Why did you say no?

[Sometimeswinning]

I've been working throughout this since lockdown. Childcare has been an issue but we've used annual leave etc. Schools are hopefully being reopened and I'm now having to listen to people objecting to the fact I will be sending my child back. Aibu to think people should be honest and just say they're scared instead of putting us, with no choice, workers down?

OP do you realise your post title is "why did you say no?" And you've switched on voting YABU/YANBU - I don't understand the question either. When did I say no, who asked me what, when?

This. I have a feeling people may be judging you for other reasons than you think

Yup

I'm a sahm and believe me I get the judgemental comments from workers. It's just the way people are.

I told my working sister I wasn't sending mine back due to all the change. The set up at my child's school is crap. Groups of 8 in one class. She's not going to be with that teacher she's settled into school with. She said well many will have to and your lucky your financially stable!

What upsets me is people just presume! My situation is my own. My partner works 15-20 hours a week week overtime so that whilst the kids are small I can stay home. We can't afford nursery fees and after-school club and breakfast fees. I have no family to rely on. Neither does he. His mum is devoted to his sister and her child so moved away to be close to her. My daughter needs collecting and taking to school. My 2 year old needs looking after. So we discussed it. This is what works best for us right now. But when both are at school I am going to do something when something comes up. Then my partner can do less overtime.

I don't judge workers. You are providing. So yes use the schools. You know what's best for your child. Personally the germs are not the issue with me. It's the over the top way the schools are having to deal with it. Halving the class is one thing. Encouraging hand washing too. But removing most of the joy from the classroom toys, beanbags, soft chairs, books, arts,crafts, sandy and teddies in my opinion is unsettling for my child. Also she will want to see her friends. But she won't be with many of them. How do I explain all that to her?

I know kids will cope. But I can just see how complicated it's going to be. My child's schools got nearly 350 kids. It's just going to be a nightmare for the teachers. Each school will cope differently

Tell people to get lost who question your choice!

Who cares what they are doing?
I’ve been literally bombarded with people messaging me this week am I sending DD back?
I don’t understand why it’s so important to them what I’m doing?!
Yes I am sending her back.
No I don’t need the childcare.
Yes I know it’ll be different.
My DD is desperate to return, doesn’t care it’ll be different and she’s a tough little cookie who I’m sure will take it all in her stride.
I couldn’t care less what they are doing! Doesn’t impact my decision at all.
Would it be nice for my DD is the children from her class are there? Yes of course. Will she not want to go if they don’t? Not at all. Why? Because I’ve taught her from her first day to play with everyone, to be inclusive and kind to all the children, not just the ones from her class.

You get judged and you are judging back. You are judging people who haven't judged you and do are perpetuating the cycle. The first poster put it perfectly:

Everyone has their own story don't they, you have to do what's best for you and your family.

Think about who is judging you or if they actually are. Sometimes it's easy to see judgement and assume, other times it's there or we are looking for it . If friends or family are judging you, challenge them- they aren't supportive. If it's online, turn off social media.

Everyone has an opinion and some love theirs heard loudly.

I won't be sending mine back, I have not said anything negative to those who are sending them back, and I realise that not everyone has a choice and many children have been attending all along.

My main reason is that I don't think the plan has been explained clearly, it doesn't make sense. I would say I am very risk averse and while I don't really think anything terrible will happen to my children, I am not reassured by what I've heard from the Govt - particularly that D. Cummings (he of excellent judgement) has been sitting in on the SAGE committee and making these decisions, and finding out that the Yr R, 1 and 6 returning option was not one that SAGE were asked to model. I've had a look at the evidence on the Government website about SAGE and it does indicate that cases tend to be extremely low in younger children. However there seems to be very little research and SAGE did stress that proper track and trace needs to be in place. I'm concerned about this tracking app, and that people are unlikely to want to download it and that the reopening is next week!

After reassurances over hospital staff working without PPE or with inadequate PPE, transport workers not being given adequate PPE and lots dying and the care home debacle plus the bungled 'return to work' where people were told not to use public transport and to wear masks with about 2 days notice to get this organised, it seems all over the place. When and if I feel there is an actual well thought through plan, tracking and tracing is actually working well etc then those concerns will be overcome.

So I voted YANBU to say that you're right people should be honest and not put you down. But also to say that you shouldn't dismiss it as 'fear' - I think the timing of this return is careless and just based on the fact that 1 June is after mid-term holidays and not guided by the science or the logistical ability to have track and trace properly in place.

OP I said yes (to Nursery child) as I haven't had a break in 3 months. Literally no one has looked after my kids in that long and I'm running a house and putting up with increasingly difficult behaviour in both boys. Both have been in tears numerous times this morning and I've been screamed at and ordered around and moaned at. I considered walking away from the house and leaving them to it - I've considered hanging myself with the rope left over from the ropeswing I made them.

I was still judged and another parent shouted at me across the street after asking "did you say no" - and proudly stated that he did, whilst having a lovely walk in the sun ALONE on his day off from work (I was carrying my 3yo who was refusing to walk and sweating buckets, 7yo whining).

Not only that, even though the primary school is one of the biggest around here (used to be a middle a school) they're saying only key worker children are allowed back. So there we go. I'm left until September to go more and more insane with exhaustion. I have emailed my sons SENCO explaining how I feel and how I'm struggling with his behavior and my own mental health - there is no help.

Everyone has their reasons. Even if you just need a break. How long do I go on like this before I push myself too far and do something dangerous?

Everyone has their reasons. Whether they decide to send them back or not I can't bring myself to judge.
We are not sending ours back (nursery and Year 1) because myself and OH are both furloughed. Unlikely we will be back at work before July if plan is anything to go by. We will have to send them at that point and school have been very accommodating in allowing us to say no for now but aware they may be in come July.
I think the risks are small, but we can't bring ourselves to send them when we are sat at home on our backsides. I also don't think it will be a nice environment for them at the moment, the schools plan is totally different to "normal" school. I know that it has to be but I won't put DDs through that unless we have to.
However, lots of parents saying they won't send them back until September... like it will be all be totally back to normal by then. And I'm not sure it will be.

Thanks for the helpful replies. I think there was a comment made about me being stressed about it. You are probably right and I didnt actually realise. This made me extra judgy aswell!

I think my shitty answers were usually directed at someone who made shitty comments. But I think I should maybe have concentrate on the level headed answers. Ignore the negativity as has been suggested