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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect step dad not to lay a hand on ds

92 replies

law3 · 20/09/2007 09:46

This morning has been a nightmare.

Ds1 13.10 was refusing to go to school, because he only had long sleeve shirts clean, instead of short. His short sleeves were dirty because he had them stuffed under the bed. I found him a clean long sleeve one and he pulled all the buttons off it, because he didnt want to wear it, so i found him another one.

So ds1 was sulking in his room refusing to put his shirt on, i was trying to get ds3 dressed for nursery. Step dad has gone into his room and told him to get his shirt on and get his arse to school, ds has refused, so he has picked him up, in like a bear hug and carried him to the front door.

I have heard all the noise and gone to the passage to find them pushing each other and ds saying some choice words to step dad. Step dad has then grabbed him by the throat.

i have stepped in between them and told step dad to back off and go to the kitchen, ds has run crying to his room and phoned his real dad, so i am now having to explain the situation to him on the phone, with step dad telling me, i had better ground ds as he is not having this.

Anyhow, Ds has now gone to school wearing his shirt.

Now ds was being a pain in the arse, but i am fuming at step dad for doing this. Step dad is going to think he was well within his rights Am i being unreasonable???

OP posts:

ayrshirelolo · 20/09/2007 22:30

Hello law3, just wanted to give you my support, i'm a child protection social worker in "real life" and spent a large amount of this week with the local cops doing an investigation where dad had done the "hands round the throat" thing to his son for some perceived offence. If only the mum had been as fab as you and seen her job as protecting the kids instead of backing up the arsehole life would be a whole lot easier! and the lad involved would be so much happier too... rest assured it's a child protection / assault situation when an adult does this, for whatever reason! You are a fab mum, now have that bloody large brandy. take care. loloxx

HonoriaGlossop · 20/09/2007 22:38

i can totally agree with Ayrshire. Funnily enough as a SW I witnessed much the same between a dad and a teenage boy and as Ayr said, the mum in that situation was again unable to prioritise the safety of her child.

It can't be a bad thing to have him out of the house Law, but my goodness I hope you're alright; it's a huge step. Have you got someone in RL to be with/talk to tonight?

12lbnaturally · 20/09/2007 22:40

Law3,

Well done to you for kicking him in to touch! To be honest I would have waited to my son went to school and then kicked the crap out of him myself. HOW DARE HE DO THAT TO YOUR SON!

Original poster

law3 · 21/09/2007 00:17

thanks everyone for your support, its much appreciated. Thanks honour for coming back to check up on me!!

Not such a huge step, emotionally anyhow, im amazed how much my feelings changed in a matter of hours.

Havent spoken to anyone in RL about it, other than my ex. I have friends who i could have called etc, but didnt feel the need tonight.

OP posts:

slim22 · 21/09/2007 01:34

Law3
I can't believe it has come to this! But looks like it was simmering already.
You did the right thing. How old are your other DC (his)? Did he just walk out on his family because he can not control his temper??

Original poster

law3 · 21/09/2007 08:03

Thanks Slim, yeah it has been simmering for a while. Its not so much his temper that has caused problems in the past, its been a lot more subtle than that, i feel he had quite a bit of resentment towards my boys the things he said and done, but was very good at covering it up. oh i was only joking, a bit of father-son banter, your being overprotective, they are playing us off against each other etc. We did try counselling and things improved for a while. He had a bad childhood and i did try to help him with his parenting skills, but this was the final straw, i wont help him at the expense of my kids.

The ds we have together is 3.6. He didnt walk out, i told him to leave.

OP posts:

Hassled · 21/09/2007 08:48

Just wanted to say well done - you have all my admiration and have done exactly the right thing. The best of luck to you.

bubblagirl · 21/09/2007 10:17

hi law hope your feeling ok today thinking of you xx

gringottsgoblin · 21/09/2007 10:22

gosh law, you sound like a very strong woman and a fantastic mum, your ds is very lucky to have you. just wanted to add a few more supportive words. hope you are all doing ok

fleacircus · 21/09/2007 10:48

Well done Law3... your boys are lucky to have you.

slim22 · 21/09/2007 11:17

I'm in total awe!
I don't think I'd be capable of that. Your boys are lucky to have you.
Hope you get all the support you need from friends and family. Good luck.

Piffle · 21/09/2007 11:19

law sounds like you know you have done the right thing, if it was one thing in isolation then maybe you can rebuild, FWIW I would have done the same, well done for putting your kids first, hope it's not too much of a struggle for you
xxx

Original poster

law3 · 21/09/2007 15:27

Thanks for the encouragement ladies and all your kind words, it really helps.

Traded my nice car in today, for some cash and an old banger, more sorry to see the car go boo hoo, than i am him!!! Sorted out all my clothes, lots of room now, another bonus!!

Im sure i will struggle financially, but emotionally its been easy, its strange how you can just switch off, if someone hurts your kids.

It makes me feel sick, when i think about what happened, havent been able to eat since.

OP posts:

maximopark · 21/09/2007 18:21

hi law3, just wanted to say hi, and hope your ok. x x

PSCMUM · 21/09/2007 20:56

hi law, just wanted to say still really well done, don't let him back and you and your kids will be so much happier!

Original poster

law3 · 23/09/2007 07:15

Hi Maxi and ps, thanks, under no circumstances would i let him back.

Had my mil on the phone yesterday, she was very upset. I got on quite well with her. Still told her she was still welcome to come round anytime.

My mate paid me a surprise visit last night, bottle of wine, felt half pissed where i hadnt eaten much, had a right laugh.

Im doing fine and enjoying life without him!!!

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 23/09/2007 13:01

glad to hear you are ok law xx

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