To ask how to overcome this sense of shame?

[everybodysstarryeyed]

I feel I've acted immaturely and shamefully and I don't know how to overcome this in order to build a successful future.
I went to university in my home town and lived with my parents as was shy and suffered low self esteem and did not not really have the inclination to engage in 'normal' university life of living away from home etc. I then got my first ever job a few years ago but still suffered dreadfully from low self esteem. If I'm being honest, the group of 'friends' I was with at school are to be brutally honest imo emotionally immature, shrinking violets also and I feel their reactions to me and their general influence has always dented my self esteem. In order to cope with my social awkwardness I admit I told my colleagues, during the course of working in my first ever job some serious lies - along the lines of -that my best friend died at the beginning of 2018. This is totally untrue. The reason I said this was that I was caught in a difficult situation and due to my low self esteem couldn't cope with it so had to explain the situation away.
Just for completion's sake - they don't know my friendship circle so the 'lie' as it were wouldn't affect anyone in the office directly. Also, I said that while I was at uni I had a daughter and that she's now living with her father. This is also completely untrue. I suspect some people saw through this but I don't know exactly - but also I feel they must have gossiped about me as some people in that office were toxic gossips. I dread to think what they said. I now work in a different department so I'm not with these people at all any more.
I'm deeply ashamed of these lies and as a result I have been overeating and piling on the pounds. Realistically, I know I can't change the past but I want the future to be as constructive as possible and not waste my life.
I'm also worried that if I ever look for another job in the same field - it may be a small pool of people and I'll be rejected automatically for being a compulsive liar as rumour will get around.
Does anyone have any advice?

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing - thank you so much - those are very kind, reassuring words.

OP, can you access counselling via any workplace health scheme? It will be 100% confidential.
Don't make any decisions without first having talked through your concerns. Once you've cleared your mind, you can think about whether you want to move jobs.
At the same time as seeking counselling, it'd be great if you could do some work on your self esteem. Yoga, mindfulness, a hobby that takes you out of the home, new friends. All of these will help you feel stronger emotionally.
You've completed uni, and have started to build a career. Be proud of that.

You've admitted the lies to yourself, and realised the damage they'd cause I'd word spread. And you seem to want to tackle the motivation behind the lying. Be proud of that.

Suzie6789 - the purpose of the first lie was to explain my distress and inability to handle a situation when a customer was rude/unreasonable and very difficult to me.
When I told the second lie, I was obese and couldn't stick to a diet and very depressed. I'd just had enough of my low self esteem and the way a lot of people in work talked down to me. I was angry and very fed up.

So your plan, if questioned, is to tell more lies and so the cycle continues. You can’t expect different outcomes, if you insist on repeating the same mistakes.

You acknowledge there’s a problem but you’re not self aware enough to understand why and it’s the why, which keeps the shovel in your hand.

Please get professional support because I don’t think you understand how deep this goes.

Don't worry, a lot of people create a persona at work, more than you would think. When I was 18 I worked in an office that was miles away from my home town and I sort of reinvented myself, nothing major I just made my life sound more exciting and daring than it actually was. I had terrible anxiety and low self esteem and I just felt the real me was too boring, being this totally different person gave me strength and confidence. No one suspected or challenged me, why would they - and I moved jobs and forgot all about it. I actually think it's quite funny now. It's very unlikely that the people at work will discover your lie - you don't have to discuss your personal life with anyone and you don't have to leave your job as you no longer work with the people you lied to.

I don't think this is a terrible thing you need to feel guilt over, it was just a coping mechanism and as you grow and mature you will learn not to do it - I did. So let it go, you haven't committed a crime - but going forward just think about the person you want to be and change a few things for the better. Maybe losing weight would channel your thoughts and give you confidence. But for now just forgive yourself, move on.

Samtsirch - thank you. Your post is very encouraging and helpful.

the purpose of the first lie was to explain my distress and inability to handle a situation when a customer was rude/unreasonable and very difficult to me.
It’s Completely normal to be upset and distressed if someone / customer is being awful to you at work. It’s normal to take it personally too (I used to work in a complaint department and took my share of abuse!) Do you now realise there’s no need to invent a lie for it? I still think you do need professional help with this though.

Thank you Limpetlike - you are spot on in your first paragraph about why I lied. I've had a job at the new building / department and I've not lied at all in a year. I think this is because I feel lucky to have been given this opportunity in this new department and want to make a fresh start. So I've not embellished my personal life one iota!! I'm much happier here as it's a less toxic/claustrophobic environment.

Low self esteem impostor syndrome feeling out of depth can bring on these things

This is absolutely correct.

Ritascornershop - thanks for your encouraging words and the second paragraph of your post is so true and very reassuring

The people at work aren't hanging on your every word. You're more concerned about this than anybody else. It's your issue to deal with.

If anybody tries to raise any of the issues you've lied about, quietly tell them you'd rather not talk about it. They're not going to push it, given what the lies are about. That's all you have to do, in terms of dealing with other people. No drama necessary.

For yourself, get counselling if you're not sure how to move on. Or just move on.This is only an ongoing problem in your mind. Nowhere else.

OP. Please talk to someone. Whilst you seem to have a handle on this for now, you need to make sure this lying cycle comes to a full stop for good.

My colleague, was is/was a friend, has been telling me lies for 3yrs, and it has made me feel like shit to be frank. She also has low confidence, but masks it well. Her lies venture from the mundane, to so fantastically elaborate I eventually figured out what the niggling feeling inside me was.

Her last lie was so inappropriate and huge, it mirrored trauma I had once experienced. Because of this, I was able to deduct from her 'story. it was a huge lie. Having never told anyone about myself, it frankly made me sick to the stomach someone would glamorise a horrific incident for what I can only imagine for attention and sympathy.

Even little lies have a ripple effect. Please respect yourself and others more not to do it. Apologies if this sounds harsh, it's not meant to be. You actually have my full sympathy and respect for recognising this negative behaviour.