To take my baby to see my Mum and Dad.

[Taxicus]

What would you do?

My first baby arrived the first week of April, by mid March DH decided to tell work he wasn't coming in anymore, before the government announced.

We both stayed home and had our baby at home. We have been self isolating since. We have been on walks but live in a remote location (so over deserted fields.) We have not visited a healthcare center or set foot in a shop or gone anywhere or seen anyone. We disinfect and wash anything that comes in (food packets)

My Mum and Dad are shielding. My DH drives round to pick up our groceries every week that they leave in their garden for him to collect. They do online ordering for us as well as themselves.

My parents had "the letter" asking that they shield until 31st June. My DH has been told he will return to work the first week of June he works in a job that is very people facing.

AIBU to visit my Mum and Dad now and maybe stay as a combined household for a fortnight. My thinking is, we will not want to visit after DH returns to work due to risk to them. IF there IS a second wave, they may be asked to shield again and if that's the case I do not know when they will meet their grandaughter. Visiting now, logically poses the least risk rather than waiting. Nothing will change for us between now and June 30th.

I feel I've coped well the past two months but now my mental health is suffering.

That's really hurtful. I think I'd just go and stand in their front garden.

Babies don't know ANYTHING at this stage, beyond that milk is nice, dirty nappies are very uncomfortable, and that huge creature who cuddles and feeds them, and has a kind face and who smells right, is the only thing in the world that matters. Dads, grandparents, even siblings, all become important to them later. So don't get worked up about that.

I think your parents are being a bit over-dramatic, and it must be very hurtful. However, bear in mind that you and DH have been washing your groceries and hiding from the world for two months, so maybe taking things to extremes is normal for your family. Just try and chill out for a bit. Take the baby round to visit in the early morning or late evening, then it wont be too hot.

I'd do it too OP. Family and mental health are so important. My DS is 7 months old and if grandparents lived locally we would take him to see them. Would definitely have done it if they were local and had never met him!

Definitely.

We visited my shielding in law's at the weekend because once DD goes back to school next week it won't be safe to see them for quite some time. It was the safest time so we did it. Common sense should prevail over the 'rules' here.

Congratulations btw!

Sorry You are feeling this but your feelings do not trump your DP health (aswell as others).
You seemed to have concocted a whole situation that means your DPs are being selfish and you and the baby will suffer for it.
It is not true, your parents need to protect themselves and I would think most loving children would want that too. They are part of shielded group, this isn't something they have made up but they have been told by official sources. Hopefully in a few months they will be able to spend time with your DD and for many years. Why take the risk just so you aren't alone for a few months?
It is telling that most parents would move heaven and earth to keep their children are safe, but it seems, for some children their parents welfare means very little

I cant believe the extremes you've gone to.

First baby, in a pandemic? Hardly surprising that she's been extreme.
Having a baby is anxiety inducing when the world is well, let alone when it's not.

Don't listen to them OP.

Congratulations.

Really sorry for X post. Honestly don't worry about weather though. It isn't too hot, sit in shade and dress her appropriately. I had both my babies in Australian summers where it was 35- 40 degrees . She'll be fine. Agree they should come to yours

Sorry OP just seen your update - that's very difficult for you, some people are just afraid of it though and taking it literally. Don't worry about baby not knowing her grandparents, she's too little to be interested in anyone other than you and won't remember meeting them anyway. Hope you feel better, it's not easy being isolated with a baby is it? I think anyone with a little one will be feeling that, I know I am. Hopefully lockdown will end soon and you'll get to introduce baby to grandparents.

If you are all happy with it I would. Congratulations on your baby.

Oh sorry I just read your latest update. I hope you're feeling ok 💐

Go for it OP.

Hi, merging households is FINE if required - I've researched extensively on someone else's behalf and with NHS and police advice. What they do say is, whole combined household at that point should ISOLATE, not just lockdown for 14 days.

It's totally not the same as going to see the parents, or staying the night. Neither of which are currently acceptable.

I can understand you're annoyed at your parents. It's a shame that they're worried about the neighbours. My neighbours have clearly started to flout the rules now (having grandparents over, garden parties) but I don't really care. People are getting bored with the lockdown and hopefully they take general precautions so let's hope for the best. In your case I would also go see my parents as the risks appear non-existent.

Having said that you are also overreacting a bit. I'm due mid July and my parents and MIL are all abroad (France/India). I'm not sure when they'll be able to come and visit but I know it's not going to affect their overall relationship with their new grandchild.

