may be entitled to legal aid to help with your fees.

Please also talk to Women's Aid - they c as n help you with your fear and how to move forward.

Good luck OP X

Unfortunately I earn too much for legal aid. I think I would have to pay most of it back.

I am going to stop the bills obviously but I am worried about his reaction. I stopped most of the a couple of months after I moved out but he was very cross.

He has always accused me of wanting to take his money. I imagine that he will hide all of his savings if we do divorce.

You really need to speak to a lawyer OP. Everyone's circumstances are different.