I'm part of a well-established women's social group. Many of us have known each other for more than 20 years. There are around 15 of us and over the years we've had death, disasters, cancer, issues with children and parents and we've supported each other through it all.
A couple of years ago one of us (not me) introduced a friend to the group and she quickly established herself as being super-sensitive. I'll call her B. Early on someone mentioned in front of her that their sister had been diagnosed with cancer and B broke down in tears and swept out of the cafe we were in and of course people went after her to find out what the problem was and it turned out that her own sister had had cancer and it had been a dreadful time and any mention of cancer brought it brought it all back — so would we please not talk about anything like that in front of her. And then not long after someone was talking about their elderly parent and how they probably didn't have long to go and again B got up and fled and was found weeping in the street because it had made her think of her own mother who'd died a few years ago. And of course because people are nice they apologise and say how sorry they are — even though there's nothing to be sorry for. Anyway, it's gone on and on, till it's got to the stage where people are tiptoeing around on eggshells and not enjoying being out in the group when B is present in case they set her off again.
Now we can't meet in reality, we meet virtually on line a couple of times a week on Zoom and usually have a great time. But of course there's no escaping B on Zoom — you can't move to another table at the pub. A couple of weeks ago B threw a wobbly when one of the other women was saying how tough she was finding lockdown. Today it was one of the group's birthday and we all sang what we know to be her favourite song. And there's B on Zoom, getting up and running out of shot and then returning weeping into a bunch of tissues. And all my lovely friends are apologising and feeling bad and not sure what they've done till after the meeting's over when she sends a text to say her ex-partner, who dumped her, always sang that song to her...
I've encountered this sort of behaviour with children and young people but never with otherwise together sort of adults. (B's in her 50s and has a senior-level job in HR) It's having a chilling effect on the group. Some of them say she's just incredibly emotionally sensitive and she can't help it. Others are so busy feeling bad for upsetting her that they lose sight of the fact that it isn't their responsibility to edit everything they say in case it upsets her.
I don't have an issue with anyone feeling sad or moved and crying. But asking that people don't talk about certain things just in case they upset her seems controlling. Today she ended up taking all the attention from the person who was celebrating their birthday alone in lockdown and that really pissed me off. But I'm not as nice as the others. AIBU?