Ok, so a range of opinions. Really appreciate especially the YANBU voters sharing theirs because I do want to undertand.

Of course I know some people choose to live a distance away from their parents and of course, those children have a bond with their grandparents but I personally do not believe that they have the same quality of connection with grandparents as those who have seen them regularly and who have had them as a regular tangible fixture in their lives and that is just my opinion.

As for babies not knowing anything at this age funnylittlefloozie, I'm afraid I don't agree with you there either. Do you remember being a baby yourself to say that with any confidence? I think this underestimates babies.

Cheeseanswin5 I can fully understand your position because it supposes we are a genuine threat to their health. No one can see the future but it is a fact that we will categorically not be seeing them in a few months when the rules change as we really will be a threat. My husband works with students at a university.

The probability of corona virus still being in the UK next year is high and therefore, the likelyhood of us seeing my parents before next year now, regardless of the rule ch is non existant.

Babies really don't know or remember anything at that stage. I would never delay vaccinations either.

Are you in the UK? Today hasn't been too hot to go in the garden. I get that it's a scary time and it's your first baby but you are being a bit extreme with the "she won't bond with them" thing.

If they're shielding until 31st June they'll have a long wait so go for it

I don't think anyone knows what will happen with the virus in the next few months so don't overreact there too. The reality is we don't know.
As for grandparent's bond - well obviously I don't agree at all that you need frequent physical contact to develop a strong emotional bond. It's more complicated than that. My children are very close to their respective grandparents despite my parents being in France (we see them about 5-6 times a year though, often a week at a time) and my mother in law being in India (we see her once or twice a year although when she comes it's for 2months at a time). Overall I think they have a closer bond than if we saw them all every Sunday lunch time to be honest. We value our time together a lot.
Having said that and regardless - the first few months aren't going to matter in the great scheme of things! They can develop that bond in 6 months time it will be fine!

“I cant believe the extremes you've gone to.”

Not extremes. Just adhering to guidelines.

Yanbu i took mine over for similar reason. Do they live close? Maybe short garden trips? Get a pram snooze shade?

Could they come to your garden?

I had a newborn at the end of March and found it very difficult not seeing my parents. I gave in and went to visit them for a couple of weeks in the end. We all felt that the overall risk was very low as none of us had gone anywhere except for a walk for the week beforehand. I felt worried about breaking the rules at the time but don’t regret it at all. Before I saw them I was in tears every day about the prospect of them not meeting their grandson for months (probably partly due to hormones) and they were also very upset. In usual circumstances I think I would have coped fine with lockdown but I was really struggling. I have felt so much better since I saw them. Also there is police guidance which suggests that moving in with someone else even temporarily is permitted as long as it’s for a matter of days rather than hours so arguably it’s within the rules. It’s not clear cut but I suspect the police wouldn’t be inclined to fine you if you said you’d moved in with your parents. That said I probably wouldn’t have pushed my parents to let us stay if they had been worried about it though your situation sounds very low risk. I doubt your baby will be affected in the long term though whatever happens so I wouldn’t be too worried about that aspect.

We did this. Not a newborn but toddler DS who is totally besotted with his nana and grandad. And they are besotted with him. After 7/8 weeks of not seeing him we self isolated completely for 2 weeks to ensure no symptoms and then packed DS off to grandmas for a bit while we went back to work. We kept 2m from the adults but only because I'm paranoid. But it was affecting my mums mental health not seeing her grandson.

Sorry I've just RTFT. I'd be devastated if I were you but it doesn't mean she won't know her grandparents, relationships can be built at any time so try not to worry too much about that. Totally understand where your coming from though it's very sad x

Hi OP, they are just that "guidelines" not law. Common sense would say visit before your husband starts work. You and your parents will benefit. 💐

Now yes, I'd do it, it is so special , you can't relive these lost months. I do believe what you are proposing is very safe indeed, and certainly a lot safer than things a lot of other people are doing. Enjoy.

for you, OP.

You can spend time in a warm garden with your baby. There is nowhere in the UK at the moment where it is too hot for a baby to be outdoors, as long as she is well shaded. If you can sit under a tree she will be absolutely mesmerised by the movement of the branches against the sky. I really hope that this might be a way for your parents to meet her.

Please don't worry about bonding. Your baby is forming secure attachments to you and your DH and that is the most important thing right now. Wider family connections will come. My DD screamed the house down when she was held by her grandparents for the first year or so and now she couldn't adore them more.